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  • Day One for Ari

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    ari
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 6:10 pm

    Day One for Ari

    Sat Apr 11, 2015 2:58 pm

    Today will be day one. I have promised myself to get on here every single day and write a post to prove to myself that I am done with gambling. To seek all possible support. I will document my self exclusion, GA meetings and counselling. Two days ago I lost my weeks wage as usual. I had paid my rent but not done any food shopping etc. I figured out that night how I would get more money. So yesterday I make my way to the hock shop and in goes my brand new iphone. Off to the pub I go with the thrilling feelings that I can win back my wage plus the money to get the phone out of hock. 5 or so hours later and out I walk with nothing. And Rather than fooling myself, i should be honest and know that if i had of won anything substantial it would have meant another few hours longer in there anyway.

    The thing I also find hard is the safety and escape that i feel in the pokie room. I often try and persuade myself to do something that i enjoy like watching a film or travelling into the city and having a nice lunch. But the pokie room offers me so much more comfort. Maybe it is because i am in the strong grip of full blown addiction at the moment and i can't see past it at the moment. I have isolated so much from family, friends and life over the years that i struggle to be a part of it now.

    I will be ringing for an appointment for self exclusion on monday along with the counselling. Hoping i get in asap. I get paid on wednesday and will go and get my iphone out of hock but am really scared of having any money in my possession. Scared shitless actually, of ever having money ever again. Scared if all the debts i have to pay and scared of all the family and friends i have ignored.

    I wish this website was in an app form where you could easily navigate and post and be in contact with others who need support. A little like a facebook system whilst still maintaining anonymity.

    A little all over the place here,but hey it is day one. Walking towards the future where that dark dark cloud will no longer be.
    0 x
    deb2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2014 7:13 am

    Re: Day One for Ari

    Mon Apr 13, 2015 5:20 pm

    Ari I feel for you,truely its so hard yet you like me are looking to break the cycle and I need to stop now. how does one get controlled by a machine? how silly that sounds,yet that's exactly what it is a machine. Not even a person dealing a hand of cards. just an impersonal cold and uncaring greedy piece of crap.is it because it doesn't talk back? just on the odd occasion makes a lot of noise and spews out some coins. Seems like for me its always the next machine giving out ,not the one I am playing.do I think it will catch on and start playing fair? how we fool ourselves into just another twenty dollars ect... I did stop before and saved money and was proud of myself. Still cant figure out why I went back.
    so Ari,good luck and remember your not alone.
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    User avatar
    Neve [admin]
    Member
    Posts: 70
    Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:52 pm

    Re: Day One for Ari

    Tue Apr 14, 2015 9:51 am

    Hello Ari, welcome to this forum.
    It's really interesting what you said about the pokies rooms, you used words like safety, escape, comfort. Perhaps this is a big part of their allure..part of why someone will go back to them.. Whenever I have been at a pokies room I can certainly see that concept of an 'escape'.
    It's great that you are taking some positive steps towards change, hope you are going well since posting the other day? As Deb said, you are not alone - keep in touch.
    Neve
    0 x
    User avatar
    Neve [admin]
    Member
    Posts: 70
    Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:52 pm

    Re: Day One for Ari

    Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:16 am

    Hello again, I only just saw your other posts Ari :) - good to hear you're going ok.
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    ari
    Junior Member
    Posts: 12
    Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 6:10 pm

    Re: Day One for Ari

    Tue Apr 14, 2015 11:19 pm

    Today is day 4. I am feeling good and am just waiting on counselling to ring me back with appointment time and also waiting to hear back from self exclusion. I feel like I really need it asap as i am scared of when i get money in my hands tomorrow. But that's how it goes. I will really let myself down if I cannot even make it until my appointments without gambling. I don't have an urge to escape or spend any time in a pokie room but I am struggling with thinking about recouping losses. It is so damn silly that I even contemplate it but as soon as the thought comes, I am putting a stop to it and also reminding myself of the times I'd won a months worth of wages but still couldn't walk out of the pokie room.
    Cannot wait for my appointments to be set and particularly the self exclusion one as I don't want to give my mind the time to back out of it due to embarrassment. That is what happened last time i was going to do it. Anyhow doing ok so far with just a little fear of money being in my hands. Note to self - all i need to do to solve this problem is to 'not go!'. Thanks for the support.
    0 x
    User avatar
    Neve [admin]
    Member
    Posts: 70
    Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:52 pm

    Re: Day One for Ari

    Wed Apr 15, 2015 9:16 am

    Ari,
    just thinking if you are worried about having access to money tomorrow, would you consider restricting how much cash you have on you, or leave your bank cards at home/give them to someone else? The GHO website has lots of information that might be helpful http://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/re ... ur-assets/
    I hope you hear back about your appointments soon.
    Neve
    0 x

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