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  • Road to recovery

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Dave68
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:38 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Sun Jun 14, 2015 3:49 pm

    Well done Keeton, you're learning every pay week and the lapses are getting both longer apart, and also you're starting to see the real value of the money you are spending too at the venues. You've done really well to self-exclude from most places within a long way from your home, and even reading about that $50 loss a few days earlier, it's almost a win in itself because for the first time in a long time you were able to stop after losing it, and not do as it's so easy to do and just keep feeding note after note into the machines.

    Indeed you are tracking the thinking i had to convince my brain to learn, i indeed am hopeless at gambling, particularly the pokies. I'd see others win, sometimes win a lot, but i'd just mindlessly stay in the venue and keep putting money into the machine, hoping and saying 'It's got to pay up surely'. Of course it almost never did, and i'd leave bitter, broke and cursing myself. But that's what started me retraining my brain. I asked myself why go in, why pay money, to spend time in front of an inanimate machine just feeding it my hard earned money. As you rightly say, when you take your $50 note to a shop, you realise all the stuff it can buy you. But here we are just throwing those 50's into a money chute....and pushing buttons. Crazy isn't it. But the machines somehow have that power to change our whole thinking and just continue to do something that we all know is just foolishness.

    So you are winning the battle against that gambling demon in your brain, you're empowering your sensible 'sensors' in your head to take charge and get that gambling bug out of there. I use the power of the disgust and anger i have at what pokies has done to me in order to stay away. You are also using another good tool, in working out how much you save by every day you don't gamble. If it's $50 a day it adds up to a huge amount in a short time. And the positive reinforcement that you get when you actually do something positive like go out for a meal, buy clothes or even fill up the car it reconfirms what that money can do, and also contrasts with what pokies make you do with money.

    You're doing well and are on the right track for sure. You'll be able to at least offset that intoxicating pokie buzz with the real reality of that to our lives. Same with you too Shirley, we're all fighting the same battle and every day we don't gamble is a win for us all. And every day we don't, hopefully brings us a day closer to that time when we no longer even want to. Even after 14 months for me, i still have visions of 'wanting' or wishing i could go back in time to play like i did in '99 particularly, but the actual reality of thinking about those hundreds of times i walked out broke, angry and full of remorse knocks those thoughts for six. Keep going, it's all we can do to get this out of our systems.
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    Keeton
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:19 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Mon Jun 15, 2015 8:25 pm

    Thanks Dave, your wise words of support are appreciated and inspirational and it's good to know that it's possible to beat this.

    Well today was payday and as usual I played pokies unfortunately. My thoughts just convinced me that I can go and do it but today was proof that I will always be addicted to the buzz i get from them. Even if I get my money back I just keep foolishly playing hoping to win again and wonder why it's gone.

    A step forward though because this time I stopped myself withdrawing all my cash. I only spent half as much as I usually do. I still have half my pay leftover this time. It's a slow process but maybe next week it will even less or hopefully none. All in all I'm a big step from where i was a year ago. I'm confident that the rest of the week will be gamble free and I hope that things continue to get better.

    It's just a lot harder to quit than i thought but I know i can do it.
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    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:15 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Sun Jun 21, 2015 5:45 pm

    Hey Keeton,
    I know it's been a few days since you posted, how did the rest of your week go?
    I really appreciated your post and how, despite gambling you were able to see change, you didn't withdraw all your cash! Can I ask, it can be really difficult for people to appreciate this kind of change when the gambling is still causing some pain - how do you manage to keep the perspective that change IS happening which clearly it is for you?
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    Keeton
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:19 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Mon Jun 22, 2015 7:14 pm

    Hi Anna,

    I guess that I consider myself a positive person in general. I find that I mainly focus on the positives about my recovery because that is what it's all about. I found that making it all go away at once was stressful and a bit of wishful thinking. The addiction didn't happen overnight and I found that recovery is a gradual process. While there may be some barriers along the way I just have to look on the bright side and never give up on finding the real me. The relapses have just made me stronger and more determined to quit.

    Thanks for the support,

    Keeton
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    Keeton
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:19 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Tue Jun 23, 2015 6:30 pm

    Doing very well this week considering I had a slip up last week. yesterday was payday and this time I didn't go near a poker machine. I didn't gamble today either which is a great feeling and accomplishment because usually i give in and lose all my money. i just stayed with the reality that if I go back to gambling I won't be doing myself any good. I just lose control and waste my money. Those 50s have so much value outside of the gambling environment and it's good to actually buy things with the money and still have money tonight. I'm proud of myself for not giving in to the urges and it's good to not get those awful feeling of remorse and anger. I hope the rest of the week will be gamble free as well but these two days has shown that i can beat this and that there is light outside of gambling. I guess what worked for me was thinking about the alternatives to gambling and remembering what happens when I gamble. After so long i'm finally getting closer to a stress free and gamble free life.

    All the best to everyone,

    Keeton
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    Neve [admin]
    Member
    Posts: 70
    Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:52 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:25 am

    Hi Keeton,

    Good to hear you're going well this week.
    In your recent post I really admired your thoughts on this whole process - your acceptance that it won't "all go away at once" and that it's OK if it's going to take time to do this, one step at a time.
    I recall your activity where you'd write something you were grateful for... well today I am grateful for coffee :) ..the simple things in life!

    Best regards,
    Neve
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    Charlotte (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:53 am

    Re: Road to recovery

    Fri Jun 26, 2015 12:32 pm

    Hey Keeton,

    Great going! I'm wondering how things have been for the rest of the week?...
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    Keeton
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:19 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Fri Jun 26, 2015 11:23 pm

    All is going really well. Almost end of the week and I haven't gambled so far which is a big achievement for me because I was going week after week as soon as I got paid or a day later. I'm actually proud of myself because I didn't give in to those urges for a change. It was good to break the cycle and try to get back to having money again. I have spent money this week don't get me wrong but I have spent it on useful things like fuel, credit, food and drinks and even a movie to watch. I've just kept myself busy and reminded myself when an urge came that if I got back to gambling i'm not doing myself any favours. These fews days recently have shown how much better i am without gambling absorbing all my money and self esteem. I'm grateful I'm tackling it now before I get in trouble or in debt. There was no future where I was going with gambling and I intend not to go back if I can help it. i still have to the disire to play them but the real me is far stronger than before and now i'm fighting back. I've wasted too long playing poker machines, it's now time to move past them and not look back. Life is so much better without gambling.

    Today i'm grateful for the internet as it keeps me occupied and able to visit this sight for support,

    Til next time,

    Keeton
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    AnnaB (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 363
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:15 pm

    Re: Road to recovery

    Sun Jun 28, 2015 5:36 pm

    Great to hear Keeton :D ....always good to break a negative cyle and appreciate the difference.
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    karla
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 1:53 am

    Re: Road to recovery

    Mon Jun 29, 2015 11:25 am

    Dear Keeton, it's day three for me,found this website, ,cant do this on my own,,30years of(it),hope you don't mind me reading your posts.Today ,doing my best today
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