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  • Newbie to the forum

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    pricey1981
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:15 am

    Newbie to the forum

    Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:21 am

    Hi there
    I've just joined this forum this morning.
    I guess im like most people in here, i have a problem with gambling.
    I've resisted to get help for as long as i can remember but i've pretty much hit rock bottom and i can't live like this much longer.
    My wife and I have taken a break until i sort my life out so im currently living at my younger brothers house which im embarrassed about.
    i've put myself in so much debt, i owe people money, i cant pay my bills and... and the sad thing is i knew what i was doing and still did it anyways just for my fix.
    Guess i just wanted to get it off my chest and thought maybe tying it down in here may help. I dont know.
    Anyways i hope using this forum helps.
    Cheers
    2 x
    User avatar
    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 356
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Mon Sep 14, 2020 6:13 pm

    Hi Pricey and Welcome,

    Congrats on having the courage to reach out and ask for help. It takes guts so be proud you have taken the first step.

    We all have a similar story here, the main thing is to not dwell on the past. We've all made mistakes and felt the shame and guilt that comes from a gambling binge.
    You have to look forward, set a goal and work towards it. Even if that goal is small. Like "I'm not going to gamble today" once you achieve that you can set another goal and before you know it you've strung day after day together.

    This forum saved not only my life but my soul. There is no judgement here, you are free to be open and honest about your addiction. Just take it one day at a time, use all the tools available, and know that you are not alone.

    There will be ups and downs but just know that the journey is worth taking. I've been gamble free for over 3 1/2 years now and this forum has a lot to do with it.

    Wishing you all the best
    JinxyWolf
    2 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1877
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Mon Sep 14, 2020 9:25 pm

    Welcome to this forum and well done for admitting a problem and for seeking advice.
    We all have a similar tale to tell.
    You have taken the first step by coming here.
    Staying with your brother might not be your ideal,but it seems he is willing to help,so ask him for it.
    Ask him to help you with your finance,it might be hard,but it will be useful.
    Limit the amount of money you carry
    Don't be embarrassed to ask for help
    Tell your friends what you are going through,most people appreciate the honesty
    Most importantly,dont dwell on what has gone before you,concentrate on your future
    Small steps,good luck
    2 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 554
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Wed Sep 16, 2020 11:04 am

    Hi @pricey1981
    Welcome to the forums! Good on you for taking that step to reach out for some help!

    As you can see, this is a great place to start to get support and tips on what you can do to help tackle that gambling bug.

    Think about what urges you experience to gamble, what triggers you to gamble, also what you can do to help distract yourself when you're having an urge, think about who you can reach out to when you're struggling.
    As @JinxyWolf said, this is an anonymous and non-judgemental platform so we are happy to listen.
    2 x
    pricey1981
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:15 am

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Thu Oct 01, 2020 4:44 pm

    Hi guys

    Started doing my counselling sessions this week face to face which was really good. Took a fair bit out of it and the counsellor seems to know what she is doing so I'm committing myself to this unlike previous attempts.
    My wife came around last weekend and she looked terrible, she had a big night the night before with a couple guys from her work at our place and looked worse for wear. I was so upset inside but didnt show it but it started to make me question where she was at with this. Im meant to be at my brothers for 6-8 weeks while sorting out the finances and she has guys around i have never met and drinking til all hours. It honestly killed me inside and made me want to bet which i didnt do but still.
    I'm planning to take her out next weekend once im paid and she has the weekend off but i got the feel she isnt that bothered. Im just so confused. The plan was to come here for a little bit to fix things money wise, i was even told not to pack much cause i was coming back but since ive been gone everything just feels so distant and off.
    I even wrote down my thoughts about life in general and what im going to change, i showed her screenshots of the betting accounts i blocked myself from and my ladbrokes card cut up into pieces and emailed it to her at 6:30am the other day and i didnt get reply til after 9pm cause she said she had a busy day. I know she gets the emails on her mobile and the notifications. Surely she could have replied sooner than that?
    i replied back to her the next morning saying i was looking fwd to next weekend and the future and i've not heard anything. Its been almost 48 hours.
    Am i reading too much into this? i feel sick and cant concentrate. I understand she is hurting from my actions but i just need to know she is behind me and wants to be together. Is she not responding cause she wants to see how i react? is she testing me?
    i showed my brother her response but he said im reading too much into it but ive been down this road before.
    ive been married once before and i was asked to go just for the weekend cause my 1st wifes father was coming down and i could come back on the monday. I was then told on that weekend not to bother coming back and it was over.
    I have serious deja vu at the moment and its messing with me in a big way.

    Like i said i havent gambled yet, i cant do it to myself but i feel in limbo.
    2 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 554
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Thu Oct 01, 2020 5:08 pm

    Hi @pricey1981 Sounds like your thoughts and feelings are racing at the moment, this can be quite overwhelming.
    I'm glad to hear that despite the struggles you;re going through at the moment, you have chosen not to depend on gambling as a support.
    Its great that counselling is working for you during this time, to help keep yourself on track.

    If you and your partner are both willing, maybe it can be useful to get some counselling for the both of you to get support for the relationship. https://www.relationships.org.au/ try have a browse on this website for some services. If you think it may be useful, maybe discuss this with your partner.

    In the meantime try to engage in some more self-care activities where you can to help ease some of those anxious feelings.

    Does anyone have any words of advice or support they'd like to share for Pricey1981?
    1 x
    pricey1981
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:15 am

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Wed Oct 07, 2020 12:23 pm

    So i called my wife Monday arvo to see if we were still good to catch up on Saturday and i could tell she was hesitant and she was making up possible reasons why she might not be able to.
    I said its fine and said i'll cancel the outing as i had booked but then i just said something is going on. She said she probably wont ever trust me ever again so she made it obvious that this was now over.
    I was gutted, the plan was to leave for a few months and clear my debts and start the process of counselling and getting help to show her i can change and then this.
    I asked her before i moved out that im only going if this is the plan and i do the right thing which she said yes,
    As soon as i left i felt the distance and when i popped in once to say hi she asked for the keys so she could give to her mum so she could feed the pets and she made it clear not to read anything into it.
    I feel betrayed but at the same time i betrayed her trust for years but i still am so hurt.

    i called her back the next morning and said to her " i know you cant trust me but do you love me". She said she always will but the feelings at the moment had shifted.
    I said to her that it was the trust element but then said if i can show you so there is no doubt im not lying by having you on the payslips, you have my account info for my email accounts, bank accounts, everything will you give me another chance.
    She said she didnt know, she would think about it but she needs time. I left it at that, i didnt want to push it but i needed to make it clear im not giving up and i'll do whatever it takes. i dont want to be begging either though, i want her to want to be with me. I wish she was with me going through this. I dont want her financial help with this, i just wish she was here to see what im doing and going through and she says i need to do it for myself and i get that but she is my motivation

    I have so many emotions right now, im in a state of limbo. Honestly this has actually made me hate gambling so much i dont want to do it anymore.
    Im so angry that it took me to get here to want to be gambling free, ive probably lost my best friend/wife when it didnt need to be the case. I could have fixed it sooner, i hate myself and life in general right now.
    1 x
    User avatar
    JinxyWolf
    Senior Member
    Posts: 356
    Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:51 pm

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Wed Oct 07, 2020 1:36 pm

    Hi Pricey,

    I'm glad to hear that you are still fighting even though you are going through so much pain right now.

    I myself never had a partner that had to deal with my gambling addiction so I can't really comment on how you can gain that trust back. I did however have to gain the trust of my family back and that was a slow process. It was about being completely honest with them but also they had to be completely honest with me even if I wasn't going to like what they had to say. I needed to hear it and they needed to let it out. The hurt and the lies I had told had damaged my most important relationships. It took years to damage these relationship so I couldn't expect that the trust I had lost could be earned back in a matter of weeks or even months.

    Destroying trust is easy, earning back that trust is hard it takes time and patients. I know your head is reeling right now but know that you deserve a gamble free future, not just because it will help your relationships but also because YOU deserve to be happy. Don't just do it for your relationships, do it for yourself.

    Stay Strong and know that we are here to support you.

    JinxyWolf
    3 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1877
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Thu Oct 08, 2020 12:33 am

    Hi Pricey
    Losing someone over gambling is really tough,
    But like Jinxy said.it will take awhile to get that trust back
    Do everything you can to prove that you are serious about stopping.
    Perhaps counselling for the both of you might help,perhaps not now but later on
    We forget how much we hurt the ones that care about us by our actions,but time is a healer.
    Be patient and strong
    Good luck
    3 x
    pricey1981
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Mon Sep 14, 2020 8:15 am

    Re: Newbie to the forum

    Sat Oct 10, 2020 9:55 am

    The wife asked if i wanted to come grab some clothes and my dog yesterday so i said ok.
    Got there with a bag to grab something and she had packed everything of mine, she had even taken our photos together out of frames.
    she said she didnt believe i was doing the counselling or doing this forum. she also said it wasnt her job to check up on me.
    i said to her just give me time to show her and she said she couldnt tell me if she loved me anymore.

    Come a couple hours later i got a text saying lets talk and for me to call her.
    She unleashed our entire history on me, she even had a guy over while she was taking this call. I felt sick. Everything was my fault that came out her mouth.
    She then said she is filing for divorce but she is backtracking it for 12 months and she wants me to sign it.

    I honestly feel like there is nothing to live for right now, i honestly thought that i was trying to repair everything but all of a sudden its too late.
    1 x

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