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  • It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Jack
    Junior Member
    Posts: 10
    Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:22 am

    It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:53 am

    Hello to anyone interested in reading.

    My name is Jack and I am of course, a problem gambler.

    Tonight I have taken the first step in my own treatment for this life crushing addiction and spoke online with a counselor, and they have past on some information as to how I can exclude myself from a few venues at once.

    It has cost me a lot more than money before I could make this decision, it has cost me friends, family, relationships and life.

    At this very moment I am feeling devastated and squashed knowing that I have basically amounted to nothing because of my addiction and I feel extremely stupid for somehow letting it get to this.

    I'm sorry if this seems like useless dribble but I need to get these feelings out so I can read back on them and hope that not only I, and possibly some others will benefit from this.

    I am a very strange gambler, my weakness is gaming machines, and I bet way beyond my means to the point of walking out of a venue with zero dollers to my name and debts up to my eyeballs (phone bills, rego, insurance, electricity, etc) that seem to come second to gambling.

    But once I have gambled away every cent that I have made for the week from work, I will not even think about playing a machine until next pay day, the thought doesn't even enter my mind.

    So I ask not only myself now, but also you ladies and gents, why is it that this urge is so strong but only for that moment when I have money? (Because after I finish at the venue I 95% of the time, have wasted every cent I have even if I have won throughout the night)

    I'll leave it at that for tonight as I have myself a decent Gambling hangover that I'm nursing, hopefully for the last time.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I'd really love to hear back from some of you great folks, I admire you all immensely for what you are all going through and I'd really love to say I can be here for you guys too at some point.

    Yours honestly
    Jack
    0 x
    Sandra
    Junior Member
    Posts: 10
    Joined: Sun May 26, 2013 4:58 pm

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:46 am

    Hi Jack,

    My name is Sandra. I am also nursing a huge gambling hangover this morning and I also have contacted the online help. This really is life crushing as you said and I understand everyword that you have said in your letter. I hope that both of us now that we have taken this step; can now work towards an end to this addiction., I really dont understand it at all....its like how can a sensible person that has always been so good with her money and budgeting and saving suddenly turn into an addict and loose everything that she has worked so hard to save and achieve in life? And now be in such crippling debt that I have no idea how the hell I will get out of it?

    What you said is not useless dribble at all, it is an honest outpouring of frustration that needed to come out! I sincerely hope that you succeed and maybe we can both look forward to a better life...

    Good Luck Jack

    Sandra.
    0 x
    User avatar
    doug
    Senior Member
    Posts: 362
    Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:51 pm

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:13 pm

    hi Jack and Sandra.

    thanks for the posts.

    its not useless dribble at all. . its opening up your mind and letting alot of stuff out,

    stress, dispair, worthlessness, confusion, depression. slipups,,,, ups and downs... starting over,, learning, moving forward.

    it has and still all applies to me..

    after awhile,, time and effort hopefully will let your/my/our minds sorta sort it out and manage it.

    manage is the key word in most cases,,,, its ongoing,,, i will always be a gambler,, but that doesn't mean i will gamble again or often.

    but hopefully manage it enough to not let it totally mess up my life and others
    0 x
    Doug who's the good dog?
    User avatar
    BriM
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 3:05 pm

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Tue Jun 18, 2013 3:46 pm

    Hey Jack and Sandra,

    Welcome and... good luck! It's really great to have you on here, really courageous to have taken the first step (and can I just be honest, you've chosen a pretty beautiful and supportive space to step into!) so good on you both .

    My name's Bri, I'm one of the facilitators on here. If you have any questions about anything just post or shoot me a private message, but I think things are pretty straightforward :-/ you could start by reading the terms and conditions and the post 'how to use this forum' if you get stuck for ideas.

    Looking forward to chatting more

    Bri
    0 x
    User avatar
    Noah (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 308
    Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2012 3:53 pm

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Tue Jun 18, 2013 6:13 pm

    Hi Jack, I'm Noah, one of the facilitators with gambling help online... thanks for sharing your story and your thoughts so openly... it sounds like you're not alone in this dilemma that gambling urges being strongest when you have money... it sounds like you're not the only one that experiences this.... Wondering if other forum members have this experience too and have any thoughts as to why...?

    What ever the reason is, it's good that you know unlimited access to cash is a major danger point for you...I've attached a couple of links..one about 'urge management' https://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/r ... -quitting/and the other gives some ideas about you could protect yourself financially http://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/re ... ur-assets/ (might be nothing new to you but perhaps will act as a spring board for other ideas...)

    Welcome and I hope you'll stay in touch

    Noah
    Jack (18/06/2013)Hello to anyone interested in reading.

    My name is Jack and I am of course, a problem gambler.

    Tonight I have taken the first step in my own treatment for this life crushing addiction and spoke online with a counselor, and they have past on some information as to how I can exclude myself from a few venues at once.

    It has cost me a lot more than money before I could make this decision, it has cost me friends, family, relationships and life.

    At this very moment I am feeling devastated and squashed knowing that I have basically amounted to nothing because of my addiction and I feel extremely stupid for somehow letting it get to this.

    I'm sorry if this seems like useless dribble but I need to get these feelings out so I can read back on them and hope that not only I, and possibly some others will benefit from this.

    I am a very strange gambler, my weakness is gaming machines, and I bet way beyond my means to the point of walking out of a venue with zero dollers to my name and debts up to my eyeballs (phone bills, rego, insurance, electricity, etc) that seem to come second to gambling.

    But once I have gambled away every cent that I have made for the week from work, I will not even think about playing a machine until next pay day, the thought doesn't even enter my mind.

    So I ask not only myself now, but also you ladies and gents, why is it that this urge is so strong but only for that moment when I have money? (Because after I finish at the venue I 95% of the time, have wasted every cent I have even if I have won throughout the night)

    I'll leave it at that for tonight as I have myself a decent Gambling hangover that I'm nursing, hopefully for the last time.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I'd really love to hear back from some of you great folks, I admire you all immensely for what you are all going through and I'd really love to say I can be here for you guys too at some point.

    Yours honestly
    Jack
    0 x
    Jack
    Junior Member
    Posts: 10
    Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:22 am

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:57 am

    Hi again everyone

    First of all I'd like to say a huge thank you to the people that have replied, WOW, the feeling I got from reading them made me feel that little bit less alone.

    At the moment I am somewhat filling with pride that I have taken some initial steps to get rid of this filthy addiction and hopefully can carry through with it.

    Sandra, I wish you all the best with your upcoming battle. Maybe we can kind of help each other.

    Thanks guys and gals.

    Jack
    0 x
    Anna1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 409
    Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:35 am

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:27 pm

    jack, Sandra
    hi and welcome to the forum.
    I've never been able to make much sense of the urges and drives in relation to my gambling; I just know that gambling completely messed with the meaning of money for me. it wasn't until all was lost that I would leave a venue either, knowing beforehand that if i went over a certain time I would not only have to face the music of having spent all my funds for the coming fortnight, but also be facing a three hour walk in the middle of the night if i wanted to get home. None of that ever stopped me once I started.
    i recently excluded myself from crown casino with a bit of a push from members in this forum; glad I did it-the exclusion deed is actually framed sitting on my desk infront of me; but another significance of it for me is that at crown-once I'd lost everything - I was able to sit in the venue and wait for the first train back home; as uncomfortable as that was - it meant that i was more likely to come from yarra valley and gamble, not paying heed to time; now I'd come unstuck, as I wouldn't know where to go that is open 24 hours, and finally something inside me is too scared to take the risk of being left to walk the streets in the middle of the night.
    But tomorrow it will be two weeks since I've gambled and because I want to get 100 days up-everything inside me is screaming! The addiction really wants to stay alive, and if it wasn't for this forum I wouldn't know where to turn.
    I hope it helps you as much as it's helping me
    0 x
    Loobylou
    Junior Member
    Posts: 23
    Joined: Sun Apr 07, 2013 10:29 am

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:52 pm

    Hi Jack & Sandra, both your stories sound just like mine. I have been a very sensible, responsible person all my life. Except for when the pokies hit town.

    Sandra my finances are an absolute mess & after day 80 I am only just getting a grip on the overdue part. I used to take great pride in saving.

    Soon I should be on top of these overdue bits, then I will be able to start chipping away at the rest.

    I have found this challenge great for me. It is the longest I have gone without gambling in about 10 years.

    Good luck to you both. LL
    0 x
    User avatar
    Angelina.
    Senior Member
    Posts: 326
    Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:43 pm

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:38 pm

    Loobylou,

    I have just read that this is the longest in 10 years for you? Wanted to say what an AMAZING EFFORT! Champion!

    Warm regards,

    Angelina
    0 x
    Jack
    Junior Member
    Posts: 10
    Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:22 am

    RE: It all starts right now (wish me luck)

    Thu Jun 20, 2013 1:47 pm

    Just to keep everyone informed and because I'm quite proud of myself, I started my self exclusions today and excluded myself from the main two venues I play machines at.

    Thanks for the support guys.

    Jack
    0 x

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