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Self Sabotage

The 100 Day Challenge is a program where you set your goals - reduce your gambling or stop gambling altogether, it's up to you. Log onto the 100 Day Challenge website to follow the real stories of four Australians trying to give up gambling for inspiration and get the tools and support you need to find the real you. Click here to sign up, and post about your own challenge here on the Gambling Help Online Community Forum!


Re: Self Sabotage

Postby Shirley (facilitator) » Sat Jul 29, 2017 4:58 pm

Hey there, just wanted to let you know that online counselling can be somewhat impersonal and is really classified as one off single session counselling. In contrast, Gamblers Help counsellors ( either face to face or telephone) are trained to offer you a 6+ session counselling program to provide insight, tools and strategies to manage urges and understand your triggers. You can try GA by all means but please do not discount counselling due to one experience. :)
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby Desperate » Sun Jul 30, 2017 3:06 pm

Well I watched the Ka Ching Nation and for some bizarre reason it drove me back to the pokies. Whether I wanted to prove to myself that I was not one of those people or what I do not know. All I know is that I had the worst session I have ever had and now I am totally in the sh**!!

I have cut up my credit card and my debit card this morning. I am not going to anymore meetings as that made me feel worse. I am not using an online counsellor for the same reason. I have to slay this devil on my back and I will use this diary here as my way to do it.

I have tried counselling before and that didn't seem to help either. I thought maybe I am beyond help and all is doomed but I'm digging deep and refusing to surrender. There might not be much of a life left but while there is life, there is hope.

I don't know this person inhabiting my body, I don't want to know this person anymore. I am NOT going to continue to let her live in me!!!
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby pamela » Sun Jul 30, 2017 5:44 pm

Hey Desperate..dovwhatever you can to say no to gambling..be strong and determined and you can beat this demon.it isnt easy but the hard slog is worth it
Pam
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby jimi68 » Mon Jul 31, 2017 9:16 am

hey desperate...
Ive never been to a GA meeting, so I don't know what its like.
maybe YOU ARE LIKE ME and you don't feel the need to openly discuss with a group of strangers your personal life
as you don't know or trust them.
I probably wouldnt go to a GA meeting.
anyway you said that the meeting "'made you feel worse"'
I hope you are able to find what makes you feel better about stopping gambling.
Last edited by jimi68 on Mon Jul 31, 2017 2:42 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby jimi68 » Mon Jul 31, 2017 10:18 am

A big help for me was deciding
I CANNOT EVEN GO INSIDE A VENUE .
You cut up the cards,............. Maybe cut up the venue by self exclusion.
BAN yourself from venue (have you tried that?)
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Mon Jul 31, 2017 2:49 pm

Hi desperate,

If you tried counselling and it didn't work it does not mean that counselling does not work for you. It means that you did no fit with THAT COUNSELOR. I myself went through about 5 counselors before I found one that could help me with my problem.

They are free, so if you can find one that is even slightly helpful it is worth a go.

But there are many paths to overcoming gambling, find your own.


I think that one type of strategy you have not talked about are the positive strategies. Most people here talk about how to stop doing things. Stop gambling, stop going into venues, stop bringing money etc.

Its the positive strategies that i find most helpful. Rather than Stopping things, focus on what you want to start doing with your time. Replace gambling with a new hobby.

If you couldn't gamble at all, lets say gambling was suddenly banned in all of Australia, then what would you be doing with your time? Sitting at home watching t.v? or would you find another way to entertain yourself? would you take up swing dancing, karate or the banjo? Would you become an avid bush-walker, fisherman or artist?

It is these sorts of behaviors that I think are the path to overcoming gambling.

Don't try to stop gambling.

Try to start living a rich meaningful life.
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby jimi68 » Wed Aug 02, 2017 11:11 am

I agree with jerry there...
Try another councellor.......

For ANY PERSON I wonder what possible reasons does councelling not work?
could it be.........
1.The councellor is not very good..
2. You only went once or twice (not long enough to build trust/relationship or a history of experiences)
3. you expect a magic cure...
4.they were good but you didn't stay long enough to get understanding about YOUR GAMBLING BEHAVIOR.
4.you have a defeatist, pessimistic,,negative, attitude and don't listen to other people........or....
5.you are older and set in your ways never having to rely on others and prefer doing things yourself.
6.you sense councelling will help but you scared it will take gambling away if you commit to it.
(even though you hate it you WANT to gamble and nothing is gonna stop you)
7. even though you liked the councilor sessions and you could sense their value you would immediately go
straight to the venue and play(secretly) and then lie to vour councillor on your next visit (SELF SABOTAGE).
you weren't honest.( I did that a few times)
7.Maybe the past councelling DID HELP while you did it................
but when you stopped going you found yourself gambling again months later so you view the whole picture as having failed
(in fact the councelling didn't fail, YOU DID!)
8. you suffer depression and theres no help that inspires you (you don't feel/believe)
9. you lack confidence in winning over gambling so cannot believe you will succeed
because you don't believe....... you expect to fail.
10. you had too much on your mind and couldn't concentrate.
11. your councellor failed to give you the tools and strategies you needed to address gambling.
12.the councellor didn't have a personality or way of talking that you could relate and feel comfortable with.
13. you went to councelling in the past because YOU WERE TOLD TO, you didn't want to go and gave them minimal information
with no help and closed answers to their questions because you didn't want to be there.

I'm just trying to make the point that there can be so many things going on in our head and
the short phrase "'It just doesn't work"" can be a bit of an oversimplification
Sometimes we ourselves are not even aware of why we do/think certain things.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We have to live with the BIG PICTURE consequenses of gambling in our hearts and minds..
sometimes for years...
but that's only the EFFECT of having gambled .
We could fix it all and have no problems but still have a GAMBLING problem.

To slay the demon of gambling is about dealing/responding to the urge you get today, tomorrow, next week.......
For example.....
If someone gave you $50 dollars when you had no money to buy food.
Would you at the present time go and gamble that money?
(there was a time that I would!! )
Your big picture (life story) is the way it is because of hundreds/thousands of little decisions day in and day out that all added up over time to produce todays result.
you didn't lose all that money in ONE DAY did you?

DEFINE YOUR PROBLEM AS THUS-
gambling isn't the problem.
the venue isn't the problem.
losing money isn't the problem
my past sins isn't the problem
The councilor not working isn't the problem
my current situation isn't the problem
the feeling of being doomed isn't the problem....

The problem is "'THAT WHEN I GET THE URGE I AM POWERLESS TO RESIST""
figure what to do with that one and youre getting somewhere!!!!!!!!

Next time you get the urge WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
Thats all you have to do
one day at a time.

and in the future you may not have money,or a house or be able to buy things you want but.......
Imagine you can say to yourself 5 years from now...

ITS BEEN 5 YEARS AND I HAVNT GAMBLED
If you really want that
it starts with the small act of resisting that next urge.
NOW.......... TODAY.........!!!
maybe even the one your HAVING RIGHT NOW WHILE READING THIS POST!!!!!!!!!! :)
Last edited by jimi68 on Fri Aug 04, 2017 8:30 am, edited 15 times in total.
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby Shirley (facilitator) » Wed Aug 02, 2017 1:38 pm

Hi self sabotage, I am inclined to agree with jerry and others who have supported the idea of returning to counselling. As someone wise once said to me, 'we cannot see the instructions when we are stuck inside the jar'. For whatever reason, it sounds like you are being triggered by the sights and sounds of pokies and even others discussing gambling in meetings. Understanding all your triggers is the first step in taking back some control. The next step is to explore the way you are relating to your thoughts and emotions, and thus develop some tools to learn more helpful responses. As your forum name suggests, it sounds like you are framing these lapses as self sabotage. That belief in itself may be unhelpful because firstly, even one gets triggered when they are in the gambling cycle, and second we often tend to get triggered when we feel overwhelmed emotionally. All those feelings of self loathing, guilt and shame ironically drive us straight back to the venue when they are left unchecked. This is because we don't enjoy sitting with those feelings and we know gambling is a great avoidance act. Where support through counselling can really help is to arm you with insight about your gambling process and give you the tools to shift these old habits / thoughts / reactions so you are making conscious choices about how you respond. The old automatic reaction is not concrete, it is just one way of responding. Would you consider learning another? What have you go to lose?

Shirley
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby jimi68 » Wed Aug 02, 2017 6:10 pm

hey desperate..
I just read through the post that I did earlier today and I realized that it could come across as more aggressive than I intended. :(
I really don't want to offend you
I myself am guilty of all the silly behaviors as well...
Its just I'm worried that you are limiting yourself....
The bigges advantage I believe of councelling is you have an opportunity for your thinking to be challenged when it may be working against you
and also you can set short term goals and get feedback on them.
That's two things that are very hard to do on your own
and if councelling (TRUELY) doesn't work for you..
hope you find what does.
and if you don't.
then maybe take a leap of faith and give it one more try.
so good luck with however you choose to combat this issue.
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Re: Self Sabotage

Postby Desperate » Sat Aug 05, 2017 7:47 am

It's been 6 days - 6 wonderful days - of not going near a venue. It helps that I have started a new job and there is so much to learn that I am going in early every day and coming home exhausted. The last thing on my mind is going anywhere. Now it is the weekend and I have a lot of things that need doing but I know this is my danger time, especially because I have to do some grocery shopping and go to the hairdresser which is across the road from a venue.

I am extremely grateful to have found this job after being made redundant from my last one. My income has reduced by $15K so I certainly have ZERO money to spend on pokies - I am struggling just to meet my rent due to the debts I have built up due to the gambling so it's going to be a tough road but one I have brought upon myself.

I was thinking of trying to consolidate my debts into one loan but then realised that my statements would show my erratic withdrawal of money from ATMs late at night or in the very early hours of the morning - THE SHAME THAT CAME OVER ME!!! How embarrassing!!! So, no one is going to lend me money when they see that so it's just a matter of slog on and try my best. Get 6 - 12 months under my belt of responsible account activity and I might have a chance. To do that, zero money can go to the pokies.

It was a very sad day when they introduced pokies to Victoria is all I can say :(
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