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Day One - Again

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Day One - Again

Postby Catherine1 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 9:32 am

After 13 weeks gamble free, I managed to stuff up last night. I didn't want to post this, as I know I have let myself down and am very disappointed I gave in to my urges. In the last week, some good and a lot of bad things have happened. The good thing that happened is that I finally got my near new car, that I had saved money from (not gambling). I feel like a hypocrite when I write this now. The bad things that have happened: My husband's uncle passed away unexpectedly, my work colleague and good friend had her breast removed last week and is now starting chemo in a few weeks, someone resigned on the spot at work, so I had to process a once off pay in our new pay system (major stress out), my brother finds out today the sentence handed down to a man that shot his friend dead a couple of years ago (this has been adjourned a few times, so hopefully we will have a result today). My brother was a witness to the shooting. I am very close to my brother, so this has affected him a lot and in turn affected me as well.
I stayed up late last night and watched shows on tv, as I couldn't sleep. I am so annoyed with myself for gambling. And to add to this, the knife slipped when I was getting the seed out of an avocado on the weekend, so I ended up with a stab wound in my finger. Ouch. So, back to Day 1 from today.

Sorry Pam, I feel I have let you down. You are my inspiration, and I blew it last night.
Catherine1
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Re: Day One - Again

Postby reebee » Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:13 pm

Catherine you have been doing so well and what you've done is not all lost through one slip. Think of it as a bump on the road - get up, dust yourself off and keep going. Do you stop your car, turn around and drive back to the beginning of your trip when you hit a pothole? No you don't! You keep going. It's the same with recovery from gambling. It is a journey and you are going to hit the occasional bump or pothole, but with each time that you do, use it as a means of preparing for the next time that similar kinds of triggers occur. Plan for next time. How would you have changed the outcome of what just happened? How would you have dealt with it differently?

Self flagellation serves no purpose. It only makes you think more poorly of yourself!

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life Catherine. Is there someone you could meet with and chat to, just to debrief and vent? Do you think you might benefit from a counsellor F2F?

I can so relate to what you posted and what happened. I know exactly how you must be feeling! I've been there SO many times myself in the past. I'm at Day 15 after having a total blowout over a period of a few months. For me it wasnt just a little slip or hiccup, so I felt i really needed to go back to day 1 and get real again. This time i think im motivated more than ever before because of the absolute carnage ive caused to my finances. One thing i know is that i havent gambled today and that makes me feel like ive had a little success.

All the best Catherine and feel better soon :)
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Re: Day One - Again

Postby pamela » Wed Aug 09, 2017 11:32 pm

Catherine dont apologise..you had a lot going on..you just have to learn to be able to cope with all the crap that gets thrown our way..and lets face it you are dealing with enough without adding the stress gambling brings..be mindful of your actions and take the time to consider your actions if you think you want to play again
Pam
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Re: Day One - Again

Postby Jerry (facilitator) » Thu Aug 10, 2017 10:39 am

Hi Catherine,

You have done fantastic. You should reward yourself for being 13 weeks gambling free rather than punishing yourself for having a lapse.

Lapses happen, it's what we do about them that counts.

As Reebee said Self flagellation serves no purpose. What does serve a purpose is to look at the situation that lead to the lapse and to come up with a different strategy for how to tackle that if it ever comes up again.

It sounds like you had heaps and heaps of stress from multiple different sources and reached to gambling to try to help you cope. If similar levels of stress turn up in the future, what are some different strategies that you might use that will help you cope at the time?
Jerry (facilitator)
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Re: Day One - Again

Postby Catherine1 » Sun Aug 13, 2017 6:56 pm

Day 5 today. Travelling ok after my hiccup on Tuesday night. I have been a busy little beaver. This weekend I cooked 2 x lemon/lime tarts, raspberry coconut slice, beef lasagne and banana, honey and ginger scones. Defrosted and sorted my freezer. Pruned my mums roses and took cuttings to the transfer station. Washed my car. Took the dog for a walk yesterday and today. Cleaned and sorted my linen cupboard and finally vacuum cleaned my carpet. Back on track now.
Catherine1
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Re: Day One - Again

Postby pamela » Sun Aug 13, 2017 9:48 pm

Good job Catherine..put Tuesday behind you and march forward
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Re: Day One - Again

Postby Catherine1 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:39 am

Day 10 today. No thoughts of gambling this week. Things have settled down compared to last week. The court case my brother was involved with is now over. The accused has got 23 years in jail, so that's a relief that is all over. My work colleague had her operation last week and it went well. She starts chemo in 5 weeks and then radiation. Some good news from this is it is contained in the one area and has not spread, so it looks like after her treatment everything should be ok. I have a 4 day long weekend. Taking the days I am owed after working extra time with the new pay system. I have already planned my weekend, so I am busy as I don't want to think about gambling. All the best for everyone else.
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