Documenting my self help journey - any support and kind words welcome!

[Minidough]

My gambling back story is that I have been online gambling since I was probably around 18/19 casually, introduced by friends and of course it was just for fun at the start as it always is. I did so for about 3-4 years and only gambled on major sporting events usually and never went past $100 bets and would stop and never chase as I was quite risk adverse. I am now 25 so it’s been quite a number of years and the 2022 world cup was a few months ago and it triggered my gambling habits again, except this was the first time I had access to a lot more cash. I have been working and had saved up around 55k, I have other investments in stocks and crypto and what not, but 55k liquidity I had saved up and was easily accessible. So the world cup rolled around and I found myself betting on almost every single game and luckily (or maybe unluckily) for me I was decently profitable after the event had ended which then I proceeded to start betting on other sports again and even horses and dogs eventually. I went on a few downward spirals where I started with a $50 bet and ended up chasing with much larger amounts to make up for the losses, with my biggest chase being a $4500 bet on a dog that won in December. I told myself I would never put myself in that position again as the feeling I had was so sickening. However the last two months I found myself repeating the same patterns a few times where I would start with a small bet and it losing and I would chase and chase with larger amounts until I was at least break even. Fast forward to two days ago (February 6th 2023), I had a $200 sports bet on that lost and I had stayed up to watch it until 5am. I was so upset that I ended up chasing as I always did and it turned into a $5000 chase bet on a UK dog race that lost, resulting in a total loss of $11000, I almost deposited a disgusting amount to chase that loss but somehow I was able to stop myself, mind you this was at 6:30am in the morning and I had not slept, I stopped myself and banned myself from my two most used bookies so I wouldn’t be able to deposit anymore. So I am now here trying to accept and process the loss and truly never put myself in that position again and would love to be gamble free for the rest of my life, or realistically, at least for the foreseeable future, sorry for the long story but I thought it be nice for myself to read this in the future when I am hopefully still gamble free, I have read many stories on this forum which have helped me throughout this 48 hours and I really wish to become a better person and overcome this adversity, because I know I am better than this. Thanks a lot if you made it this far :) It’s still fresh and the loss hurts a lot but I really hope I can take this as an expensive lesson to never involve myself in gambling again. I do not wish for a future with it and hope to help other young people with developing gambling issues. Please leave any feedback, comments or anything and I will be happy to respond.

This is Day 2.

[Pikachu]

Hi @Minidough,
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
It is inspiring to read through your post. I can hear a lot of commitment in your words.
It is amazing how you can stay calm and think about what happened and what you learned from that. I like where you said you "take this as an expensive lesson". We all make mistakes or wrong decisions in our life. The important thing is for us to learn from the mistakes.
Always remember how hopeful you are feeling now and the good wishes you have for your future when things become a little tough or the urges become too strong in the journey. Remember, one day at a time!

[Minidough]

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words @Pikachu
Luckily for me I have extremely supportive parents and I felt comfortable enough to tell them what had happened, obviously their reaction initially was quite shocked but once I had told them I had made the initiative of blocking my bank cards and self excluding they said they could see me acting on my awareness of the issue. I have now actually sent them all my savings so that I can not even be tempted as I won’t have immediate access to any large amounts of cash that’s easily able to deposit or withdrawal. Although I can feel that I have put into place some secure ways of stopping myself, the pain of the loss still lingers fresh and strong and I go about my day seeing prices on things and thinking how many I could’ve bought with the amount I had lost. Still trying to think that it was inevitable and I am lucky it didn’t happen in a later part of my life where I had less self control and support from others where I could have lost a whole lot more. But still thinking that the new two months I will be working to earn back what I lost in least than 30 minutes is something painful I will have to go through and live with. One day at a time though I guess.

[Rosenbop]

Good on you for transferring your savings to a safe place. I’m also 25 and started pokies a year ago, due to isolation of being in a new place with no car. I have probably gambled since then over $20000 dollars, and have relapsed again today, $1000 gone in a couple of hours.
It’s such a painful thing, and I have put myself in such a bad position.
Good on you for identifying the issue though, that’s the first step many people don’t even want to admit they have a problem. Of course, we all wish we never started but can only look forward.

Good luck

[Minidough]

Hi just came back to check in, marking 30 days gamble free, it’s been a rough month mentally but I am trying my hardest to stay positive and get through these negative emotions while still actively avoiding gambling, I want to book a holiday later this year but can’t stop thinking I could’ve easily used the money I lost and tell myself I don’t deserve to travel because of the money that I gambled away. I have had slight thoughts of chasing that money but the urge was not strong enough to act upon it and also since I transferred the money away from my active accounts I don’t have the option anyway which was good for me. Hopefully I can check in next month with a better mental attitude. Hope everyone is doing well too.

[Pikachu]

Hi @Minidough
Thank you for updating us on where you are at. Congratulations on the big achievement! You are going a great job on managing the urges.
The thoughts you mentioned are normal, it's okay to have those thoughts but the action is the important part. Good on you on having those action in place to help you managed the urges.
It might be hard thinking about the money you lost, that's the price of the lesson you learn in life. And now you know the cost, so you can turn that into motivations to help you move on and not make the same decision again! You deserve a nice trip for your achievement! Perhaps setting a goal for yourself, such as save how much amount untill [a date/month] and you can treat yourself a nice trip?
Keep us updated~