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  • Son gambling addition

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Flatstanley
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 5:12 pm

    Son gambling addition

    Sat Dec 12, 2020 5:42 pm

    Hi. My son who's 21 has a gamblimg addiction and has lost a very large amount of money over the last couple of years. I have also in the recent past enabled him to gamble. He self excludes himself from a lot of online betting sites and puts limits on them. He then opens up accounts in my name and tells me he is just going to bet $100 and thats it, so I give him my card details and let him put a bet on and then put a temporary stop on my card afterwards. If I dont let him he gets in my face and keeps pestering me until I let him. He uses his own money.
    I guess I was thinking at least I can control it a bit that way. But I stopped letting him a couple of weeks ago and hes lost more money he had put away. He is now very very angry with me and says I could have stopped him and yells at me all the time and blames me.
    I know I am somewhat to blame and take responsibility for that but hes turned into an angry and mean person. I get extremely upset and Im devastated he has lost all of his money again. Ive asked him many, many times if we can keep his money safe for him and give him money to go out etc but he wont do that. He asked me a week ago at 10pm at night after Id been working for 8 hours if I could look for an account to keep his money safe and because I was exhausted I said send me your money and we will look together in the morning for an account to see which is the best one that he cant get at easily but he didnt want to do that. I also suffer from a chronic illness and as well as exhausted I was feeling unwell so I went to bed and he gambled his money the next day and it was my fault again for not helping him the night before. He makes me feel so bad and I find it very hard to look after myself and try to look after him too. I need to know what goes through his mind and I do know he cant help it because hes an addict, but I feel angry and sad and disappointed and devasted for him and feel very sorry for him at the same time. What can I do to help him? His dad does like to bet or at least watch the races on a saturday, but hes only ever bet small amounts like $10. But my son grew up with the races on tv every weekend and sometimes my husband would call into the tab on a weekend with our son when he was little to put a bet on. I dont think my husband understands at all. But I guess we have both contributed to his gambling. But it has gone to extreme now , paticulary this year, although he has lost big amounts before that. He wont go into rehab, we cant afford for him to go to a good one, but he wouldnt go in with alcholics and drug addicts. What has everyone else done for family members? This is tearing our family apart and all my son wants is for me to get his money back, but I cant. We are all upset. I have a frw years back sold things to get his money back or gotten a phone on a plan and sold the phone or a laptop plan and sold the laptop and stuck paying off the plans for a year or longer. I know I should never have done that but I felt so sorry for him. Please any suggestions and ideas. I feel like the worst mum in the world.
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Moderator
    Posts: 635
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Son gambling addition

    Mon Dec 14, 2020 2:03 pm

    Hi @Flatstanley

    Welcome to the forums! I'm glad to see that you have reached out to us all and shared your personal struggles with your son's gambling habit.
    Sometimes with people that do gamble, its very easy for them to shift blame when they may not feel ready to face the reality of the gambling problem head on. As a parent when you see a loved one struggling, the automatic response is to help as best as you can. However, he would need to be ready to tackle the gambling and take full responsibility for it in order to get to the next stage of receiving some help. Putting in some barriers for yourself is important.

    If you like you can suggest your son to come visit the forums also, or even call our helpline to speak with a counsellor. That's always a first step. That way he's taking the initiative in getting himself help.

    Anyone have any advice or support for flatstanely during this time?
    0 x
    AGHS
    Member
    Posts: 64
    Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:43 am

    Re: Son gambling addition

    Wed Dec 16, 2020 4:14 pm

    Hi Flatstanley, can I ask what state you are in. You are certainly in a very difficult situation and need help. As a parent, it is natural instinct to help our children but I think in your case it has gone beyond help to bullying and intimidation.
    0 x

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