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Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

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Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Menz199 » Sat Dec 23, 2017 7:36 am

Hi all
So I've been gambling for the last 4 years and lost more money than I can imagine, I'm 21 almost 22.

It all started with online poker, originally it was just a few dollars here and there, but over time it became more and more, until I kept running out of money. Then I was squeezing every dollar I could to find my problem.
Thankfully since the government
Banned online poker in September this has stopped.

But now I've turned to pokies and blackjack to soothe my cravings.

I really want to stop, I just find it so hard, this year I was gamble free for 3 months, and that felt like a huge achievement for me.

But since then, I thought, to myself why not, I was in a town far away from anyone, so there was no thought of guilt, or stress, so I went to the nearest club and started gambling, and since then the horried, evil obsession has taken back my life, and I've been gambling 4 out of 7 days a week.

I've used self-exclusion in the past, and found it quite helpful, and I've restarted it again.

I am looking to go back to GA meetings next year, as I started avoiding them, because of the guilt factor.

But another thing I'm ashamed of is why can't I ever be honest with my loved ones, I never tell them, and they only find out when things have snowballed into chaos.

Just why I ask myself, why do I let it get this bad before I seek help.

I have more debt than I imagine but thankfully mum and I set up a joint account in which my pay goes into so, it has slowly built up, and I can soon start paying back debts.

I've also started the 100 day challenge so that is something into which I can vent my personal frustrations, as well as on here.
But it will also help me to keep track of how long I've been gamble free.

I know I can do this, but it's so hard to
But I'm thinking positive.
Menz199
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby little_fish » Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:34 am

So hard. Absolutely. I've had countless day ones, too. Sounds like you've set yourself up well. All we can do is keep going.
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Mona58 » Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:55 am

Read posts ... read everything you can to understand gambling.

It is difficult to share our dilemma with family and friends who don't gamble thus it adds to the element of difficulty, You are very young and deserve to be applauded for realising and admitting to your addiction.

Ring gamb helpline 1800 858 858 they can guide and support you on your journey.

Keep posting and unloading your thoughts... it really helps because you know we have all the very same gambler thoughts.

Mona on day 70 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby JinxyWolf » Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:09 pm

Hi Menz199 and Welcome,

Shame and guilt can be overwhelming and paralyzing emotions. We have all felt them, and it's what keeps us from confiding in those we love.
Until we confront and acknowledge these emotions head on we can't move forward. Telling my folks about the depth of my gambling problem was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it had to be done. Not only did I owe it to them to be honest about how bad things had gotten, it gave me another person to be accountable to. They now knew everything, I couldn't hide it from them any longer and I didn't didn't want to, I needed them to know. Being totally open and honest with them allowed me to free myself of some of the guilt and shame I was feeling. Over time the remaining guilt and shame began to fade and other emotions began to take over, like happiness, contentment and a feeling of self acceptance I hadn't felt for a long time. Now of course this didn't happen over night and there were many ups and downs but I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

You can do this and you are doing it, your on your way to kicking this addiction once and for all. Just remember that this is a marathon not a sprint, there will be ups and downs. Learn your triggers, when urges hit, distract yourself and know that they will pass and given time become less intense.

I found this saying on this forum and found it to be extremely helpful "Don't say I'll never Gamble again" sounds impossible right? Just say "I will not Gamble today" yeah I can do that.

Be Well and Merry Christmas
JinxyWolf
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Menz199 » Mon Dec 25, 2017 4:26 pm

Thanks guys, the last few days have been great, as I've been around family and they help keep dark thoughts at bay.
I've been reading a lot of posts as well, and helps knowing there are many supportive people around me as we all want to achieve the same thing.

Merry Christmas all, hope today has been good for everyone
Menz199
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Menz199 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:41 am

Guys, I fallen down the hole again, today I'm restarting again, I'm feeling absolutely crap, and am yet to tell anyone anything, I feel nothing will cheer me up, anything helpful you can suggest?
Menz199
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Jeddie » Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:20 pm

Tell someone and if they are not supportive tell someone else until you get the help you need. Ring the gambling hotline and hang on until they answer. Do the 100 day challenge. Read everything on this forum and then read it again. DO NOT give in to the feelings of dispair because every day it gets a little easier.

Post on here, talk to us


112gf days
IN GAMBLING THE MANY MUST LOSE IN ORDER THAT THE FEW MAY WIN
George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Menz199 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:13 pm

Thanks Jeddie
That makes me feel a little better, I've been a bit of meditation, and am going to write down my thoughts, to try to understand my triggers, because I don't don't understand them, I can't break free of this disease.
I'm also going to put reminders on my phone, to be thankful for each day I am gf, and also try and recite the serenity prayer each day.
By the way, you can call me Thomas
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Menz199 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:15 pm

I want to reach 100 days, as I reached it before, and it felt exhilarating when I reached it last year. That is one goal I can strive for
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Re: Day 1 starting over again, for like the umpteenth time

Postby Mona58 » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:23 pm

Hi Menz

It is a hard addiction to break. Keep reading posts even when you don't want to Most especially when feeling down. Keep reminding yourself how it feels to be in a rut and keep telling yourself you don't want to gamble anymore. Accept each emotion as it comes and no matter whether your happy or sad just DON'T gamble. You will be surprised by how quickly time passes when Focusing on what you are doing... the gamble thought pops up and just remember that its an old thought and that you don't gamble anymore. Reprogramming Our computer is easier than reprogramming our mind... over time I suppose we can lose that gamble program we have by NOT using it. Like jeddie says Don't give in to the feelings of despair ... these emotions are normal and will happen throughout life. As gamblers our means of escape had been to gamble... As non gambling gamblers we have to seek comfort elsewhere. l hardly think about pokies now and often think about what I can do today... read posts... read a book... go shopping even with $20 I'd head to Bunnings! Perhaps get yourself a journal and write things down ... draw...scribble. Finding something new and meeting new people works for some... there's so much you can do for change ...

stay strong and life becomes so much more nicer when we don't gamble,

Mona on day 98 GF
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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