i never learn my lesson

[Donna78]

basically just here to vent.
i'm feeling very low about myself today. since covid hit i have gone through thousands l. I have paid all my bills but left nothing for anything else and have 4000 debt in my partners name which i feel terrible about. He tries to be supportive but doesn't really understand my addiction & will lend me money to gamble if i have a strong urge. He is too soft with me. i feel sick in the stomach. last night i won 1300 then put it straight back through and walked out 800 down. i had 600 left in my account and it took everything within me to not put that in and walk out. I'm so so ashamed of myself. i really hope next year is better as my gambling has really reached a point where i'm totally out of control. I just never learn my lesson. Does anyone journal there feelings here? when is the best time of the day to do it. I really don't know why i gamble over and over & thought this might help me.

[deb2]

Hi,I can feel your pain,times i have won and then lost the money back plus more.Addiction is a nasty thing,not like giving up chocolate or smoking.I sit alone at home and want so bad just to go down the pub and play the pokies.Urging me on like a demon on my shoulder is all the excuses i can come up with.I had a strict rule not to play in my home town, travelling 50kms once a week to venues that became welcoming with the same people always saying hello.Covid made that impossible so i started going down the local pubs .Never felt right but couldn't help myself. Shame and self disgust follow me around.

[Printemps]

hey @deb2 it sounds like you've been having a really rough time. Those feelings of same and disgust are feelings I'm sure others in the forum would recognise, it takes a lot of strength to open up and talk about them, so good on you.

I was just wondering, do you have any techniques to support you when those urges hit? It sounds like your decision not to bet in town helped you keep it down to once a week, but that's been harder recently with covid.

[Helen666]

Hi there,
I understand exactly what you are saying. I win, but put it all back in. I’m so angry with myself and I feel very ashamed of not being able to control myself. I’m starting to give money to my sister to look after cause if it’s not there I won’t be able to spend it. It’s an addictive thing. How are you going lately?? Hugs. Helen.

[User 6193b85d56173]

its called a gambling hangover you feel bad what you did and lost, its the best time too do something about it like self exclusion , set up a way to go cashless, call the bank and tell them your problem, ask for a lower cash withdrawal limit keycard...etc