Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby JinxyWolf » Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:25 pm

Hey Mona,

Don't beat yourself up too much, you had the courage to walk out after $20 instead of letting it turn into a binge. That takes real strength and I'm proud of you. All too easily this could have turned into a spiral but you stopped it, dead in it's tracks. Like you said, you are so much stronger now. One slip in 8 months, that's nothing to be ashamed of, it' just a little stumble that's all. All the work you have done in the last 8 months is a credit to you and how much you want this demon out of your life for good so keep it up.

It's had when you start to get savings, I found that it made me nervous as well. I finally had extra money, after all these years, and it was just sitting there in my bank account, staring at me. I was so worried I was going to blow it on a binge, but I found that having financial goals really helped me see that money as more than just something I could gamble with. First it was art supplies, then a nintendo switch ( so worth it) then a graphics tablet, new golf clubs and before I knew it I had the keys to a brand new car. I finally had something to show for all my had work, I could use my switch or tablet, drive my new car, I had proof that I had spent that money well, instead of just a memory of throwing that money down a bottomless pit and having nothing but regrets and guilt to show for it.

So dig those heels in Mona and know that we are always here to pick you up and give you a helping hand when you need it.

JinxyWolf
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Thu Jul 12, 2018 6:29 pm

Had a complicated few weeks .. with study stress, trying to quit smoking, seeing psychologist, and trying to wind down to holiday mode and fighting negative thoughts,. l got to the point I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me . I was fed up with me, if that makes sense-.-I knew what was going out but it was just so strange ... I push on and push on... Then two days ago l went shopping .. I rarely take that route since l stopped gambling. I want to say that I don't know why l took that route. .-but the truth is I did know I was at risk and I knew I would end up in the D-den even though I kept telling myself I will try ignore it... did my shopping ... Walked out and walked pass the D-den but-. then turned back went in... put $20 in machine... it is so hard to put in words... pressed button a few times ..-got up went to toilet to wipe up tears and get my breath back... went back to machine took reserve off and walked out! !!... my body felt twice its weight! I could not take it anymore... brought pkt smokes went and sat in park ... for a long while...

WHY did I do this... l kind off wanted this strange not nice feelings I was having to go away. I couldn't' sort of understand it even though I knew why it was happening.... I'm going to have to work out a new plan to quit smoking and been reading the Quit program online... the gums alone don't work for me...

I'm very disappointed ...but l guess it was an experience I had to have It's made me realise how much stronger I really am.

One of the things that kept playing in my mind over those few weeks before had been the fact that l have money saved... and it was making me nervous. Enjoying this new life and emotions gamble free after so many years does have it's weird moments...


Mona ... on day 2
(after lapse 4 days shy of 9 months .-268 days.. gawd I'm going to have to white out the numbers on my Calendar ... damn you gamble demon! )
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby JinxyWolf » Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:03 am

Hey Mona,

Congrats on hitting 8 months, that's awesome :cool: :cool: :cool:

Who doesn't love a pjama day :p , relax and enjoy.

Keep up the good work

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jun 25, 2018 1:36 pm

Thanks Brit!

l had gone back to Uni. On semester break now. Was a difficult 1st semester and taken me a couple weeks to wind down! Having a pjama day today!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby BrittV (facilitator) » Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:39 am

Well done Mona58, so glad to hear you're doing well :)
Always nice to hear how you're going, as well as see all the support you give to others.

I'm wondering if you chose a class to start up with your time? I think it's a great idea, would love to hear what you came up with?

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jun 25, 2018 8:55 am

Thank you Cazza and Tara,

Weekend was good. Had lunch with friends saturday and sunday was a lazy day knitting tea cosy and watching TV!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby How the F did I get here » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:10 pm

Past the 8 month mark. That is sensational Mona! Can only imagine how proud you are.
Thanks for all the hope you give to others not as far in as you.

Something definitely need to remind myself that yes there are crappy days, but as you say those days pass.

Keep up the fight, X
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Cazza » Sat Jun 23, 2018 9:34 am

Hi Mona, hope you have had a lovely week. Not much happening in the garden this weekend going to be too wet i think.
Sitting by the fire this morning watching the sky grow blacker and blacker. Days like this i love winter as i know i don't have to rush out the door to work.
Enjoy your weekend Mona 😊
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Jun 17, 2018 10:19 pm

Thanks Cazza!

Just one! l only had one eclair on Friday!

Yes it is interesting feeling different in the colder days, I'd banished the word "bored" and just say I'm relaxed or having a lazy day. There is always something to do but yet some days are just "crappy" but they pass.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Cazza » Sun Jun 17, 2018 10:10 pm

Well done on your 8 months Mona. I hope you have had a lovely weekend.

I think that it is a bit harder maybe because of the weather too. So busy filling our days with gardening, walking and just being out and about in general in the nicer weather.

Now we have hit winter and become a little more housebound , I think the boredom threshold increases.
On the bright side we only have 10 more weeks of winter to go. That just may leave me enough time to plan out my new garden beds.
Hope you have enjoyed your eclairs this weekend Mona. Sending you much strength 😊
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