" "

100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

The 100 Day Challenge is a program where you set your goals - reduce your gambling or stop gambling altogether, it's up to you. Log onto the 100 Day Challenge website to follow the real stories of four Australians trying to give up gambling for inspiration and get the tools and support you need to find the real you. Click here to sign up, and post about your own challenge here on the Gambling Help Online Community Forum!


100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:57 pm

Tonight I signed up for the 100 day Challenge.. it has been 7 days since I last gambled.

Gambling became a problem in my life about 5 years ago. I was bored, lonely and isolated i went to the casino to escape reality! I lost time, experiences, money... ALOT of money and confidence. About 3 years ago i thought I had it all sorted but then had a few set backs in life which lead to be feeling down and low... i turned to pokie machines. The more I lost the more i chased my losses. I reached out for help 2 years ago.. went to counselling, saw a financial counsellor tried to sort everything out. Then I had another set back my mother got sick i went to stay with her for a few months when i went back to work I turned to gambling again.

The chasing the losses is what has had me hooked! The more I lose the more desperate I become! Now I am living pay check to pay check trying to keep up with the bills, repay the loans and the credit cards! When I feel overwhelmed with the amount of bills i turn to pokies.. thinking if only i could win $200 i could pay this or $500 I could pay this. I rationalise in my head I havent had a big win in ages over a year surely I am due. If I won the $10000 jackpot I could pay this or if I won the big $50000 or $100000 jackpot all my problems would be solved! YES I KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS i sound! In all honesty even if i won the biggest jackpot I would only break even with the amount of money I would of lost over the years.

I dont like myself very much anymore! I am angry, frustrated, disappointed that I let things go so far and get so bad! I hate myself when i gamble.. it use to be something that i enjoyed doing to some extent.

I have got a long road ahead to me and I need to make up for alot of things and to alot of people I have let down over the years and they really have no idea why.

I want to change not just for my family and friends but more then anything for myself. I dont want to be that person sitting in the casino on the pokie machine for hours and hours my entire body filled with anxiety. Then the worst feeling in the world walking out having lost every dollar feeling completely worthless!

Its been 7 days so far i havent gambled.. i dont want to gamble again! in the past i have thought i will stop for a month or so then just go gamble as long as its in control, not this time i am not interested. Gambling has nearly destroyed my whole life.

I am hopeful and determined that this is the turning point.
Springhope17
Member
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Sat Sep 09, 2017 2:51 am

Hi springhope17

Congrats on 7 days. Sounds like you really want to quit, but don't trust yourself at all. Same boat as me, so making yourself accountable to this challenge is a good additional strategy.

You say: " I want to change not just for my family and friends but more then anything for myself. I dont want to be that person sitting in the casino on the pokie machine for hours and hours my entire body filled with anxiety. Then the worst feeling in the world walking out having lost every dollar feeling completely worthless! "

100% agree. I remember years ago saying "I want to change, because I want to be a success"
I had exactly the same feelings as you - I don't want to be that gambling person.

The hardest thing I have found is staying quit. I have come to realise that: I cannot gamble at all, so complete abstinence is the only away; limiting access to funds is the most effective of mitigation strategies (but you need a whole suite of them - it's important to understand how your brain works in relation to gambling and have strategies to make it make a better choice (see my challenge post on more of this, through my discussions with jimi68)).Understanding your true self, and reconnecting with your true interests is important and leads to a more enjoyable, purposeful life. Your true life.

Keep posting!
DFP
Member
 
Posts: 94
Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2017 9:56 am

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:08 am

Thanks DFP,

I checked out your post and it was really helpful!

I feel like when i get the urge to gamble I become completely out of control! In my head I say over and over walk away.. just walk away.. but something always stops.. chasing my loses.. its a horrible cycle!

I watched some of videos from the inspirations stories on the 100 day challenge last night i saw a lot of myself in the people. The anxiety, the frustration and disappointed about the impact gambling has had on my life.

Today my goal is to put financial restrictions in place to stop me accessing my money. Hopefully this can be done on Sat!

This is particularly important as tomorrow night we are going and staying in the city (next to the casino!!) Yes i am aware its like playing with fire! It was booked over 6 months ago and I did consider cancelling it however was told as there wasn't enough notice I would have to pay the full amount!
So this will be a big test but I am hopeful and focused!

My plan is to not take any extra money with me! Plan activities for us away from the casino - this is doable as we have out little one coming with us! It will be good for us to spend some time as a family together! So today I will research events, activities and places to eat in the city.

I am also going to the library to get some books of gambling and making positive changes in my life!

From previous counselling sessions a couple of years ago I was able to recognise my triggers and the warning signs to my gambling addiction. So now I need to put in place measures and activities to replace this behaviour.

I know it will be along road but today I am feeling more hopeful then yesterday.

It has been 8 days!

I also
Springhope17
Member
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:01 am

All the very best with deploying your strategies. Looking promising and hopefully you'll enjoy the non gambling activities. Sounds like you have a pretty clear idea about triggers etc. I think that limiting cash access is a key limiting strategy - I carry a small amount of cash, no ATM card and a credit card that does not allow cash advance. When I stick to this I mostly don't even want to gamble (as I remain focused on my goal); when I have busted with minimal access to funds, the damage has obviously not been too bad. When I deviate from the limiting cash access strategy, that's when the bust can be disastrous and costly. So I am a strong advocate for limiting cash as a key enabling strategy. Enjoy the day and check in with progress.
DFP
Member
 
Posts: 94
Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2017 9:56 am

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Sun Sep 10, 2017 10:04 am

Hi Springhope17 ,

7 days is a great start.

Gambling is a tricky thing to beat, but you are showing that you have the persistence needed to conquer it. It's not easy to quit gambling, but there is plenty of support available. This forum is a supportive place.

I look forward to hearing about your progress.

Welcome to the forum
Jerry (facilitator)
Senior Member
 
Posts: 301
Joined: Thu Nov 26, 2015 12:02 pm

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 3:17 pm

Its been 10 days! YAY

I am still staying strong, remaining positive! I am proud of myself i'll quickly explain why! We stayed in the city, had dinner at a restaurant in the crown complex. My other half and a friend went into crown after dinner for an hour or so, I choose to go back to the hotel. I was happy and proud of my decision! I have spent the day in the city walking around went to Fitzroy gardens, botanical gardens, NGV and lots of window shopping. It has felt good! I feel alive again! Rather then a robot sitting for hours and hours in front of machines!

I am trying to start to normalise my life again and trying to find other interests to fill up my time!

I know I have a huge road ahead of me to fight this addiction! As well as the financial implications that this disgusting habit has cost me. Honestly its going to take me years to pay off all the loans and credit cards that I have taken to feed this addition over the past few years! But I need to keep looking forward! I cant let this addiction take anymore from my life.

Day 10 of the rest of my life im feeling hopeful !
Springhope17
Member
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby DFP » Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:11 pm

Congratulations! That's a great milestone. Making better choice and staying strong. You should feel proud. Keep going, one day at a time!
DFP
Member
 
Posts: 94
Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2017 9:56 am

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Dependz » Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:02 pm

Awesome Stuff! Doing well, will follow along with your story, best wishes to you on your journey :)
Dependz
Junior Member
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:00 pm

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Ceejay » Tue Sep 12, 2017 7:59 am

It sounds like the person who is really you is waking up again, Springhope. I hope the world is a brighter, better place for you today.
Ceejay
Junior Member
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: 100 day challenge.. What feels like my last hope

Postby Springhope17 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:48 pm

Today is day 11.

I dont feeling as good as I have the past few days. I am feeling down and anxious. I am stressing about money, about bills and then I think how could I have been so stupid to let things get so bad. Then i start worrying what if my family, friends or work find out about my addiction. There is no way they could possible understand, hell i dont even understand.

Why was I so stupid, why didn't i stop sooner, surely I could see the damage it was doing to my life. In all honesty I could see that it was destroying my life but I couldnt seem to stop! It was like I was a robot going time after time after time chasing my losses! Every time I walked out with no money in my account, having lost everything -feeling completely worthless. The anger and frustration I have felt and still not feel within myself is the most horrible feelings. I feel worthless like there is no hope and there is no escape.

Writing how i feel down actually makes me a little better. I spend hours reading posts on the forums seeing how many people are having similar struggles and feelings. I find it useful and it makes me feel like I am not completely alone in this world.

In the past when I have had feelings like this I would take what ever money i have and go and gamble in the hopes of winning enough just to cover this weeks bills! I felt like it was my only option that there was no other way of paying these bills.

Instead this time I have made sure i have no access to cash and I have logged on to this forum instead!

Has anyone read or watched any programs that have helped them? Books or articles on gambling? Or on regaining happiness or a life in general?
Springhope17
Member
 
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:16 pm

Next

Return to Take the 100 Day Challenge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests