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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:01 am
Hello, I have recently discovered my husband has a gambling problem, initially we thought he may have been ill as it was one night and hundreds of thousands of dollars were lost and some of the money was not ours to lose and my husband does not recall it happening. We had ct scans and numerous blood tests done, during this period my husband had more memory loss / amnesia and some out of character behaviour. All of the tests have come back clear and he has been diagnosed with extreme depression. We are under the care of our Dr and a psychiatrist, my husbands illness is not getting better and he is going into a private hospital after Easter. I had previously taken his wallet, ph ,iPad and had changed passwords on gambling sites and bank accounts to protect us from another event. My husband was very cooperative with this and I thought everything was going along fine. After speaking with our Drs etc I gave my husband his ph and iPad so he wasn't so isolated as he has not been back to work since this all began, we run our own business and he has always managed all of our financial affairs, so I have taken over his role as well as continuing my own role in the business. We have borrowed money from people to help us get through as the gambling left us bare. I thought things were going to be tough but we would be ok, that was until I found out my husband has continued to bet via the fingerprint sign in applications and he has spent another $60,000.00 in less than a month. I am beside myself and am so disappointed he has lied to me and our friends and also disappointed in myself for not being smarter. He promised me and he said his main concern was what he had done to me and our future, we now have no retirement security. My biggest concern now is how do I get us through the next week or so whilst we wait for him to be admitted for treatment? I have taken what I think is everything from him but am scared he may have access to things I am unaware of, for example I received a $3,000.00 overdrawn account from his Paypal account. Things just keep coming and coming. I feel very lost and completely useless to help him. I am being the kind and supportive wife I have always been but am so scared for him and for our future.
Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2018 2:19 pm
Thanks for reaching out!
I'm actually a problem gambler myself trying to recover on day 6 at the moment
But by reading you're post in my opinion, you really need to sit down with him and get him to show u every single bank/pay pal/personal loans/line of credits EVERYTHING he has, block his access to all of them and visit a financial counselor that can help you with it all. Work out a plan to pay back and reduce fees etc.
Also i think you need to completely cut him off from money for a fair amount of time, if he thinks he needs money to go to shops, give small amounts of cash and ask for receipts. or buy prepaid visa cards with $50 on them at a time.
It sounds really harsh but being a problem gambler myself this is exactly what i would want my partner to do, at first i wouldn't understand and feel like i couldn't be trusted but over time when the amount of money gambled is presented and the damage it has done would quickly understand.
You said yourself your very concerned for both you're futures financially so no half *** measure is going to cut it here, its ALL in or nothing.
Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2018 4:39 pm
Thank you Shaun for your insight from the other side of the problem. I nearly gave in and returned his wallet and phone today, luckily common sense kicked in. I feel terrible, I feel like I am taking away all of his rights and a man does not want to feel useless and belittled and unable to take care of his wife. I want to give him self respect without the fear of something else going wrong. I will sit down and discuss his other avenues of obtaining funds and I will try to secure things. The problem I have is he owns accounts and all he needs to do is make a call or email and bang lines are opened again. Congratulations to you on your sixth day, I hope you are successful in overcoming this.
Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2021 3:34 pm
Just wondering how you are coping now a few years have passed?
I myself am planned to marry later this year and have just found out my fiance is gambling again (very bad this time).
He came to me and told me what was happening and is planning to get all the help he needs.
I am so worried to follow through with our marriage plans as i have lost so much trust, and not sure if i can recover.
I am worried to lose what we have (been together over 9 years), but even more scared of him potentially gambling again after we are married and potentially have kids together.
Just wondering if there was hope for recovery!