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  • can I see the light

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Catherine1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 144
    Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2014 9:19 am

    Re: can I see the light

    Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:52 pm

    Hi Pam. Yes it is hard giving these damn machines up but It is certainly worth it. I am up to day 25 today. I had the day off work today as leave. I am pleased as normally I would have spent half the day gambling but today instead i spent the day cooking 2 carrot cakes, raspberry coconut slice and choc chip cookies. I love cooking and have been getting back to my interests before gambling. I also went and visited some friends and gave them some of my cooking. I am also going to bring some for morning tea at work tomorrow and have kept some in the freezer to give to my brothers next week. This feels so much better than losing my hard earnt dollars in the pokies. I even went to the butchers to get some meat for the freezer and i was thinking it is great to have some money in my purse as i havent spent a cent in those damn machines. Pam you inspire me as you are so many days ahead of me, so keep it going. I know you have had a hard day today but as you have so often told us we have to keep going. These machines cannot win. We are much better without them. It sounds strange but now that i am not playing the machines i feel as if a weight has lifted off my shoulders and i feel in control. I am the one calling the shots not those damn machines.
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1709
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Thu Sep 17, 2015 11:18 pm

    Thanks Catherine I really did struggle yesterday but am so happy I didn't give in and today I feel a whole lot better knowing I didn't feed a poker machine and I never want that feeling of desolation again even if the demon keeps knocking on my door, Well done to you for doing all that cooking and doing something else to stop you from gambling and it really is a good feeling.Well done
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    Dave68
    Senior Member
    Posts: 320
    Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Fri Sep 18, 2015 11:17 am

    Hi Pamela. Great work resisting those urges, it's so hard to do that, when for years and years we've just gone in at any whim and sat down, ready to almost pay homage to what was once our masters.

    Even after almost 18 months, very occasionally that flutter appears in me too. I still sometimes fondly remember the fun it was when i would go to the casino back in '99, having just taken a package from work, so i had money, time and no responsibilities. I'd be up there almost every day, and if not there, be going in to venues in Geelong. But now, just as that 'fun' gets remembered so does the tens of thousands of dollars i also pumped into those venues at that time. I'd spend twelve hours or more up there, and leave with a pocket lightened to the tune of $600-$1000 on more than a few occasions. And that's the reality stick that hits me in the eyes and says, never again!

    It's not just that money i lost too upon more introspective, it's the double effect of the interest on the debts i owe. Over $1300 a month in repayments of the credit card and personal loans i have as a reminder of my gambling largesse. That still rings loud and clear to me, and keeps hitting me in the face daily about what a fool i was for so long. Pretty much knobbled my life as i have mentioned before, it'll take many years to correct but nothing will ever undo the damage. This is the legacy i have left myself.

    Now Pamela, there is something i now do that can at least enable a pokie fix to be had at no cost. For many months i have played the facebook 'Heart of Vegas' casino, which is all the games i used to play in venues. They are free (or at least if you eschew the temptation to buy tokens), as you get extra tokens for free every day. I like playing this, but i am also totally aware now of the difference between playing these as a computer game, and playing a pokie for the aim of gambling, or 'winning money'. Indeed a few days ago when in town i passed through a venue in order to go to the conveniences, and had a look at the 'action' as i walked by. I saw nothing i liked, no machine i wanted to get on, and no desire whatsoever to play them. If you're home and getting a bit antsy about going to a venue, that could be an option to try this facebook app. What i know i have done now is to separate the gamble from the game. I still feel similar to the real things, in fact the pattern of losing the tokens replicates how i'd lose my money. But it's not money now, it's valueless tokens. And to be frank, how often you lose them all is yet another reminder that we should never ever put a cent into a machine. I realise that now above all else. Good luck Pamela, you're really advancing well on this journey.
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1709
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Fri Sep 18, 2015 11:25 pm

    thanks Dave I really appreciate your encouragement.and I will not put another cent in a pokie machine. I too have credit card debts I will be paying off for the rest of ever!!!! and it is constant reminder of the damage I have done. Yesterday was a struggle but I didn't play them so I had a win. I do occasionally play the on line games and it does help but I still wonder if it is keeping that urge alive I am pleased with my progress an really appreciate the support and encouragement
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    Elouisa
    Senior Member
    Posts: 141
    Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:46 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Mon Sep 21, 2015 7:01 pm

    Hi Pamela, it's great to read your progress. Your determination really comes through. All the money thrown in those machines with no odds at all (at least horse racing has a form guide to calculate your risk). May as well chuck the $$'s in the toilet as it's not really 'gambling' when you think about it. I used to joke ( in a sick way) how many bar-stools I paid for in the venues, carpet, and as for the free coffees...they cost a fortune!!!
    I feel better today - only day 3 and not really noble as I don't have the means to gamble after my weekend binge
    but nevertheless my head is clearer and the futility is so obvious to me today.
    Payday I'm going to allocate only enough for my needs and carry no extra cash.
    Focussing on appreciating the simpler (& freer!) things.
    Don't want to wake up in the mornings then recall I'd lost my money/and in debt from the day before...
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1709
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Mon Sep 21, 2015 8:18 pm

    That's right Kristine..no more money in the machines,,as you say may as well flush it down the toilet. Better odds of winning that way ...They (the pokies) will always be the winner no matter how we look at them and it has taken me a long time to come to that realisation.I want to have money in my pocket and not wonder where my next dollar will come from.I want to be able to buy nice things and I could have had nice things but the only nice things I got with my money was new décor in the pokie venues.I will not feed them again enough is enough.Lets help one another to kick this habit forever
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    Charlotte (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 9:53 am

    Re: can I see the light

    Thu Sep 24, 2015 4:28 pm

    Great to read about you all putting one foot in front of the other along the path of recovery. Each day not gambling is a milestone, so well done to everyone! It's not an easy road, but with determination and the motivation that is boosted by the support provided here, you are all making significant changes :)

    More power to you!
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    thanh son
    Junior Member
    Posts: 13
    Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2015 9:59 am

    Re: can I see the light

    Sat Sep 26, 2015 1:02 pm

    hi pamela, i m a problem gambler like everyone in this forum. and good to see some positive outcomes ...i hope you can h keep away from those stupid pokies machines that killing numerous people and families in Australia..including myself...i m near half dead when i post this ...with mental and physical health deteriorating everyday..arising from gamblings...i going to see face to face with councelling and hoping the good things will follow. why are we gambling? ...to win money right? so after win that money, we are going to pay bills and spend that winnings and keep our hard earned income for savings or something else..right?...wrong! 100%that is a wrong idea from the beginnings..and most of us here get caught on that idea silently and the results? we lost the money we made from work ...like many, i will try again , again and again just to win back the lost money, until we got hooked uunconsciously...and until we deeply in debts that we realized gambling has become big problems...i bet on any sports, online and at outlets, playing pokies, casino..etc...all and all just try to win money ...but as i mentioned earlier, we are all losers at the end...if we satisfied of what we are ie: income earned from works, centrelink pensions, and spend that money for our living expenses, take that greedy thoughts of trying to win money from gambling, then we are ok...but can we do it? can we ? i cant..and that created problems for me and my family and perhaps for all of us here...please help us God!
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    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1709
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:43 am

    Well I am on day 140 today..I never thought I would or could make it this far.I love waking up knowing the first thing I think of is not the pokies.They used to dominate my life so much and now I barely give them a thought.I do still sometimes get a flutter in my stomach but it doesnt last long .it is not like it used to be.I owe a lot to my counsellor and to the support and encouragement I get here.I will always be on guard but the pokies will not dominate my life again.I will not feed a machine today
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    Elouisa
    Senior Member
    Posts: 141
    Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:46 pm

    Re: can I see the light

    Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:38 pm

    Hi Pamela great to hear you have so many days up! Well done and thanks for keeping us posted.
    I'm just over half of you (75 days) .
    Like you said - I also have to consciously think of gambling now whereas it was always on my mind.
    Or else money was - how to get more to gamble then how to recover/recoup.

    You made a good point how the machines will dominate our life.
    Everything was boring except whilst feeding the pokies.

    Now I am more content with everyday life. Work is to pay bills and earn a living not squander earnings.
    I am more patient, focussed, organised, alert and definitely happier.

    Having some money saved for Christmas feels great. I was so scared I'd slip and end up broke by now.

    I doubt I'll ever go back - sounds cocky but I feel so different and in control.
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