Pears diary

[BrittV (facilitator)]

Hey aussiepear, this diary's great!
You've identified that tonight's a bit of a danger zone for you, could you perhaps make another plan for how to spend your time in advance to lock something in?
Even picking a movie to watch with your husband tonight?

I hope you have a lovely night at home, proud of not being at a venue :)

[AussiePear]

Thanks for reading Refreshing to write down stuff
Day 6.
Yesterday was a big day. I didn’t have anything locked in at nighttime as above mentioned, was held back at work till 8pm, which was a blessing in disguise.
Then I got home n poured a wine, well a lot of wine while trying not to forget what a crap day it had been in front of husband and kids.
Hubby asked if I was going out as it was my usual night off and I said nar not tonight. Had an early night.
nice to wake up early on a Friday for a change.
Big weekend ahead, happy as no chance of gambling even if the urges got to me, x

[AussiePear]

Day 7
Todays a great day A million things going on. With barely a thort of wanting to gamble. Usually I’d use being busy as an excuse to have some time out late at night. Not tonight . Can’t wait to get to zzz. X

[dragon007 (facilitator)]

@AussiePear

Well done, congratulations, it is lovely to see when we rediscover the great things in our lives.

Take care.

dragon007

[AussiePear]

Couldn’t agree more. The more focus I put into recovery the most I appreciate everything more.
Day 8.
It has been over a week since I last wasted hours sitting on a stool wasting money and hours in front of a pokie machine. I’ve spent part of this week reflecting on times I’ve won big, felt great to win big. Wasn’t life changing. If anything it helped recover previous losses and made me want to gamble more. Never ending cycle. I wish I could say “I’m done with this forever” but I know I’m addicted to them.
From a week ago to now, I’m sleeping better. I’m appreciating everything I have a little more. I’ve been reorganising home. Feels good.
I hate myself less by the day, I felt my lowest a week ago.
The desire to a better person stops me everytime I think I wanna gamble, this is only the beginning but I’m feeling good. X

[AussiePear]

Day 9
Today we took out a loan to clear the debts for our business. The feeling of financial pressure will ease for us. I’m not proud of this. Just extreme guilt that I put my family and our business under this. I know that money will grow again and the loan will be paid off.
But in a positive way, I don’t wanna gamble.
Ho hum Monday, time for a bath n movie to take my mind off things X

[PurpleP]

@AussiePear

Congrats on how far you have come. I think its nice to think of all the good you are doing now to get yourself and family back on track rather than beating yourself up about what you cannot change. It sounds like your getting alot more clarity as the days go on and are really taking this opportunity of not gambling to work on making your life easier. Keep taking care of yourself and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

PurpleP

[AussiePear]

Thanks purple! One day at a time.

[AussiePear]

Sad post for me as I’ve enjoyed this site and reading and sharing.
I talked to my husband about reaching out online and we never fight but this caused a bad one. He doesn’t want me to share with the world my feelings. His always had my back no matter what.
He asked me to get counselling with him in private not online and with him if I need it.
I don’t regret coming here. The online posts have been inspiring and has really helped me to today. Good luck with this journey. Thank you x

[Calvin (facilitator)]

Hi @AussiePear ,

Love hearing the motivation. It can be difficult but does get easier overtime.

How are things going for you lately ?