Payday blues...

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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:26 pm

Thanks Oregon : congrats on 45 days GF (?)



Day 91GF

Friend passed away yesterday ...

Visited stepmother today ...

.,.triggered a split second ''pokie though" but was easy to disregard it with a quick reminder that I DO NOT gamble anymore. And that was it.

Life went on being livable... other people's lives are just that their life...

nice to be able to buy coffee and choc croissant with the touch of the card... and not think anymore of it than it being a coffee and a croissant...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Oregon » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:08 am

Love your last update Mona. :D
Gamble free since 29.05.18
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:07 am

Day 90...

Life has become liveable... peaceful even... that's 'today.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 4:00 pm

Day 87 ...

A payday...I cannot ... I don't think there ever was a day I'd not needed to go shopping.... l went yesterday..

I've a NEW habit... an addiction to Bunnings... especially in the garden section where they put the half live plants in need of TLC .
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby DFP » Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:54 pm

Stay strong Mona! Awful news about your friend. I think we are wired to look at gambling as an escape whenever we have to work through difficulties. So the emotional reaction is escape and an instant fix. You did well to resist. Congratulations!!
Always a 'work in progress'
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:52 am

Day 86

Yesterday I printed my posts ... and threads I posted in 379 pages... and that is only a third... It took awhile as t spent lots of time reading them ... felt much better after awhile... more positive than I think I felt prior as the posts that leapt out were much encouraging.

l now question what happen to me yesterday... I think I was in a panic of sorts Relapse stories and struggles seem to do that to me. Did I subconsciously fight the gamble demon? Consciously l had NO urge to gamble.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:25 am

l'M recalling some of my posts... advice l would give to some-one in my position, Angst is a waste of energy... it would solve nothing. As natural and as right it may seem ... dealing with it will be worse had l still been gambling.

I remember reading a post which suggested printing your posts. This l will do.

I've been getting memories of times I've spend with my friends... getting upset at times that gambling had stopped me meeting up with them. It takes moments like this that regrets emerge....

yesterday... the word "selfish" kept playing on my mind... how selfish the gamble demon makes us..when things were good... there's moments where I'd be thinking its too good-. and then one thrng happens... ok ... then the next... and again ok... then the third hits like a ton of bricks... BUT its foam compared to what my friend will be feeling...

Why do we wait till we are faced with loss that life / friends / family matter more.... ?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:29 am

Day 85

Nothing matters more than how distressed a friend of mine must be... her partner on life support after being hit by car.

Do I think of escaping to gambling...HELL NO!!!... that would be the most SELFISH thing.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:26 pm

Day 84 ...

A few "Things" have ticked me off today!

I've been trying to paste the ABC State of play2 site here but for some Reason it won't let me! (its in two other posts though) ...This is one of readings that had fueled my angst today... "hardened my resolve" I guess.

Yesterday I thought it is NOW an easy matter of simply Not gambling. Staying quit...
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
Mona58
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Re: Payday blues...

Postby Mona58 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 10:28 am

Thanks DFP

It sure is a great feeling!

I'd had to walk pass the D-Dens today and barely noticed them... BUT not assuming I'm over them. I'm now very wary of trigger moments ... day 71 still fresh in my mind. I did for a bit worry the demon WAS gonna jump out today on day 81 ... but I think it knows I'm stronger and in control today so it might have to try another day!

Nice to read lots of posts this morning. Stay strong everyone and life becomes as life will be gamble free.

Mona in day 81
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
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