Page 1 of 1
Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2020 9:46 pm
I’m not a weak person, I’ve gone through a fair bit in my life, but when it comes to poker machines....I am weak. I have no idea why, I really want to know why?
I am living my life full of shame and guilt.
I see other people around town, going about their lives, doing the right thing; paying their bills, providing a good life for their family...and then there’s me.
Addicted to Pokies.
Have spent thousands and thousands. During lockdown I didn’t miss it, saved money and then as soon as they were open again, went straight back. Lost it all.
I do not know what is wrong with me, I love my children with all my heart....why are they not enough to stop me from gambling?
Why can’t I just stop?
I am so tired, sad, guilt-ridden, ashamed, angry, disappointed.
I wish I could start over but I know that even IF I never gambled again, these feelings will never leave me...they are who I am now, because of what I’ve done and I hate myself for it.
Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2020 10:31 pm
Poker machines are designed to addict.
Stopping is extremely hard but can be done as you already know because you did during lockdown.
Once you make the decision to stop,and you must want to as you have posted here, then try and stick with that decision
Have you got a close friend or family member you can confide in.and as hard as you think that can be,quite often they are totally supportive and understanding
Limit the amount if money you carry..carry just enough for essentials and leave any cards at home.
Tell yourself that you won't gamble today
Don't beat yourself up because those feelings go when you stop gambling..
Come here often,perhaps see a counsellor,they are really helpful
,and most of all,don't give up on yourself
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2020 7:17 am
As Pamela said the machines are "designed to be addictive".
These links will help you UNDERSTAND what those evil bloody machines do!
Draw strength from the 'experience during the 3 month lockdown.
Make "changes" in how and what you normally do. Little things ... put your Car keys at the bottom of the children's toy box ... makes you "Think"... be aware.
5 minutes of awareness can make a huge difference to stepping out the door. It is crazy! Keep fighting the "urges" ... the energy (fire) that builds within DO NOT FEED it! If your Kids have a trampoline --go jump on it ... scream cry do whatever, The "fire" "urge" will go out!
Read posts and blogs and anything you can find to help give you and get YOUR "power" back from those evil machines! "They " are NOT who we are!
I have not set foot in the demon's den for 2 years and 8 months. l come here regularly to read new posts it helps me "remember" the hell it put me through!.
Keep posting Sandg .. it really helps to unload, Especially among people who truly understand. IT is YOUR space use it to help you .
All the best on your journey! A gamble free life is worth fighting for! REMEMBER your words "I AM NOT A WEAK PERSON!"
Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2020 9:13 am
Well said Mona
Those urges are hard to fight at times but they need to be shown who is the boss .
Taking back control is extremely hard,but can be done
I ,like you, come here as it keeps me grounded,and not long ago I read all my posts from when I first started coming here..
The changes are incredible
Never give up the good fight
Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:34 pm
I hear you and am in exactly the same boat. I just lost loads of money right before Christmas. I keep thinking my kids deserve better. I think wow the things I could of bought them with that money. Or I could of deposited it to their account. From past experience I know I have to think “What’s done is done” no changing that ... I’m alive and strive to do better. It’s so hard when you are addicted.
I have been told to “think” about the kids. The consequences etc but when I am in that head space there is no stopping me. It’s SO sad. I love my kids more than anything and am so disappointed. Today is day one for me and all we can do is keep trying xx
I truly hope I/we never touch them again!!
Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:27 pm
Hi @SandG , @Mona58 , @pamela , @22Jules loving the thread and conversation happening here and acknowledging how strong an addiction can be but also that even small, baby steps are essential - not beating yourself up but changing up the self talk to ' I can do it, even if it is just today or over the weekend or this week etc.' It is so hard but each step counts, doesn't it, as @pamela said, Never give up the good fight and thanks @Mona58 for some fantastic strategies too - good stuff :) wishing everyone lots of strength and support in your journey towards recovery :)
Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2020 8:36 pm
I once heard an analogy for addiction and it’s control over our behaviour. Consider a band, with all its performers. The bass guitar is the loudest once it’s plugged into the amp. The rest of the band kind of gets drowned out by its noise.
This is like the urges you feel. The bass guitar drowns out the sound of all the other band members. That loud noise represents the urge. The band members represent your friends and family. It is hard to ignore the noise but because you don’t hear the other members, your behaviour is not a result of not loving them at all! In fact if that was at the forefront each time, most of us would think twice. The urge is so loud, that we continue to do it despite knowing it’s the wrong thing to do.
I have battled with drug addiction as well as gambling. There are many aspects in common. I’m still working on both, I’m learning what my triggers are are and trying to recognise in a meditation type of way about them being just passing thoughts. Once you distract yourself, the urge calms down and you’re able to think about your loved ones again and how it will impact you. As gamblers, our behaviour is destructive to others - it is my belief that we keep doing these things because we honestly believe that it’s a way to fix it. We all know that it’s wrong! The only way to fix it is to stop and keep trying. A relapse just means you’ve been on a field trip and you’ve learnt more about your problem. You can use that to find other strategies that work for you in the future.