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  • New Year and the start of recovery

    For those taking the 100 Day Challenge. Share your journey, seek support and track your progress here!
    Dr.Semaj
    Junior Member
    Posts: 18
    Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2020 7:29 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Mon Jan 10, 2022 8:38 pm

    @Jude , @Spartan
    The demon got the better of me. I gave in to my addiction and I failed. I could not resist Saturday night. I was afternoon shift and finished at 10pm. I knew my wife was already asleep by the time I get home. That was a chance for me to gamble for an hour or two. I won quite a bit and deposited the money on the ATM on my home. I felt happy and ashamed at the same time. When my wife had seen the deposited amount she did not scolded or nagged about me going back to gambling.
    Sunday I went again when my wife did some shopping in the morning. I gambled for an hour and brought home a bit again. This time I kept it with me and didnt tell the Mrs of my winning.
    Today, Monday, I was home alone. I tried resisting the devil but I was too weak and gave in. Within an hour I was winning. My old self of being in THE ZONE kicked in and I could not control myself. I did not want to stop playing. Though one part of me wanted to go home but the addicted side wanted to keep playing. I lost all my winnings from Sunday as well as Todays’ Thats a couple of thousand. I felt crap and I just wanted to hurt myself for being stupid. I told my wife what I did and I just felt so ashamed for lying to her again. I dont know if Im ready to stop. I dont know what I should do. I failed my 100 day challenge. I am sorry guys.
    How about you guys? How are you two doing? How was your weekend? I hope its a better weekend than mine.
    Keep on being strong guys if you abstained from gambling. I wish you all the best guys!!! This is probably my last post. I just need to find myself and reset my mind. Ill be back soon.
    0 x
    Judes
    Member
    Posts: 31
    Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2021 4:31 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Mon Jan 10, 2022 9:02 pm

    Hey @Dr.Semaj so sorry to hear of your relapse. Each time we relapse I believe we learn a little more about ourselves, and that makes us a little stronger. If quitting was easy none of us would be here. We are intelligent strong people In all other aspects of our lives which is why this is more depressing when we give in. I have been going really well at this stage. I do think of giving in and I will be back at the Sunny Coast tomorrow night for over a week which will really be a BIG challenge. At least when I am here out west and even though my family play the pokies, I have company and am not alone 24/7 as I am at the Sunny Coast!

    Starting over at Day#1 is still ok @Dr.Semaj - don’t give up! Keep checking in and perhaps chat to a counsellor to see what else you could do to support your quitting!

    @Spartan - how have you been? Hope all is going well.
    0 x
    Spartan
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2021 9:03 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Wed Jan 12, 2022 9:58 am

    @Jude Tackling day 12 today. The temptations are still there but I keep reminding myself of the impending misery if I do. Still feeling quite low from the way 2021 ended gambling-wise. Fingers crossed for you that you can stay away from the demon this week. It’s just rubbing it’s hands together waiting for us to fail unfortunately.

    @Dr.Semaj Sorry to hear of your relapse. We’ve all been there. I have many times and am hoping this one is for good. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it otherwise you’ll discourage yourself not to try again
    0 x
    Judes
    Member
    Posts: 31
    Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2021 4:31 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Wed Jan 12, 2022 8:25 pm

    Am back on the coast - at the pub as I am on my bike (no car - getting repairs) playing some Keno but ok with that - spending $50-100 not $000’s. Feeling pretty good about not doing the pokies! Do think about it but don’t want to get on here and tell you guys that I have failed! Thank you for the support!
    @Dr.Semaj how are you doing? Are you going to re-start the challenge? You can do this! @Spartan - you get through today ok? I have been listening to some Wayne Dyer audio books and finding they are really helping. Me! Not specifically about addiction - just life In general! Also found that some of the Badass books were totally inspirational!
    0 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 537
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Fri Jan 14, 2022 9:55 am

    heya @Dr.Semaj I'm sorry to hear about the lapse. This whole journey is filled with ups and downs, but I really have to agree with what @Judes said, each lapse teaches us a bit more about ourselves and how habits!

    As @Spartan has said, being too hard on yourself can have an inverse effect! This is a time to be gentle with yourself, reflect on what happened with those urges and how you could avoid this type of lapse in future!

    I hope you're doing well, let us know how you're travelling!

    @Judes and @Spartan how are you both going?
    1 x
    Spartan
    Junior Member
    Posts: 16
    Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2021 9:03 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Fri Jan 14, 2022 10:44 am

    Hey @Jude

    Day 14 of recovery is here. So far so good and keeping the gambling urges at bay. Not easy but trying to keep busy. Have been watching a tv series called Ted Lasso which is not bad. It captured my attention as it involves aspects of English football.

    Hope you’re avoiding the demon as your money is better off being spent on more worthwhile things. I’ve done some reading on the dark side of gambling to understand the odds are never in our favour. The gambling companies get rich and the punter stays poor analogy.

    Stay focused on the recovery path
    2 x
    Judes
    Member
    Posts: 31
    Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2021 4:31 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Fri Jan 14, 2022 12:15 pm

    Day #14! @Spartan - wasn’t sure I could do this but am feeling really positive. I have been listening to a lot of the Wayne Dyer audio books which are helping me enormously. I have been working on a 6month work contract out in western QLD and I was told yesterday that I wasn’t required any longer. In the past this would have sent me straight to a pub/club to play - not now! I am seeing this as an awesome opportunity to move on to the next challenge! When the urges come (and they do) what stops me at present is getting on here (and the 100 day challenge app) to tell you all I have had to start @ Day #1 … again! And the thought that the past 14 days has just been a waste! So onwards and upwards - looking forward to whatever comes along and my pokies free life!
    1 x
    Dr.Semaj
    Junior Member
    Posts: 18
    Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2020 7:29 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Sun Jan 16, 2022 12:01 pm

    @Spartan @Jude @Printemps

    Hello guys
    My name is @Dr.Semaj And I’m a gambler.
    I am here to try again the 100 day challenge gamble free. This time I really want to succeed. No more excuses and no more lies. I know I could do it. I have abstained from gambling for over 5 years before. This time I am hoping for the rest of my life.
    Ive given you guys a two week head start and Im sure you will be my light to my path.
    Thank you guys for believing in me and I will do everything I know to achieve this goal. I have a long road ahead of me but my family is there to support me this time with my journey.
    2 x
    Judes
    Member
    Posts: 31
    Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2021 4:31 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Sun Jan 16, 2022 12:56 pm

    @Dr.Semaj Welcome back! Relapses are a learning and increase our self-awareness. Look forward to what your life is going to be without gambling. How you will feel, how your family will feel, seeing your savings grow, not worrying how you are going to afford the next bill that pops in! Let’s forge ahead and get that 100 days in the rear vision mirror!
    @Spartan - Day#16 - how has your weekend been? Hope all is well!
    2 x
    Dr.Semaj
    Junior Member
    Posts: 18
    Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2020 7:29 pm

    Re: New Year and the start of recovery

    Sun Jan 16, 2022 1:19 pm

    @Jude
    Hi bud. Thanks for you kind and heartfelt welcome.
    I am really looking forward to achieving this goal. It is a new chapter of my life. I spoke to my wife and children and they are right behind me in supporting this goal. No more lies to them.
    I guess the BILLS PAYMENT is the main trigger to my gambling. I look back over the years and assess why I relapse and start gambling again after a long period of abstaining from it. I realised that when I think about paying bills like school fees, credit card, personal loans, mortgage and utilities I get the urge to gamble and think that I could easily win from gambling. It is all lies from the devil . This time I will not listen to him anymore. My family will support me from paying the bills and not by gambling.
    It was so encouraging to hear my 21 year old say “I will help you with your debts dad, remember you have money to pay for them. I am here to help”
    Tears just poured down from my eyes.
    This is it. This is really it!!!. I can and will forge on with this challenge. Like you said @Jude I will see money grow and live a life that is stress free from gambling.
    I DO NOT NEED TO GAMBLE TO EARN EXTRA MONEY.
    Cheers.
    2 x

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