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  • Our son and 10 years of crap ....

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Sad parent
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Thu May 20, 2021 12:33 pm

    Our son and 10 years of crap ....

    Thu May 20, 2021 1:09 pm

    New member here. Our 30 year old son will not seek help. He has had anxiety, sadness/depression, drug addiction and gambling addiction and been a compulsive liar for nearly 10 years. I have been doing a lot of reading (on here also) and have come to the conclusion that he has a mental issue that needs repairing. He has been gambling ongoing for the last 10 years and has absolutely nothing that he owns of any value. He has hardly worked over these years and when he has he has lost jobs for not showing up. When his tax refund comes in - he immediately gambles it. Only a couple of days ago he received several thousands of dollars in a pay out from a car insurance claim and I have just learnt that he gambled the entire amount. This money was supposed to assist him in getting his own place(he lives with us atm) and buy another cheap car. Not only that, he gambled nearly all of his pay on the same day. Apart from feeling extremely upset and angry he has done this, I selfishly think to myself that he will not be leaving our home any time soon. But maybe I should ask him to leave anyway given the hundreds of opportunities we have given him. We only offered for him to come back as he had promised he would stop using drugs (which he has with only a couple of relapses so far) that he would get help (he hasn't) that he would communicate (he hasn't) stop lying and taking what is not his (he hasn't) reconnect with people and keep active (he hasn't) contribute around the house (not really). His behaviour change is so obvious to us and he thinks we have no idea. He deflects with anger and name calling and at times I hate being in the same house with him. I love him and know the young man he once used to be and keep hoping we can get him back. Am I being unrealistic? Has too much happened? Can I somehow get HIM to seek help and make the changes to his life. I have had to take anti depressants myself to deal with all of this (plus other sons issues, that's another story) I am in my late fifties and deserve to have a happy life without the continual worry about my adult children. How can I achieve this?
    0 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 211
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Our son and 10 years of crap ....

    Thu May 20, 2021 3:16 pm

    Hi @Sad parent ,

    I just want to start off by welcoming you to the forum, I'm glad you've found a space where you feel comfortable sharing g what is going on for you at the moment. It sounds like you're having an incredibly difficult time with your son right now. It can be so hard seeing someone we love struggling with addiction, especially when, as you said, we know the person who they were before the addiction set in. I can see you've tried really hard to support your son through this, but it is taking its toll. At this time it's really important to make sure you're able to care for yourself. Gamblers Helpline offers counselling for family and loved ones of those with a gambling addiction. It might be worth reaching out and speaking to them to get that but of extra support. The number is 1800 858 858. It can be hard to make someone change if they aren't yet ready, that's why right now I really recommend prioritising your well being. Do you have any other supports in place right now?
    1 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 42
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: Our son and 10 years of crap ....

    Thu May 20, 2021 8:10 pm

    Hi@Sad parent
    I am sorry to hear you are going through these issues with your son. You definitely should be enjoying your life now that your children are grown up however it seems like your son’s gambling issues are controlling your happiness. I don’t have adult children and I left my partner due to his gambling and how it destroyed our relationship. What I realised was that the more I did for him the less he saw his gambling as an issue. I would encourage you to talk to counsellor about ways to set boundaries with your son in relation to his gambling and what you will and won’t support him with. Eg..if he lives at your house, does he pay rent and if he doesn’t what will you do about it. If he lived out of home he would have to be responsible for bills etc otherwise he could find himself homeless and hungry. I know for me I became angry and resentful because I felt like I was getting taken advantage of. When I was angry and resentful it made me feel like my ex was gambling on purpose to hurt me and I always felt unhappy. I am sure your son loves you however his addiction is taking advantage of you And while that happens he will see no need to change his ways. Healthy strong boundaries will help protect you and it will help him in the long run to make changes for himself.
    Take care...
    2 x

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