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Please give me help and advice

Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns and get some helpful tips.

Please give me help and advice

Postby Sophiepalmz » Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:04 pm

Hey there this is my first time posting - I have been with my boyfriend nearly 10 months now and although I always new he would jump at any chance to go on the pokies (when we would go for dinner at the pub etc) but only recently have I found out that he's doing it behind my back which is what made me realise he actually has a problem as he's honest with me about everything.
He is terrible with his spending and will also gamble online. I have deleted the gambling apps off his phone and said I never want to see them on your phone again and I've also said if I ever find out he's gone behind my back again I will leave, he promises me he will stop but I'm having a hard time believing it... how will I ever be able to trust him when I know he's got a problem with it?? How do I help him with this problem? Do I take control or do I just give him advise and hope that he listens?? He wants to have a family and future together yet can't show me that he's able to save money? He earns 1600 + a fortnight and still unable to save any of it, he lives paycheck to payckeck and sometimes can spend all of it within a week and have to borrow money, he's always behind on his car finance payments as well.... I just don't know what else to do I don't think I have it in me to stick by someone with such a detrimental problem, I've been through enough :( someone please just talk to me....
Sophiepalmz
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Re: Please give me help and advice

Postby Mona58 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:23 pm

that is an awful situation to have to go through Sophie. . hang on here and someone will answer you SOON... l am a gambler and I cannot advice . .. except to say sometimes it takes a bit of wait or ring the online gambling line ... they also have email .. but they have very few staff and that also takes bit of wait...
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Re: Please give me help and advice

Postby Sophiepalmz » Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:25 pm

Thanks so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. I'd appreciate any advice anyone can give me xxxx

Mona58 wrote:that is an awful situation to have to go through Sophie. . hang on here and someone will answer you SOON... l am a gambler and I cannot advice . .. except to say sometimes it takes a bit of wait or ring the online gambling line ... they also have email .. but they have very few staff and that also takes bit of wait...
Sophiepalmz
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Re: Please give me help and advice

Postby Mona58 » Tue Oct 24, 2017 3:03 pm

I remember a long long time ago ... when I had troubles in my relationship... someone told me. "You have to decide whether to follow your heart or think with your head " ... That is probably an advice I would give my daughter if she were in your situation. Please take care..
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Re: Please give me help and advice

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Thu Oct 26, 2017 4:33 pm

Hi Sophiepalmz,

It's sounds like you love a gambler. That can be trouble, but sometimes it can also work out well.

You asked how to help him. So in my experience (as a Psychologist with 10 years experience working with addictions), I find that people tend to change their gambling habits when the consequences of gambling outweigh the benefits. The trouble is that as gambling is designed to be as addictive as possible the consequences tend to need to be rather large before people take notice.

Gambling provides its own consequences. For example, if he spends all his money and falls behind on his car payments then the bank will reposes his car. CONSEQUENCE.

What is often easier for gamblers is to find people to rescue them from the consequences. If he spends all his money and falls behind on the car payments but someone lends him the money to catch up. NO CONSEQUENCE.

Gamblers tend to collect people that help them with their finances and other downsides of gambling. This tends to cost those people instead of him. So they take the consequences, they pay more rent, buy more food, lend money that is never returned etc etc etc.... Hence the people around the gambler contact gambling services (as they are the ones experiencing the consequences of gambling).


So what you can do is help him to experience any consequences he bring on himself due to gambling. Discourage his friends and family from lending him money, providing free food, helping with bills etc.

It might also be worth it to let him know that his gambling makes you hesitant to stay in a relationship with him.

That's all you can really do. Let him know you are concerned, give him the gamblers help number (1800 858 858) and then it is up to him.

If he changes good.

If he doesn't change then you need to think about how long you will stick by him. I have spoken to many many people that have stuck by gamblers through several decades of gambling.

Perhaps it is his girlfriend leaving him that will be the consequence that makes him realize he has a problem.

But hopefully it won't come to that and he will give the help line a call.
Jerry (facilitator)
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Re: Please give me help and advice

Postby Jeddie » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:14 pm

I wonder how you are going Sophiepalmz? That was great advice given to you by Jerry? Has your partner acted on any of the suggestions of help. Let us know how you are both going. Look after yourself and don’t let his problems bring you down


64 days GF
You have to quit and stay quit (pinched from DFP)
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