I can’t trust him

[Yelyah]

Hi all,

My bf is a recovering gambling addict. Pokies was his demon. We have recently had a beautiful baby girl. She’s 5 months old.

I knew it was going to be hard staying with him. I just couldn’t leave him. Our connection was too strong, I love the good parts of him too much. There is so much baggage in our relationship now. The trust is completely gone. We are working on getting it back but its seemingly impossible.

He got cash out at an atm at a pub where there are pokies last week. He swears that it was one of his workers but I just can’t believe him. Is it that the story doesn’t add up or that I just simply can’t trust him?

Gosh I’m so confused. And usually I would be thinking I will just leave but now that we have our baby girl I want to keep the family together. Have I made a huge mistake having a baby with him?

If this was a misunderstanding and he is innocent then I would feel really bad. I can only imagine how hard it would be for him constantly being accused. But I can’t help it. The damage is done. I’m triggered all of the time.

I don’t even know what the point is to this post. I’m in the depths of right now, feeling all of the feels. I’m so frustrated I feel like I could burst.

How do I possibly move on from this and be happy when I feel as though I’m being lied to? It goes against everything in my body.

[Pinacle2020]

I’m sorry to tell you this but regardless if it was him or his mate getting money out of the atm, I guarantee you there’s only one place it went to, gambling. Gambling addicts are very good at gaslighting and manipulation to the point you question what is right or wrong and lose confidence in your own feelings. I know this because I’m in a relationship with a gambling addict (my husband) and have been for 12 years and I could not count the amount of times I’ve been in the same situation as you. Most of the times I fell for my husbands story or gave him the benefit of the doubt because I loved him, despite the sinking feeling in my stomach. What I can tell you is that 12 years later his gambling has become so bad to the point he has no car, we do not live together, he does not see his children or pay anything towards them because he’d rather go gambling, we are almost broke and the only time he contacts me or his children is if he wants money. And to make it worse, part of me thinks it’s my fault because by turning a blind eye and letting him get away with his lies I have enabled him to keep going. If I knew then what I know I would have left years ago and not put myself or my children through it. It would be much easier for a child to separate when they are younger than when they are older (mine are now teens and refuse to speak to their father).

[Jimap]

Hi @Yelyah ..
The thing with trust is once it’s broken, it’s hard to get back if the person isn’t rebuilding it with actions. Mending trust takes alot of time. It takes more than words. You need to go with your gut feeling and I am guessing your gut feeling is that the money he got out off the atm was for gambling. Someone who has an addiction will say and do things that makes you question your own sanity and thoughts. This is addiction talking…
Don’t doubt yourself..you have every right to feel how you feel. Your focus must be your own recovery. I remember in my relationship I focused too much on my partners recovery more than what he did and stopped looking after my own happiness.
Now I stayed 15 years and I have had to take some responsibility for allowing myself to continue in an unhealthy toxic situation. This has been my recovery and regaining my happiness.
Whether you leave or go will be your choice..everyone has a limit. But your recovery is a must.
I would suggest looking at reaching out to maybe a recovery coach. Have a look at addiction makes three on Instagram. There is plenty of information online regarding ways to set boundaries and support rather than feeling like you are enabling the addiction.
I hope for you and your little one things get better soon..take care..

[YoungRon]

Hi @Yelyah ..
The thing with trust is once it’s broken, it’s hard to get back if the person isn’t rebuilding it with actions. Mending trust takes alot of time. It takes more than words. You need to go with your gut feeling and I am guessing your gut feeling is that the money he got out off the atm was for gambling. Someone who has an addiction will say and do things that makes you question your own sanity and thoughts. This is addiction talking…
Don’t doubt yourself..you have every right to feel how you feel. Your focus must be your own recovery. I remember in my relationship I focused too much on my partners recovery more than what he did and stopped looking after my own happiness.
Now I stayed 15 years and I have had to take some responsibility for allowing myself to continue in an unhealthy toxic situation. This has been my recovery and regaining my happiness.
Whether you leave or go will be your choice..everyone has a limit. But your recovery is a must.
I would suggest looking at reaching out to maybe a recovery coach. Have a look at addiction makes three on Instagram. There is plenty of information online regarding ways to set boundaries and support rather than feeling like you are enabling the addiction.
I hope for you and your little one things get better soon..take care..

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