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Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

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Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Wed Jun 13, 2018 4:08 am

I've been on a merry go round, can't count how many times I've had to start again to day 1. Yesterday I was on my way to feeling great, went out to shops, had to go bathroom/toilet & went to the venue to use their loo. Just being in the venue was such a temptation to play the pokies & I fell for it & got defeated once again. Looks like I will have to find another bathroom if I'm out & about and need to go, I can not risk stepping one foot in that door way. Sick of it & fighting to be free!

Suzy
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby Mona58 » Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:56 am

Hi Suzy,

.. keep telling yourself it is a waste of money and time Most of all a waste of LIFE! You can't win on the Pokies...

keep Fighting.... don't give in to the urges

Mona
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby flipper (facilitator) » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:39 pm

Hi Suz-free,

The fact that you continue to fight for yourself and this freedom from gambling is a testament to you, and each time you start again you are moving further away from this vicious cycle. Being in a venue, or put simply having access to gambling, is a trigger for many people because it can become such an impulsive act that is hard to control in the moment. It may be that finding another bathroom is what you need to do moving forward, but now you know a little bit more about what works for you and what doesn't.

Keep working towards your goals!

Flipper
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Wed Jun 13, 2018 8:52 pm

Thank you flipper. Well, this is so embarrassing but I had another repeat today at a different venue! So yes, definitely time to find a new bathroom. It seems that which ever venue I step in, they are bad news. I actually am now hating these places so much. They have robbed me completely & stolen my mind lately. So time to listen to my heart. After many tears tonight & feeling the worst, I'm also positive that I'm ready. Perhaps I needed the repeat to confirm that I'm so done with them. They can stick it, the venues & the machines! No more manipulation or temptation to go. Day 1 starts again...
Last edited by suz-free on Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby buttercup (facilitator) » Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:29 am

suz-free wrote:Thank you flipper. Well, this is so embarrassing but I had another repeat today at a different venue! So yes, definitely time to find a new bathroom. It seems that which ever venue I step in, they are bad news. I actually am now hating these places so much. They have robbed me completely & stolen my mind lately. So time to listen to my heart. After many tears tonight & feeling the worst, I'm also positive that I'm ready. Once again I'm so embarrassed of how I went there again, but perhaps I needed the repeat to confirm that I'm so done with them. They can stick it, the venues & the machines! No more manipulation or temptation to go. Day 1 starts again...


Hi there Suz Free;
Bring on day one!!, no matter how many times you fall into gambling, everyday is a new day and a new fight to be fought. Garner your strength and keep fighting, it gets easier, making a plan is also super useful. So for example planning ahead and identifying where the nearest toilets are when you first go shopping will be useful when you have to go so that you can choose a safer option for yourself rather than use a gambling venue. Still, keep your focus, it sounds like you are insightful and committed to breaking free one day you will realize that you are no longer vulnerable to the pokies and are able to go to the venues and not gamble. But until then, safety first :).
Buttercup
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby Mona58 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:44 am

You CAN do this Suzy! Keep fighting!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Fri Jun 15, 2018 9:42 pm

Thank you Buttercup & Mona. My determination is higher than ever to beat it. Day 2 has ended, with only 10 in my bank it was quite easy to stay home anyway. Monday will be the real test. I'm trying to not take pay day loans out due to gambling them but I took one tonight for Monday. I've told myself the loan is strictly for some things I need to pay off & my emergencies next week of food. I have no desire to gamble it. Should an urge try to hit me next week when I'm out, I've got some plans to tackle it. I will not step foot in the venues, go to shop toilet if I need to go. I will talk myself out of gambling & remind myself that I'm not losing anymore than what I already had lost in past.
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:46 pm

Day 5 has almost ended. All is good, put my loan to good use & did not gamble it. A quick urge did cross my mind while out today at shops but I ignored the urge as told myself, I can't lose this loan, not going there, that worked. Just got to keep reminding myself of all those terrible losses & that it's best to stay away from those bad places of misery.
suz-free
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Location: Tasmania

Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby suz-free » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:47 pm

Day 6. Having coffee right now in Hobart town. Thinking of all of us here at GH. Some have got it so tough right now, some are at the beginning of their journey, others in the middle, & others at the end & overcome this battle. For me, I'm at the beginning so I still have a long road ahead but staying positive. I can do this :)
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Re: Day 1, Fighting for my freedom

Postby Catherine1 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 8:17 pm

Suzy. I am also sick of this merry go round. Unfortunately over quite a few years I continually get on and get off the merry go round but I am completely fed up with it. I need to completely get off this merry go round for good. Lets do this together. I am back at Day 2 since falling of the wagon on Sunday. I am so annoyed and disappointed with myself. I unfortunately play this day over and over in my head. I have to realise I wont be getting my money back so I need to forget about it and move on. All the best with your challenge.
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