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The constant depression tiredness and self-loathing :(

For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
Baz113
Junior Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:21 pm

The constant depression tiredness and self-loathing :(

Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:54 pm

Hi There,

This is all new for me, but I thought if I share my problems in this forum, that maybe there are some people to talk with who understand the shitty cycle that I seem to be trapped in. It’s ruining my life.

I’ve been problem gambling for over 10 years I’d say. It’s ramped up progressively to the point where I’m spending thousands each time I go to the pub. Those shithouse pokies always reeling me in.
In this last week alone I think I’ve lost around 7k, just watching my savings go down and down so quickly it’s scary as hell.

My partner is looking as though she will leave me and take our son away as she doesnt want to be involved in this anymore, and who could really blame her for that tbh.

I’m constantly depressed, tired and feeling anxious and it just has to stop. But it’s always easier said than done isn’t it.

I’m going to give this 100 day challenge a go.

It’s gonna be hard as it will also require me to stay away from the pub (as my gambling is always linked to drinking or after a fight with my partner). I never usually go out at the start with intention to gamble, it’s usually a couple of beers than I start with “just a cheeky $50”, then all of a sudden it’s maxed out account time. Every bloody time. Even if I win, it’s straight back in the pokies.

So let’s hope I can go 100 days off the pokies and turps!

I hope to be able to give a milestone update of maybe 2 weeks or a month without a slip-up.

Good luck to everyone else that is having their own difficulties and that is also having a crack at the challenge :)

Cheers
Dylan
3 x
Mona58
Senior Member
Posts: 961
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:44 am

Re: The constant depression tiredness and self-loathing :(

Sat Mar 16, 2019 3:28 pm

Wishing you all the best Dylan!

YOU CAN DO this!

It is slow and frustrating at the start. Getting through each day is a milestone... find things to do to keep your mind and spirit occupied.

Stay Strong!

Mona
2 x
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
How the F did I get here
Senior Member
Posts: 209
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

Re: The constant depression tiredness and self-loathing :(

Sat Mar 16, 2019 10:14 pm

Guess it's Dylan and not Baz then lol

I commented on your other post.
Do not loose your kid over this bullshit!!! And partner of course.
Now is the time to give it a real go.
I can def relate to what you wrote except for the drinking and being triggered by drinking
(actually someone posted the exact same literally a few days ago about drinking being their trigger and thinking they need to quit drink too) which yes is definitely the case being an identified trigger.

I was the same, was thousands at a time, my first withdrawal would be 1000, I'd never just start with 100 or 200, had to take out 1000 to start.

I also remember going into the bank once and withdrawing 2.5k from my credit card to go play.

Anyway what a depressing life. And like you said the self loathing, just ruins your being and self worth. I also wrote this in another post, that is what I'm working on atm. My financial situation has improved drastically, debt going down and savings going up, I am now in in the stage of trying to repair the damage I have done to myself emotionally.

Trying to think more of myself than a disgusting, worthless, piece of ****, scumbag pathetic loser. Trying to rebuild my battered confidence and self esteem. It's pretty emotionally draining when you hate yourself to your inner core.

If you are serious about this and keeping your beautiful family, there is no other option in the early stages but to turn over control of your money (or most of it) to a trusted close person, which in this case I would say turn over all control to your Mrs.

Might feel crappy at the begining feeling like you are being controlled, but a lot better tha having the pokies control you.

Don't loose your family mate!!!
You can do it, all the best.
1 x
User avatar
BrittV (facilitator)
Senior Member
Posts: 193
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 11:40 am

Re: The constant depression tiredness and self-loathing :(

Mon Mar 18, 2019 9:03 am

Welcome Dylan, thank you for sharing your story.

All the best on your 100 days, sounds like you've got some really strong motivation and also great recognition of your triggers.
Looking forward to hearing how things are going for you. Don't just celebrate two weeks or one month - each day's a milestone to be proud of!

BrittV, community mgr
1 x

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