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  • My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    SoniaJackson
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Tue May 18, 2021 10:49 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Tue May 18, 2021 11:00 pm

    Hello, this story touched my heart. When I was 22 I met a man who was also addicted to gambling, he hid it for a long time, and I could not understand what happens to all of our earned money! Not to write long, I will say that only helped us divorce .... he never stopped playing, no matter how I tried to help him, he did not want to change saying that he was fine and I just exaggerate everything! Believe me, dear, people do not change, these are very rare cases, because you need to change your essence, your nature. And to do that, you have to be a very strong person, and addicted people are very weak!
    I just want to wish you a lot of strength and patience and I hope you make the right choice! :);
    3 x
    Jessie 1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:01 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:43 am

    Wow how I can relate to this!!! 2 weeks ago I found out that husband gambled over 100k in 6 months. We have been together for 10 years and dealing with it from day one and never told a soul to protect him. Even though I was slowly dying inside. However that all changed 2 weeks ago....

    I was done. I decided I wasn't living like this and I no longer needed to protect him but to protect my 3 children under 6. So I told my family, his family and a friend of his. All were very shocked.

    Since then I have decided to give him ONE more chance and to be honest is only because my dad asked me to. My dad believes that with everyone knowing now it may help him recover. I do love him and he is great father and a great husband (besides the gambling of course).

    The reason I told my story was because maybe its time you did let people know what is happening. Sounds like you have tried every other avenue except that. Exactly like me until now. If he still gambles after this, after all the support he has then I'm done but I just wanted to be able to tell my children one day (if it doesn't work out) that I tried everything to keep our family together.

    Telling people was almost the hardest thing I've ever done but I knew this was my last hope of saving my family.

    Hope this is helps.. even a little. I wish you nothing but the best in anything you decide
    3 x
    Anita44
    Senior Member
    Posts: 374
    Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 9:30 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:37 pm

    Hi Jessie 1 you are lovely person , at less you give your husband one more chance, that was amazing, we all make mistakes in life, you can't make him change, only if he wanted to change for your family.
    I am addicted to pokies and I am now over 40 days gamble free, I love my family and I wanted to stop gamble myself , I tell my partner and his parents too they all supported me, they said I make mistakes at less I admitted that I gamble alots of money but we don't have any debts, but still it's doesn't give me the right to gamble all hard earn money, but s hit happen and I feel very bad about it, my partner forgive me and we are very happy now, cos I wake up everyday telling myself that I can't afford to loose what we have than that will make me think twice before I gamble again.
    3 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:56 pm

    Hi @Jessie 1
    I read your story and I am sorry you are going through this. Being a mum to 3 children under 6 and having to deal with this addiction must be so draining for you. You are a strong brave woman. I am glad you found the courage to tell people close to you about the gambling. I know that feeling of wanting to protect your partner I have always felt like that. I have slowly started to tell some of my family and a couple of close friends the extent of what has occurred in my relationship which has helped me emotionally but I still struggle with wanting to protect my ex at times. It’s weird how the mind works in wanting to protect someone who is hurting us emotionally. I hope your partner realises this is a make or break situation for your marriage. Whether he chooses to get help or not it sounds like you aren’t in denial anymore and wanting to do what is best for you and your little ones. One thing I have found since I left was how much I was neglecting my own needs as I had lost myself in this cycle of addiction. Make sure you don’t forget what is important for you and makes you happy and make time to do it. Take care
    2 x
    Jessie 1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:01 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:21 am

    Anita44 wrote:
    Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:37 pm
    Hi Jessie 1 you are lovely person , at less you give your husband one more chance, that was amazing, we all make mistakes in life, you can't make him change, only if he wanted to change for your family.
    I am addicted to pokies and I am now over 40 days gamble free, I love my family and I wanted to stop gamble myself , I tell my partner and his parents too they all supported me, they said I make mistakes at less I admitted that I gamble alots of money but we don't have any debts, but still it's doesn't give me the right to gamble all hard earn money, but s hit happen and I feel very bad about it, my partner forgive me and we are very happy now, cos I wake up everyday telling myself that I can't afford to loose what we have than that will make me think twice before I gamble again.

    Hello! Thank you for sharing. Reading your story gives me hope that he can change and I have made the right decision. Any advice of things I can do to help me trust him again as I feel that's going to be the hardest part for.. not only did he spend alot of our money but he would have lied to me so many times and was able to come home and pretend everything is normal..
    1 x
    Jessie 1
    Junior Member
    Posts: 5
    Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:01 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:26 am

    Jimap wrote:
    Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:56 pm
    Hi @Jessie 1
    I read your story and I am sorry you are going through this. Being a mum to 3 children under 6 and having to deal with this addiction must be so draining for you. You are a strong brave woman. I am glad you found the courage to tell people close to you about the gambling. I know that feeling of wanting to protect your partner I have always felt like that. I have slowly started to tell some of my family and a couple of close friends the extent of what has occurred in my relationship which has helped me emotionally but I still struggle with wanting to protect my ex at times. It’s weird how the mind works in wanting to protect someone who is hurting us emotionally. I hope your partner realises this is a make or break situation for your marriage. Whether he chooses to get help or not it sounds like you aren’t in denial anymore and wanting to do what is best for you and your little ones. One thing I have found since I left was how much I was neglecting my own needs as I had lost myself in this cycle of addiction. Make sure you don’t forget what is important for you and makes you happy and make time to do it. Take care
    Thank you for reaching out! You said I am strong brave women.. thanks so much but sometimes I think I stayed because leaving would be so hard on so many different levels... sometimes I think "am I stupid for giving him yet another chance?"

    I have definitely forgot to take care of myself as I've been busy taking care of everyone else. Your message had made me think about me and what I need. So tonight I went out with some friends and spent money on myself for the first time in a long time!!
    2 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Wed Jun 23, 2021 7:27 am

    @Jessie 1 You go girl🙌🙌🙌…I hope you had a great time at dinner with your friends. I have started to do this more as it’s something I stopped doing a long time ago. I also now take myself out to lunch and coffee as a treat…I like you have had others tell me I am brave, although I don’t feel it. It has been a like a roller coaster, not only staying with him but after I left. It’s only recently that I have felt that roller coaster ride is starting to slow down. I find the lying one of the most difficult to get over but in order for an addiction to occur they must lie. I also realised that I stayed with a man that I thought would change, that I chose not to look at the reality of our situation and tried to hold on to a fantasy. If you enjoy reading or get time to as I can image you are busy with 3 kids, ‘women who love too much’ by Robin Norwood has been a real eye opener for me in understanding why I love someone with an addiction. Take care and spend your time putting changes into yourself..he will either do the work or he won’t…
    1 x
    Damaged_Armour
    Senior Member
    Posts: 104
    Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 3:17 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Wed Jun 23, 2021 7:54 am

    SoniaJackson wrote:
    Tue May 18, 2021 11:00 pm
    Hello, this story touched my heart. When I was 22 I met a man who was also addicted to gambling, he hid it for a long time, and I could not understand what happens to all of our earned money! Not to write long, I will say that only helped us divorce .... he never stopped playing, no matter how I tried to help him, he did not want to change saying that he was fine and I just exaggerate everything! Believe me, dear, people do not change, these are very rare cases, because you need to change your essence, your nature. And to do that, you have to be a very strong person, and addicted people are very weak!
    I just want to wish you a lot of strength and patience and I hope you make the right choice! :);
    What a great post, thanks for your honest account.
    1 x
    There's No such thing as "Just Once"

    You want to stop gambling? Ok great, put your boxing gloves on.
    Anita44
    Senior Member
    Posts: 374
    Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 9:30 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:52 pm

    Hi Jessie 1 go girl you got to treat yourself and have a nice time out.
    I have to say that I never lie or make up other story to my partner, but if he ask me I telling him the true. I think honesty will go a long way in life.
    1 x
    Jimap
    Member
    Posts: 56
    Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:17 pm

    Re: My realisation that my marriage can’t be saved because of gambling

    Wed Jul 07, 2021 8:48 pm

    Hi @Jessie 1 how are things going for you and your family? I hope things have settled down for you and your partner 🙏
    0 x

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