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  • Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    Cazza
    Senior Member
    Posts: 261
    Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:23 am

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Tue Mar 19, 2019 10:41 pm

    Hang in there. I know life can feel overwhelming at times. You are doing so well at the moment and i think your brain is trying to trick you at the moment.
    You have been at this hurdle before, you just need to push through.
    The problem is that you feel like your in control of the gambling at this stage. The 100 days are so close that you can just about touch them.
    Dig in for the ride, put your head down and your arse up and do not let go, you can do this
    2 x
    Mona58
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1047
    Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:44 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:30 pm

    Life does have its' tough moment... it will pass.

    Tough times never last Tough people do!

    Mona
    1 x
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Thu Mar 21, 2019 11:38 pm

    @Cazza @m@Mona58 Thank you ladies.
    Just an off day, well I have a lot of off days but this one got the better of me.
    Still kicking on Clock over 80 days at midnight. Woo hoo.
    2 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Tue Mar 26, 2019 10:27 pm

    Another bad day again. Just feel like my mental health is slipping again.
    84 days today, savings growing and debts are slowly going down.

    But still the overwhelming sense of depression, that I have experienced my whole life on and off.
    Just feel so useless, my life and how it has panned out. Feel like such a loser at my age, feel like a complete let down to my daughter and when I do experience these bouts of sadness I am so short and angry with my daughter, because I just can't cope with life. Then I hate myself even more for taking it out on her (which I don't mean to do). Just so annoying things that I was depressed about growing up and my childhood I am okay with, so why am I still do sad within myself?

    Considering if I should actually start taking medication again. I have been prescribed it so many times by my doctor, I start to take it then think I can sort my head out on my own and stop and I guess feel pathetic to take medication.

    Maybe She is right, that some people actually have chemical imbalances in their brain and actually do need medication and that there really isn't anything to be ashamed of. I don't know.

    Why can't I just be happy? It seems so easy in theory, and I have so many things to be grateful and happy about.
    1 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Wed Mar 27, 2019 9:49 pm

    About to Clock over day 85!!
    Feeling fantastic again today, my post yesterday is pretty much how I can go from one day to the next.
    But feeling super good no gambling or smoking.
    2 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Thu Mar 28, 2019 10:14 pm

    Clock over to day 87 soon.
    🙂
    3 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 339
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Fri Mar 29, 2019 11:45 am

    Hi @How the F did I get here

    87 days is a massive achievement, you're almost at that 100 day mark.

    Sounds like you have been struggling the past few days..I'm wondering if you have any counselling support? friends or family you can lean on in times where you're struggling ?

    All these emotions can come in waves, try to engage in activities that can lessen the impact it has on your daily life that way you aren't putting yourself at risk of falling into a gambling trap.

    You've shown so much strength throughout your journey and I'm sure that you have inspired others on the forums.!

    Kind regards,

    Calvin.
    2 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Sat Mar 30, 2019 10:09 pm

    @Calvin (facilitator)
    Yeah I have up and down days. This is the longest I've been gamble free since my lapse 3 ish years ago. Longest I managed was the 74 days I made it last year, apart from that the longest would have been 2 weeks a couple of times.
    Had 4.5 years up until it all went pear shaped 3 years ago.

    Yes I am probably going to go back to my physchologist, as he seems to get me back on track. I have depression/Anxiety even without the gambling, but the gambling definitely exacerbates it.
    But yes being depressed has also been one of my many triggers in the past, so I do need to keep my head right so it doesn't lead me astray.
    1 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Sat Mar 30, 2019 10:39 pm

    @Calvin (facilitator)
    I just went back and read my thread from a year ago when I first came on here.
    It was 71 days not 74.
    2 x
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 263
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: Rock bottom apparantly has 2 trap doors and a tunnel thereafter!

    Sun Mar 31, 2019 9:31 pm

    I posted this reply on Pamela's thread, but after re reading it thought I would post on mine.
    As really I am using this forum as kind of like my daily journal and writing things makes me think of the devastation gambling has caused me. I am coming on here to read everyone's threads daily also to keep me focused and I relive my horrendous pokie addiction when I read all the threads too.

    If that's what it takes to stay clean for now then so be it, as I'm never ever f@#$?&$ going back!



    I am pretty much coming on here every day because I need to stick this and I am in early days, I just with my entire being want to kick this, like you I have wasted so much time, and precious time with my daughter is the hardest to swallow for me.

    I feel like I am putting up the biggest fight of my life for freedom, I can't loose anymore time with my daughter.
    It absolutely kills me to remember my little girl running to the front door excited to see me, and hearing her say "Mummy, why did you take so long at work? After I had been playing the pokies for 5 hours after work.
    Or sometimes I would come home and she was in bed already as she couldn't wait up for me any longer.
    Just writing that makes me so f$%&#%& angry at myself for that, how the f#$% could I not stop when I had this beautiful little human? It absolutely f#%$?!$ hurts so bad!

    I will never let my girl down again!! I am going to fight this demon to the death!
    1 x

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