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  • I had no idea my partner had a problem

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Kat
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2016 7:14 pm

    I had no idea my partner had a problem

    Wed Aug 17, 2016 7:28 pm

    Up until yesterday I had no idea that our money problems were quite so bad. I have just spoken with a counselor but still thought I would reach out. I am not sure if I need advice or just some time to think but I thought it would be good to vent. We are both very young and have only recently moved out of home so being short on cash hasn't really rang any alarm bells, however when my partner was away for work I got a call about a default on a loan. From here I found out that he has several quick fix loans to supplement taking majority of our income most weeks. He is a chef, I always knew he would go to the pub for a bit of lunch and a drink but I had no idea hours and $100s were spent at the pokies. We don't have much in the way of savings, except for what I thought was $3000 for our first holiday which is all gone. As well as being left with all this debt and accumulating interest on these stupid easy loans.
    We have always had problems with his family and I have always been called a control freak by them. Now I am faced with having to take charge of the finances I am anxious.
    I have had a instinct something has been wrong for a while but ignored my gut feeling and trying to trust him. Now I am left with this pain from being betrayed but a huge sense of worry for him. I want to do anything I can to help both him and myself out of this mess.

    I mostly just want to know that I am not alone? Have other people been completely blind sided by a significant other's addiction? And is there any suggestions on where to from here? I tend to be a bit dramatic, do I give my opinions and push him into some sort of counselling or do I take a back seat and be a silent supporter.
    I am struggling to find my bearings in this craziness, I would usually talk to my mum or friends but I don't want anyone to think badly of him.
    0 x
    Lis
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2016 6:20 pm

    Re: I had no idea my partner had a problem

    Wed Aug 17, 2016 9:11 pm

    Hi Kat- you're not alone that's for sure. I posted my own story in another post two months ago- and some of what you said reminded me of what I went through- and what I'm still going through. Talking helps- I had the same feeling as you- didn't want to tell my family and I only told my closest friends- I didn't want them to think badly of him. But I couldn't cope on my own.
    Two months on and I still don't have a clear sense of direction for us and our relationship. But he's getting help and I try to stay strong.
    If you want to chat more or can't find my story in a similar post, let me know? Stay strong.
    0 x
    Charmaine
    Junior Member
    Posts: 4
    Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2016 7:53 am

    Re: I had no idea my partner had a problem

    Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:34 am

    I understand your frustration I recently posted a vent, feel free to have a read. He has since started seeing a counsellor as I have too (seperately) I walked out on him after he took something of mine to cash converters to get a loan against to gamble after he also spent out food money on pokies. I think that was enough for him to get serious about it. That happened after the first counselling session I might add. He has self excluded himself from the casino but I know it's still a long way to go until I can trust him. He has gambled for years and also had / has payday loans, steals money from work and commits fraudulent claims to get money all to gamble with. This also stems from drinking too. And doesn't help the casino has him on a membership that he gets FREE drinks 24/7 as he obviously has spent that much money on pokies to get that membership. One day at a time. I fully understand your pain. I too can't tell my family and friends the extent as I am too embarrassed and I don't want them to feel sorry for him it's such an emotional roller coaster.
    0 x
    Charlotte (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:53 am

    Re: I had no idea my partner had a problem

    Fri Sep 02, 2016 3:20 pm

    Hi Kat,

    Good on you for seeking out ways to not be alone with the difficult situation you're in. There can be no doubt that finding out about and living with a loved ones gambling is a very emotionally and mentally challenging experience. So, getting support, especially from people who have been there is a good step. I appreciate how difficult it is to take a problem like this to family and friends, but talking through how it's impacting you will be really helpful. To that end, you can always contact Gambler's Helpline (24/7) and speak with a counsellor.

    Keep us posted.

    All the best,
    Charlotte
    0 x
    Belle72
    Junior Member
    Posts: 8
    Joined: Sat Nov 26, 2016 11:17 pm

    Re: I had no idea my partner had a problem

    Tue Dec 06, 2016 7:54 pm

    You are definitely not alone and I really feel for you.

    I've also found out my partner has a betting issue and I am truly ready to run a mile.... Couldn't deal with that stress in my life. I have enough to deal with....

    Find a way to protect yourself financially so that you are not taking on his debts.

    Good luck xxxxx
    0 x

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