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WoW Where do I Start

Discuss and ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Sun Mar 26, 2017 1:20 am

Hey Team
Amazing week.
What an interesting addiction.
On Wednesday i had won some furniture on Buy/Sell/Swap this needed to be paid asap to hold it. As many many people were in line if I didnt lock it in. My husband gave me his ATM Card to get the $ out and go pay the lady after my work.
I will try explain 'urge' to the best of my ability.
So ive had no urge through my recovery from 4th March until that money came out of that ATM.
OMG....what on earth is this feeling, this total blank...why am i getting this money out, ive forgotten why im hea.
Whats happening im hypmotized. I snap out of it and head to the lady to pay this furniture.
From there i go straight to my sister and hand her the ATM card.
So very powerful this horrid addiction!

Then on Friday we were advised that the vendor had a clause in our contract that let them extend the settlement date from 5/4 to 12/5.
I had organised everything
Trucks/Cleaners/Power/Mail Redirect/Annual Leave.....and now we have been extended for 5 weeks.
Most stressful day on Friday my family kick into gear. Organising storage/accommodation an intrim stay as i have already handed notice on our rental.
My husbands cousin has been invited to England and leaves on 3/4 for 2 months. Just like that she offers her townhouse with a double garage to store our furniture.
Im in absolute ore!
For this week I am so Greatful for lessons learnt.
And to have faith that all will be ok. 😊
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby pamela » Sun Mar 26, 2017 9:05 am

Well Cil. what a long way you have come.Well done with controlling that urge..its a terrible addiction but it can be beaten.Luck has come your way so embrace your good fortune and enjoy the now..great work
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:34 pm

I love your comment "What an interesting addiction"

It shows that you are really taking the time to learn about your addiction. some people feel like it is just a simple matter of willpower, but in reality addiction is incredibly complex and different for each person. By learning about our addictions we can learn what strategies work and what don't.

each urge is a learning experience.
Jerry (facilitator)
Senior Member
Posts: 331
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2015 12:02 pm

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Wed Apr 05, 2017 12:54 pm

Good Afternoon All
Its 1 month ago today I made a true and honest decision to never let this addiction control my life ever again.
I love this new me.
But I know it only takes one time.
When life is busy I take 10 mins to reflect, it is one of the most balancing things I do for myself.
I have to thank my wonderful husband who is my strength.
He loves his new found responsiblitiy of paying bills organising the accounts. Putting my $20 twice a week into my account. If he wasnt my rock I can truely say I wouldnt be this lady today.
So today I say thank u to all that have come my way. Xx
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Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:08 am

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby blastoise (facilitator) » Wed Apr 05, 2017 3:14 pm

Hi Cil,

I have just read though the posts since your first joined.....Such a wonderful change over the past month and a bit. I know you mentioned you husband has been a pillar of strength, but for those people new to the forum and maybe feeling the pressures of making such a big change, what has been helpful to you?

Keep up the good work!

blastoise (facilitator)
Senior Member
Posts: 222
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2015 3:49 pm

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Wed Apr 05, 2017 5:27 pm

Afternoon Blastoise

Thank U for ur post.
Hello to all that are New to this forum and reading my journey.
I have to say I was at my rock bottom on the 4 March 2017.
I had no choice I had to stop. I was harming myself, my family, my friends. I was a ticking time bomb.
I say this because of my belief, I knew on the 4th March I either do something about it or harm will come my way. This showed itself through my higher power.
On the 5th March I sort help Doctor 1st, GA Online 2nd, Psycologist 3rd, Gambling Counsellor 4th, FaceBook GA 5th and lastly I attend GA Meetings. 6th.
After my 5th March doctor meeting I saw my higher power again and thats when I knew I was on the right track.
I have trust now that all will be ok. And i deal with anger or frustrated differently than i use to.
I have let my husband know for the 1st time. What i say in a GA meeting. He was understanding. And told me keep going to your meetings they help me release.
I love my contact with all that is GA related and I beleive it is part of my life now.
As time goes by it becomes weaker. I am sooo busy I have no idea how I found the time for 4 hours every 2nd or 3rd day in front of a pokie machine. It boggles me to think I had to have been going on adrenaline cause I cant remember much walking out of a pub broke.
I do love being tired now because i put the hard yards into work or the dog or house chores i love havin a nap after a long day.
I hope this helps anyone on there journey through recovery.
Once I move house....Yippy ....I will happily read all the journeys on here.
There is a book out there called "All Bets Are Off" by Arnie and Sheila Wexler. Im going to buy this and have a read. He is one of the GA members on FB who has been clean 48 years and wrote a book of his journey. When Ive finished reading it ill gladly send it on to anyone who would like to read.
Happy Days All Xx
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Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:08 am

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby User 586eee5282d07 » Wed Apr 05, 2017 10:15 pm

Hi cil,

What an awesome post☺ how amazing how your life has changed in a month or so. That book sounds good, let us know what you think of it when youve had time in your schedule to read it. Lol.

Higher power...love, love,love!! The impact to my life has been wonderful.

Take care
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Posts: 318
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:37 pm

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby pamela » Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:34 am

HI Col..wow what a difference in your posts now.You have done a great job and come such a long way..well done.be very proud
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Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Cil » Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:27 am

Evening All
Its early in the morning and im awake.
Im so annoyed at a cleaner we hired and Im lying here thinking of all the ways i can get revenge.

Is this what real life problems feel like?
Do businesses really take you for granted?
I know i over think a situation.
To pay for a service and it not be done to standard.

Hmm.....as i lay here in bed. I say to myself it was $300 ......... u Cil could have done that in the blink of an eye in a pokie machine.
Some how that very statement lessens my anger.
Am i being punished? Is this a challenge?
Addicted me is setting a mini law suit up in my head.
Have faith that all will be ok.
Deep breath!!

After I wrote the above, I went to my other GA page and 1st thing I saw was the below reflection.
Thank U for this passage.

“APRIL 9 Reflection for the Day

Faith is more than our greatest gift; sharing it with others is our greatest responsibility. May we in the Gamblers Anonymous Program continually seek the wisdom and the willingness by which we may well fulfill the immense trust which the Giver of all perfect gifts has placed in our hands.
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Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2017 6:08 am

Re: WoW Where do I Start

Postby Charlotte (facilitator) » Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:21 pm

Wow Cil, what a serendipitous thing to read at that time. Sometimes we are guided by a force greater than ourselves to what is good, if we allow ourselves to be. It sounds like the changes you have made have enable you to be guided by a force for good, rather than the destructive force of the pokies.

I think what you raised about the cleaner issue is really interesting, and I don't think you are being punished! It seems to me that without gambling you are living life on life's terms and with that comes all the ups and downs of daily interactions, difficulties in relationships, and general frustrations - without gambling we are not cushioned from these, but the more we experience them without running to the machines, the better we get at coping with them.

Well done for your achievements so far and all the hard work you are putting in. From here it looks like it's paying off :)

Charlotte (facilitator)
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