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A fresh start!

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Re: A fresh start!

Postby buttercup (facilitator) » Tue Jun 05, 2018 1:34 pm

Hi @Springhope17 how are you going, i note that your last post was about getting some counselling. That is a good positive step in the right direction. I am glad it provided the support you needed. Have you had any further sessions and how have you been faring?.
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby Springhope17 » Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:04 pm

Today marks 50 days GF!

I am happy I made the effort to quit after my last relapse! Last time I made it to 128 days GF this time I want to make it more permanent. My relapse proved to me that once I gamble again even just once i lose control. Chasing my losses or chasing more wins! Getting into more debt, losing more time, telling more lies its mentally and physically exhausting.

I am more committed then ever to clear my debt and finally be free! I feel like once my debt is cleared then I can finally start to move on without the constant reminder of how close I was/still am to losing everything! Realistically it will be probably 2 years until my debt is gone. But each one that I clear feels like a small victory!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby Giveupforgood » Sun Jun 10, 2018 7:46 pm

Awesome effort. Well done!
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby Cazza » Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:20 pm

Well done on your 50 days spring hope. Everyday GF is sweet 😊
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby flipper (facilitator) » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:18 pm

That is brilliant SpringHope17! Keeping taking it a day at a time, each day gets you closer to achieving your goals :)
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby Springhope17 » Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:35 pm

Just checkin in 61 days GF!

Things have been up and down. I have been still sick which is definitely getting me down and struggling day to day!

Also dealing with banks/creditors!

I have an amazing counsellor she really has helped me alot and I am getting alot out of our sessions!

I am trying really hard to be positive but I am still struggling with urges, and my past actions that have put me in this position! How could I have been so stupid!
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby JinxyWolf » Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:56 pm

Hi Springhope,

Congrats on 61 days that's awesome :cool: :cool:

There comes a time on this journey that you have to let go of past mistakes and start looking toward to future you are building. We all have regrets but if you keep banging up against them you'll never get anywhere.

Just keep fighting those urges, talk to your councellor and don't forget you have a lot of support on this forum.

Dig in those heels and when the urges hit, just take a minute, think about how far you've come and what you are truly fighting for, Freedom.

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Re: A fresh start!

Postby Cazza » Sat Jun 23, 2018 9:49 am

Well done Springhope on 61 days.
I too struggle with the thought of my debt too. I know we aren't supposed to look back and just keep going foward. But like you i just get overwhelming thoughts of how could I have been so stupid for so long and created such a pile of crap for my financial future .

All i can do is pull up my big girl pants and get on with it and keep in mind that I now can work out a budget and actually stick to it. Remember when we used to gamble and we would tell ourselves i will put money away for this and that and yet spend it gambling.
I can now budget my income, some for credit card debt some for mortgage and some for fun.
I think by not gambling for 11 weeks i have not wasted around $6,000 and that is my positive.
Keep going and keep finding your positive Springhope 😊
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby Springhope17 » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:09 pm

Thanks for all the support!

Its just what I need! Sometimes I feel like I am so alone in all this like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I am just trying to hold it all together! Trying to recover while still hide my addiction from friends, family and colleagues.

My partner knows about my addiction but he too has a gambling addiction we have been our own worst enemies dragging each other back to the pokies! I use to blame myself and he use to blame me. But its both of us. The thing is as much I try to support him I need to look after myself first! I have been the one out of control with my chasing my losses but he has been there with me most of the time sitting there gambling all my money now nearly $80,000 debts (all in my name of course). I have lied to him in the past about how much I spend saying i only spend $500 but really it was $1500. Or about taking out payday loans to get by to cover rent, electricity, childcare, food.

But even now he will say lets just go to the casino and play $50 or use our points! I'm like NO we have already gave the casino $80000! Let alone all the time and heartache. I just wish I had a support partner who could help me, take control of my finances, support me! But instead I need to deal with my addiction and his cos at this stage he has become more out of control them me! Did I turn him into an addict? Is this more punishment for me due to my past actions.

I know I am rambling but I just needed to get this off my chest.
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Re: A fresh start!

Postby JinxyWolf » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:56 pm

Hi Springhope,

We are all responsible for our own addictions, no one else. If your partner also has a gambling addiction that is on his head, not yours. You shouldn't have to carry the burden of his addiction as well as your own. It's hard enough to battle this addiction when it's you own. As hard as it is you have to be selfish on this journey, you have to put yourself first.

I think you really need to think about finding someone else to confide in, whether that is a family member or close friend. Opening up to family or friends about your addiction will give you another avenue of support to lean on when you really need it and you wont have that added pressure of someone who wants to constantly go to the pokies.

Have you thought about going to a concellor together? maybe this will help you both in understanding how to battle this addiction as a united front.

Stay strong and remember you are doing this for yourself, and you deserve to be happy.

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