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  • Day 1 after a massive relapse

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    yep123
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 4:43 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Mon May 17, 2021 12:56 pm

    Hi @Lovely Cat Lady ,


    It is like a roller coaster being on this journey, one minute i feel like i am strong enough to beat it, the next i crumble thinking i should just give up, i have no hope. The only way i can get through this is making time for support and reaching out. A mistake i have done in the past, thinking i can do it myself. I know now, i cant! not right now.

    Today i am getting my hair done. After feeling a lot of guilt on why i deserve to get my hair done. i was beating myself up, thinking i should not, as i have wasted so much money 3 days ago. I even thought about going to the casino to try and get the money for my hair! I started a chat session which helped me realise self care is so important.
    0 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 617
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Mon May 17, 2021 1:08 pm

    It is a roller coaster, but you're doing great @yep123. So far you haven't given up, you've learned from the past and sought support and you're reaching out when you feel you need to, which is fantastic. You're not alone, you can always call the counsellors, contact them through the web chat or come and share in the forums how you're going, how're feeling, what you've reflected on...

    Oh, that's amazing! I hope you enjoy getting your hair done. Are you going for a normal trim or getting something else done?

    Sorry to hear you're having feelings of guilt, and I really hope you were able to have a chat about that with the counsellor. I'm glad you didn't try to get the money back from the casino and instead had that chat session. Sounds to me like there's more hope than you're giving yourself credit for. :);
    0 x
    yep123
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 4:43 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Tue May 18, 2021 8:16 am

    @Lovely Cat Lady ,

    Day 4, the disappointment and shame is still there, i go to sleep thinking what have i done and wake up thinking what i have done. It is such a horrible path to be on. But all i can do is keep ticking the days of and see if it gets any easier.

    I went over to a friends house last night, and he is a big gambling man, it was hard to hear him talk about all his winnings. He knows nothing about my past. He was so happy, and here i am faking a smile and hiding the fact i spent most of my savings and miserable.

    I hope it gets easier, i really really do!
    1 x
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 400
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Tue May 18, 2021 9:22 am

    hi @yep123 , it can be really hard to break out of those negative thought patterns, but as you said taking it one day at a time is the best approach. Over time it really does get easier to manage, and those thoughts will subside. Remember to be kind to yourself, fighting against the feeling of shame can be difficult, but giving yourself some kindness can go along way. What kinds of things do you do for selfcare?

    That sounds like an incredibly difficult time with your friend. I'm really proud of how you managed it though. Would you feel comfortable letting friends know your history and setting boundaries with them about discussing their own winnings with you?
    0 x
    Anita44
    Senior Member
    Posts: 377
    Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 9:30 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Tue May 18, 2021 12:03 pm

    Hi yep123 well done you make it day 3, yes you are right you not alone, when I'm bored I'm here to check out everyone forum so I don't feel I'm not the only one have problem with gamble and nice to share our thought n ideas. Take it's easy day by day will getting better after for sure .
    2 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 617
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Tue May 18, 2021 4:30 pm

    Hi @yep123,

    I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Sometimes we really are our worst judges and it's hard to break the negative thought patterns but its not impossible.

    I agree with @Printemps in that the one day at a time is the best approach. And as @Anita44 said, we're all here to support each other on this journey.

    I think the most important thing here is that you're giving yourself a chance, you're observing and reflecting on these thoughts, the positive and the negative, but not necessarily acting on them, which is already a really big step forward.

    I really hope it does gets easier for you day by day, and that one day you can look back and be proud of yourself for your accomplishments.

    Don't stop reaching out, we're here for you. :);
    0 x
    yep123
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 4:43 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Fri May 21, 2021 8:01 am

    hi @Lovely Cat Lady @Printemps @Anita44

    Day 7! I really hope i look back at this, and be proud how much i have overcome! Especially when the 100 days are up. It is still very early days, and i have a lot of work to do.
    In terms of how i am feeling right now, i still have those negative thoughts on " How could i be so silly" " All the hard work has gone" But i then think, there is nothing i can do about the past i just have to move forward and make sure it will never happen again. When i do get through this, i hope i will have much more resilience, with any other storms that come into my life.

    How are you going @Anita44 ?
    2 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 635
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Fri May 21, 2021 10:53 am

    Hi @yep123 . Sounds like you're in the middle of that Acceptance stage, which can be most difficult for some people, but i'm glad to hear you're able to divert your focus away from those regretful feelings. That is another strength you have gained! Keep pushing through you're doing well :)
    0 x
    yep123
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 4:43 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Fri May 21, 2021 11:07 am

    Hi @Calvin (facilitator) ,

    You’re right, I am definitely at the acceptance stage. Well I am trying to. Every hour of the day is different, one moment I am strong the next I can’t stop thinking about what I have done. I just have to think about the future and not the past, however that is so hard!
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 635
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Day 1 after a massive relapse

    Fri May 21, 2021 11:31 am

    Yes! @yep123 unfortunatly we can't change the past and our past decisions but you do have the power over the choices you make at the present time. There will be days where you may still feel disappointment or frustration associated with past choices and that's normal, but its how you look after yourself on those particular days. Make an effort to be kind to yourself especially when times feel tough. We can't expect ourselves to be positive all the time because that wouldn't be realistic, but when those days come where things feel a bit heavy, it can also be helpful to remind yourself of all that you have accomplished so far, why you stopped in the first place and the goals you would like to reach. One step and one day at a time :)
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