Not heeding my own advice

[Kevcollingwood]

Pi55ed off is how I feel, devastated, I can’t believe I would just walk in the casino with money in my pocket and think I could look around, nearly a full year, just had the rest of the month to go.

Back to day 1, I feel gutted!, all my life I have ruined Christmas, won’t happen this year though, wrong, spend the money instead of Christmas shopping, it’s so surreal.

I have posted “don’t tempt yourself” anyway, what can I do? One day at a time, I HATE GAMBLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gzy3]

Hi @Kevcollingwood , I am sorry to hear you gambled back at Casino lately.
But I can hear you are determined to make this just one-off, not going back again.
Yes let's focus on one at a time right now - we cannot take it back but you can control today, tomorrow and the future.
Remember you was doing well which shows your strengths. We are here to support you!

[Kevcollingwood]

@gzy3 thanks, I was bitterly disappointed in myself, can’t undo what is done, only move forward, and learn from MY mistakes, back on the bus to day 2.
Dear all, never be complacent when it comes to gambling, we came here for a reason and have just been reminded WHY, if you know the why the how is easy.

[Lookin4Help]

Hi Kev.

I’m sorry you relapsed, I too relapsed just yesterday, so I can definitely empathise with how you are feeling at the moment…. Almost 12 months of not gambling, down the drain.

The thing that hits me about your last comment is the word “complacent”. I also became complacent and thought that I was “in control”, I was wrong.

I’m proud of you for coming back, I’m proud of you for starting again.

One day at a time my friend.

[Printemps]

hey @Kevcollingwood I'm sorry to hear about the lapse, I can really hear the frustration there, but as @gzy3 it sounds like you're back on track to keep it as a one of thing. You've done really well getting to nearly a year, and while I know it's easier to focus on our slip ups than our successes, focussing on how far you've come and what you've learnt from this will be the best thing for you.

Your such a great supportive voice for everyone here in the forum, we're all here along side you!

[Printemps]

@Kevcollingwood how have you been travelling?

[Kevcollingwood]

Hi @Printemps, trying my hardest not to give into temptation, it is hard with spare time during Christmas and new year period while not at work, speaking of new year that is my motivation every year, lose weight, not gamble or drink. The drinking I have tamed into my 11th year, I wish I could say that about gambling, one day at a time. Have yourself a lovely new year and keep the good work up.

[Wenna (facilitator)]

Hi @Kevcollingwood ,

"Taking things one day at a time" some profound words. It applies to a lot of things. Thanks I am taking that on board myself

Cheers
Wenna
Moderator

[JinxyWolf]

Hi @Kevcollingwood and @Lookin4Help

Sorry to hear about your lapses but so glad you have returned to face what happened.

I too have lapsed in the past only I didn't keep looking for help. 18 months I had gamble free but instead of getting back on the wagon I gave up, I buried my head in the sand and just kept going through the motions and continued my downward spiral for another 5 years. Until I reached my bottom and enough was enough. I could no longer deny the truth, I had a gambling problem. But thanks to the wonderful people of the forum I have been gamble free now for nearly 5 years.

So you see a lapse is not failure, it is just another step along the road. To know that you have stumbled, and still being able to pick yourself up and try again shows real courage and strength. Just remember that even though you lapsed, the last 12 months of being gamble free have not disappeared and you are not back at square one. You should be proud of that time and the progress you made. The skills you learnt during that time will help you move forward.

I wish you all the best on your continuing journey.

This is a quote I think of often when things get tough "You Only Truly Fail When You Stop Trying" (not sure who said it )

JinxyWolf

[Kevcollingwood]

@JinxyWolf , Albert Einstein said “you never fail until you stop trying” thanks for the reply, wow nearly 5 years, that is really good, the thing that hurts is the BS that I tell myself! When you get in front I will walk straight out, in the back of my mind I knew I could never and have never walked out. I must keep the feeling of what happened at front of mind, after time I get complacent, I keep having the thought that it (luck) owes me a really big one, I was not born to be a gambler, I would have to be the worst ever to try.