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  • can I see the light

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 254
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Sun Mar 31, 2019 8:22 pm

    @pamela
    I often wonder the same. Perhaps that is why I get so down, thinking about what could have been.

    Better job
    Owning a home
    Lots of holidays
    I think to myself that life was meant to be so different, I guess not only the assets but the way I feel about myself.

    Mainly for my daughter though I wish I had a beautiful home for her, like so many other families. I was literally within an arms reach of having a good deposit for a little place when things unraveled.
    I put us back about 5 years which in turn I have missed the boat in the property market.

    Also no close friendships, I always bailed on events as I was broke or depressed.
    I wasted my prime years, it's just so stupid. I feel like I did life back to front you play pokies and go to the club in your 70's and so on not your bloody 20's.

    Great to see you are still doing amazing Pamela, you have been a great source of inspiration for so many people on here.

    I am pretty much coming on here every day because I need to stick this and I am in early days, I just with my entire being want to kick this, like you I have wasted so much time, and precious time with my daughter is the hardest to swallow for me.

    I feel like I am putting up the biggest fight of my life for freedom, I can't loose anymore time with my daughter.
    It absolutely kills me to remember my little girl running to the front door excited to see me, and hearing her say "Mummy, why did you take so long at work? After I had been playing the pokies for 5 hours after work.
    Or sometimes I would come home and she was in bed already as she couldn't wait up for me any longer.
    Just writing that makes me so f$%&#%& angry at myself for that, how the f#$% could I not stop when I had this beautiful little human? It absolutely f#%$?!$ hurts so bad!

    I will never let my girl down again!! I am going to fight this demon to the death!
    2 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Mon Apr 01, 2019 6:01 pm

    I often reflect on all the "could haves".but that gets me nowhere so I focus on the what I will have..and that is what you are doing..
    Your time with your daughter is the most important thing you can give her and you can do that if you're not caught up in the gambling merrygoround.
    Living an honest life is so rewarding , so keep gamble free and build a good happy life
    We cant undo what we did, but we can try and make changes
    Please keep strong and true to yourself
    3 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Wed Apr 10, 2019 12:25 am

    I have been doing some reflecting lately and I know I am in a good place ..but When I think of where I could have been if I hadn't gambled I get really angry.Not only have I wasted all that money ..but so much valued time..I should be slowing down but I have to keep working to make up for all the money I put through a machine..I hate the things..they cause so much damage emotional and physical..
    I am lucky that I don't play any more..and as strong as I appear sometimes ..I still feel annoyed with myself for letting myself get hooked to playing the pokies...
    But on the same hand I am proud of what I do to campaign against gambling and gambling reform
    Dont give up the fight if you are struggling..push through the pain and keep resisting..live life as it should be lived
    Good luck everyone😀😀
    3 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Sat Apr 20, 2019 9:37 am

    I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter..I hope you can stay strong and resist any urges to gamble..the end prize is worth the struggle..
    3 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Tue Apr 23, 2019 10:21 am

    I have been watching a 9 part series on you tube..I win.You lose..a very insightful series and I encourage you to watch it
    Hope you are all remaining strong
    3 x
    User avatar
    BrittV (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 347
    Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 11:40 am

    Re: can I see the light

    Tue Apr 30, 2019 4:40 pm

    Hi @pamela I've been thinking about what you said about getting angry at yourself..

    I recently heard that one of the hardest things for many people is practising self-love - forgiving yourself, being compassionate with yourself, and kind to yourself.

    You seem a very amazing and strong person, and you are very kind to so many here - giving support and advice. From what you've shared, stopping gambling has opened up a whole new life for you, such as your acting group! Like you say - you have much to be proud of.
    It's hard, but continue to practise identifying the wonderful things about yourself, rather than the "what ifs". But it's hard for all of us in different ways.

    Take care, I hope you had a lovely easter!
    1 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Sat May 11, 2019 7:52 pm

    On Thursday our drama group put on our second performance and I want to say how thrilling it is to be able to tell our stories through drama.We all have lived experience and none of us are actors but the feedback we got was amazing.I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be involved in anything like this ..but it has given me so much satisfaction and done wonders for my confidence.
    I never thought I would stop gambling either but I did..and have never looked back
    So ..never give up on yourself and keep trying to beat this habit..you can do it and life will be so different
    Good luck everyone and push yourself ..not that button
    3 x
    Mona58
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1032
    Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:44 am

    Re: can I see the light

    Sat May 11, 2019 9:38 pm

    Well done Pamela !
    1 x
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Sun May 12, 2019 8:46 pm

    Thanks Mona
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1695
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Fri May 24, 2019 7:22 pm

    I went out today with a friend and I was reflecting on how much my life has changed since I stopped gambling.Just simple pleasure of being able to go out for a coffee.To be able to put petrol in my car and buy food ..everyday activities I struggled with for many years..so glad I found a different playground
    3 x

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