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  • confused and need help

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    dolly
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:57 pm

    confused and need help

    Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:14 pm

    Hello everyone,
    I'm new on this forum and I really don't know what to do regarding my partners betting. We have been together for nearly five years and ever since I've known him he has had a problem especially with horses. He would only bet on weekends when we first got together and even those I never agreed with it - it want causing much harm. In 2010 I had our daughter and had to give up my job through personal reasons, he would still bet every single day and would bet on football every weekend too. This was getting a problem with one income and loads of debt from his previous marriage it was getting too much for me and I was thinking of leaving him. But we had a chat and he promised when we got our own place he would stop ( we were living at my parents at the time). We eventually got our own place and I finally thought things would get back to normal. Three weeks in our new home and he starts betting again but this time I voiced my concerns and we had a massive row he got so angry telling me no one tells him what to do, and if he wants a bet he will have a bet.
    This has been going on for nearly five years now - I'm scared to voice my concerns as he shouts and our daughter is now at the age she is picking things up and I don't want her to witness this sort of stuff. Back in Jan this year he decides to give up his job so with no money coming in (only his benefit) we are really struggling at the moment but he still likes to bet every sat and every big event (which lasts 3-4 days) he is making me feel stressed and lonely I really don't. Know what to do, I just don't want my daughter growing up in this sort of environment.
    I would be very grateful if someone could give me some advice and point me in the right direction. br />Thank you.
    Dolly
    0 x
    User avatar
    BriM
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 3:05 pm

    RE: confused and need help

    Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:51 am

    Hi Dolly

    Thanks for reaching out, welcome to our community. My name's Bri, I'm one of the facilitators on here

    My heart went out to you as I read that post. It sounds like you feel stuck in a horrible situation with very little power over what happens to you and your daughter. Fortunately you do have options, as hard as it may be to see them right now; there are always options.

    The most important thing to me is that you have the support you need. It can be really hard when you feel like you're going this alone. Why don't you try calling the Gambler's Helpline on 1800 858 858 and speak to a counsellor? They can give you some direction and can even link you in with free face-to-face gambling counselling services. These services are there for you too, not just the person who gambles.

    If you don't feel comfortable to do that yet, there are other options we can discuss on here, but I would say that would be the first step

    Take care

    Bri
    0 x
    dolly
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:57 pm

    RE: confused and need help

    Wed Apr 09, 2014 3:16 pm

    Hi Bri
    Thank you for your reply. I have already had contact with a councillor and they advised me to leave the situation as it sounds like he won't change.
    I did think about that for a while but start to feel guilty about leaving him and taking his daughter away from him.
    I just feel alone and don't know what to do.
    Dolly.
    0 x
    dolly
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:57 pm

    RE: confused and need help

    Wed Apr 09, 2014 3:16 pm

    Hi Bri
    Thank you for your reply. I have already had contact with a councillor and they advised me to leave the situation as it sounds like he won't change.
    I did think about that for a while but start to feel guilty about leaving him and taking his daughter away from him.
    I just feel alone and don't know what to do.
    Dolly.
    0 x
    User avatar
    BriM
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 3:05 pm

    RE: confused and need help

    Thu Apr 10, 2014 10:20 am

    Hi Dolly

    I agree, leaving your partner is a huge decision and certainly not a black and white one, especially considering you have a daughter together. If you're not ready to do that I would communicate this to your counsellor so that they can help you put some other strategies in place. This might be assisting you with communication strategies so that you can approach and talk to your partner in a different way about his gambling. It might be providing you with a referral to go and see a financial counsellor so that you can talk about the mechanisms available to you to protect your family financially. It might be just offering you some emotional support that you're not getting from your partner during this really difficult time. I would suggest giving the Gambling Helpline another call and communicating to your counsellor that you don't feel ready to leave your partner. Then you can discuss some other things you can do. I completely understand how hard it would be to leave him, but there are lots of other things you can do for yourself before making that decision

    Bri
    0 x
    Michelle3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 109
    Joined: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:02 pm

    RE: confused and need help

    Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:15 am

    Great reply Bri...that's why you are a facilitator....

    Its never as cut and dry as just leave....there is history love emotions involved....leaving should be last option not first...just my thoughts.
    0 x

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