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  • 2 weeks to go

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Elyse 
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2016 12:48 am

    2 weeks to go

    Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:44 am

    After 11 years of ignorance, it's been 5 months since I found out. Not that he told me, oh no. Very well hidden. But my clever little computer flashed up the subjects of 3 new emails for him, when I turned it on. All about loan applications or payments. I confronted him and that's the only day I've seen any emotion about it, he seemed devastated. But he wouldn't talk about it, and still won't. Said he would rather break up than have to talk, when I said that I needed some honesty. I guess that would have been it, except that he threw me a bone, said his idea for rebuilding trust was to repay the money he owed me, then to start making regular payments to our joint account for bills. This was early May. We agreed on June 30 as the repayment deadline. Then nothing. No money, and not a word about it. The week before the deadline was horrible, I couldn't sleep much, I got a cold sore, my skin broke out, I was hopeless at work. On the 29th I finally snapped when he asked what was wrong. Said I was stressed. Asked him what day it was? What had we agreed on by the end of June? Oh, I thought it was July he says. I'll fix you up. So, new deadline, end of July. Said I wouldn't remind him again. And I won't. That will be the end of us. I've been to counselling, he refused. The word denial came up a lot. Bit of a rant here, sorry!
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1718
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 2 weeks to go

    Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:17 pm

    Hi Elyse..I understand your frustration it must be very difficult for you..
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    Miette (facilitator)
    Member
    Posts: 59
    Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 11:11 am

    Re: 2 weeks to go

    Tue Jul 19, 2016 4:29 pm

    Hi Elyse,
    Welcome to the forum. It sounds like a very lonely and difficult place you are in right now. I imagine that there are lots of others on this forum that can relate to your experience and the feelings around lack of trust and honesty. Does anyone have any suggestions of what would be helpful for Elyse at this time?
    Do you have support Elyse? A good place to start is calling Gambler's Helpline 1800 858 858, a confidential and 24/7 service. Support is offered to both people who gamble and also loved ones who are impacted by another's gambling.
    Know that there is support and understanding out there for you.
    Take care,
    Miette.
    0 x
    emma
    Junior Member
    Posts: 7
    Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2016 12:56 am

    Re: 2 weeks to go

    Wed Jul 20, 2016 10:18 pm

    I could easily rant too... I tried the same... keep waiting on hubby to come forward on promises for transparency, putting limits on how much he can gamble etc but it doesn't happen. With every week he doesn't it feels like more lies, lack of respect etc. I don't sleep, worried, stressed etc. Then I feel like the bad guy when I ask about it about once a month. However if I didn't bring it up, he wouldn't initiate the conversation topic. Id be none the wiser if I hadn't found out through other means. I'm actually at the 5 month mark since our/his confession chat - when he knew I knew... The most most progress we made was him giving me access to one of his bank accounts online a few weeks back- but that was awful. I had to sit in front with a pen and paper and not leave until i had the details. Awful. Must have been awful for him but I felt like such a bully. But not a bully enough to see the other credit card passwords etc. Who knows what debt we are in on top of the card i can see. He came with me to the counselor once... but since then has found excuses not to return to appointments I go to. Hopefully he'll come this next one. I want to help and be supportive.. but man its hard when i'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and just wanting to rant which i realize will not help!

    Anyways - happy to hear you rant. You may just need to keep reminding him as if its anything like my situation - its not going to happen unprompted.
    0 x

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