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  • GA Boyfriend

    Is someone you care about experiencing issues with gambling? Come in here to discuss your concerns, connect, and get some helpful tips.
    Domino8
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2019 11:36 am

    GA Boyfriend

    Mon Feb 11, 2019 11:57 am

    Hello everyone,

    I have contemplated posting for a while, but am at a point where I could really use some guidance from anyone who has been through a similar situation with a partner with GA. I am a 26 year old female. My boyfriend of a year has a gambling addiction, which I have known for the last 6 months. He has gambled for about 10 years, and although I have known for a while now I have only recently come to realise how much this addiction has taken over his life. Because of his gambling he has no savings, takes out fast money loans, has distanced himself from his family, and has never been able to love someone because of how gambling dulls his emotions.
    I care for him deeply and want to support him, and as some of you will know when you are involved it is hard to remove yourself from your emotions despite logic. However is it naive and ignorant to stay?
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 404
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: GA Boyfriend

    Mon Feb 11, 2019 12:25 pm

    Hello @Domino8 , Welcome to the Forums!

    I'm Calvin, one of the facilitators.
    Good on you for reaching out.
    I think you'd find that many other members have or would've had similar experiences to yourself.
    Sounds like his gambling has become quite toxic to his life and also having an impact on you and the relationship at the same time.
    It can be a tough position for you to be in.
    Is he ready to change? Has he expressed concerns for his own gambling ways? Has he said he would like some help?
    These are all very important as that can determine how much he wants to change and improve his life at this point. That way he can actively seek out help.
    Meanwhile, try to engage in a bit of self-care for yourself at this time .

    KInd regards,,
    Calvin
    1 x
    GJIAN99
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:01 pm

    Re: GA Boyfriend

    Mon Nov 04, 2019 5:10 pm

    Hi there
    Just reading through this post and it rings true to me too. My boyfriend of just over 1 year has a gambling problem. He is over 40 and has nothing to show for all his hard work because it gets blown on the pokies. He does say he wants to change and has tried the 100 day challenge a few times but has always re-lapsed. I don’t know how to help him. I want to encourage but not sure how hard to push to make him take the next step.

    Aside from all the financial losses, my greatest concern is for his mental health and the difficulties he has loving himself as well as others.
    2 x
    gzy3
    Member
    Posts: 64
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: GA Boyfriend

    Tue Nov 05, 2019 3:39 pm

    Hi @GJIAN99 welcome to this forum!

    I am one of the facilitators on this forum.
    I can hear you are worried and feel lost with how to help your boyfriend overcome his gambling problem as well as his mental health concern.
    I am sure it has been very difficult for you.

    Would it be possible to identify any situations which contributed to his relapse? Some people relapse when they are distressed or on a paid day.
    What was helpful when he was able to stay away from gambling? I wonder these questions may be helpful to have a conversation with him?

    Also it seems his self-esteem and trust in other people may be not high? Seeking support from a psychologist/counsellor may help too so what underlies his gambling can be explored.

    Meanwhile don't forget to take a good care of yourself. Your wellbeing is paramount.
    1 x
    GJIAN99
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:01 pm

    Re: GA Boyfriend

    Wed Nov 06, 2019 9:57 pm

    Thanks for the reply. It definitely hasn’t been easy, especially when I don’t know what to do. The only good thing is that my BF is open with me about his addiction and desire to stop it.

    He has been to counselling before, but didn’t think it helped. He is now considering hypnotherapy. I tell him to keep trying until he finds the solution that works for him... although I know he needs counselling as well as whatever alternative strategies he uses as I can see that even if he were to stop gambling, he hasn’t dealt with the root of his issues.

    He has acknowledged that he is most vulnerable when he has a big night out drinking. He has asked me to check in on him when he is out with mates to make sure he goes home without being tempted to gamble. While I will do whatever it takes to help, I hate the idea of checking up on him and instructing him to go home. I don’t want to become the nagging girlfriend, but more than anything, I want him to take responsibility for his own actions and I want him to be able to moderate his own behaviours so that he can fight the urges off himself. I fear that by checking up on home, he will feel like I am controlling him and will resent me for it or will lie to me in future to avoid the confrontation.

    I honestly don’t know what to do to be helpful without being too pushy. Or is too pushy what a gambler needs to get back on the right track??
    1 x
    Jaharkne
    Junior Member
    Posts: 1
    Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:44 pm

    Re: GA Boyfriend

    Tue Feb 04, 2020 5:51 pm

    Hi @GJIAN99 ,

    Wow, it's like reading a post I would write myself, I am going through the same experience and issues with my partner. We were together 6 months when he told me he had an addiction and we've been trying to work through it for the past 13 months.

    He altered his accounts so now he gets paid into an account we can both see but I am the only one who can withdraw/transfer money from it but that only seems to be controlling the problem not actually working towards healing it. I'm at a loss. I want to be able to give him his money back but I know it'll all be gambled as his first weak moment. He doesn't want to see a counsellor, he doesn't think it will help so i'm stuck and have no idea how we actually work through getting him to heal from this addiction.

    I worry about the future, I'm afraid i'll spend years with him and turn around in 5 years and still be battling this issue.
    How can I get him to see its important he gets help to address this issue now?
    1 x

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