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  • 100 days challenge number two

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Sep 25, 2015 8:14 pm

    Hello everyone,

    I have been away with work for the last three months and haven't had a chance to get on and post in the forums.
    Things were going very well. I was doing some work in a remote area, I was away from the temptation of Gambling.
    Since the start of the year I have paid off just under half of my debt, working in a remote area for the last three months has helped, I got a bit of extra pay. and didn't have to pay for anything apart for my cigarettes. So I managed to pay off thousands off my debt.

    However, I came back home at the start of this week, and got paid a significant amount. The Demon came back with vengeance, A craving to gamble came from nowhere. And for the first time in a long time, I found myself driving to a pub and having those fantasies about winning jackpots and thousands of $$$. This ended up with me gambling over the last few days. I gambled about $4000.00. This was money to finally fix my car, this was money to pay off even more of my credit cards. I could have paid one of them off with that money, and paid another significant chunk off my other one.

    So for the first time in a long time, I am back to having that gut wrenching feeling of blowing all of my money. I had worked my *** off since February this year to beat this thing. And now I feel how I did back then, worthless. I have taken out a payday loan to cover myself for the rest of the fortnight, yep my pay was gone in a couple of days getting it. So I have to make do for the rest of the fortnight with little money. And for the first time in months I have gotten myself further into debt.

    I will get back on the road to recovery, now that I am back home I can get back to posting regularly on here. I have to move again at the end of the year for work. (I have managed to keep my job, luckily!) So that was another thing that was going well for me.

    I think I am numb at the moment, I just can't believe I have lapsed, I keep thinking about going back and winning that money that I have lost.

    I hope everybody is doing well and is staying gambling free. Tomorrow is day 1
    0 x
    Elouisa
    Senior Member
    Posts: 141
    Joined: Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:46 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:20 pm

    Hi SW1,
    Very sorry to read of this hardship back again in your life. Sad.
    It's devastating what damage can be done when we are just looking for a lucky break.
    I get your confusion and frustration. It's awful when we feel we can't rely on ourselves.
    I have quit pokies on two occasions for 2 year periods then wham just like you I went
    into a pub venue thinking I would be fine. A nostalgic play Just for old times sake...
    I undid all my good work in a matter of hours. Like a deprived (depraved!) kid let loose
    I was out of control. It's always worse when relapsing - almost as if lost time needs to
    be made up.
    Years later I'm still battling however I am on Day 7 and committed to the 100 day challenge.
    I am not going to keep doing the same thing expecting a different result.

    You proved you can do it. You sound too smart to let these urges continue.
    It's surprising how soon you can get back on track once you stop completely.
    Budget, tighten your belt and once the payday loan is out of the way you'll feel better.
    Best to scrimp rather than beat yourself up. It feels more worthwhile and every $ saved feels
    so good after the waste.
    It's never too late to start again.
    Try not to dwell on what happened - really think about not giving the greedy government one more $!
    It's legal theft.
    They're getting enough tax on your cigarettes.
    I was a member of GA when I abstained ( just not near a meeting where I live now otherwise I'd go back) but I remember someone saying "If gamblers were winners then Las Vegas would still be a desert..."
    We CANNOT win and hold it without putting it all back and more. Fact. Another GA saying was "A win is a loan, a loss is forever.."
    Take care, best of luck and keep busy. Don't let your mind wander (keep reading this forum & sharing your progress). I am so pleased I found it and people here really do care and understand. We are all in the same boat.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1803
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:24 pm

    Hi SW1 I am really sorry to hear about your loss .These machines are evil and it is time we realised that.We work too hard for our money to feed them as they are too greedy.That feeling of desolation is why I will never give them one cent ever again.Its hard as we all know but at some stage we just have to say enough is enough.This forum encourages me and counselling has really helped.I wish you all the best and hope you get support from others
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sat Sep 26, 2015 7:18 am

    G'day Pamela,

    Thankyou so much for your words of support. After this recent relapse I feel very low.
    Today is day 1, and today I will not gamble. The urges to go back are still very strong at the moment. They will get weaker, but I need to ride the next few days. Lots of reading posts on here, and having a counselling session on Wednesday will help me get back on track.

    thankyou again, and I hope you have a great weekend and gamble free!

    Day 1.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1803
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:06 pm

    Hi SW1 well done for resisting the urge for 1 day.It is very hard to give these demons up but It can be done with grit and determination.Next time you get an urge take the time to recall the last time you played the pokies and how awful you felt and keep that thought with you till the urge passes. It works for me. I still get excited about them but I will not put one cent in a machine again as I do recall how I felt the last time I played them and lost all my money and I do not want to feel like that again ,,EVER. So I am doing everything in my power to stop playing them. So keep just staying away one day at a time and don't look too far ahead..one pokie free day at a time
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Sun Sep 27, 2015 8:10 am

    Thankyou again Pamela. Your supportive posts mean a lot to me. At this stage I am low, because I know that I still want to gamble, I am back under the control of the gambling addiction at the moment, it would be quite easy for me to slip back into that vicious cycle of gambling every payday, blowing it all, borrowing more money to get through the fortnight, and not paying off my other debts. This cycle destroys me. It takes away my will to live. Life becomes a complete struggle and thoughts of gambling cloud my everyday life. It then effects my relationships, my work and my health.

    I need to get back on track. Today is day 2. And I will take this one day at a time.
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Mon Sep 28, 2015 6:03 am

    Thankyou also Kristine for your post. Such wise words, and what I need to hear at the moment! Day 3 today, and the desire to gamble is still strong at the moment. lots of reading the forums and a counselling session on Wednesday. This will get easier
    0 x
    Charlotte (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 384
    Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:53 am

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:25 pm

    Hi SW1,

    so sorry to hear about your recent lapse, but also really pleased you made it back here. It's hard to reach out for help after a lapse, so even though it might not feel like it, you're doing well. be kind to yourself and remind yourself that it's not a linear journey through recovery - sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back. Important thing is to learn from the experience and put things in place to protect yourself from slipping again.

    Keep up the great work.

    All the best,
    Charlotte
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Tue Sep 29, 2015 5:20 am

    Thankyou Charlotte,
    Its hard to understand how the gambling desires have come back so strong after months of not gambling. It is back with a vengeance, its evil. I need to keep posting here and embrace all of the help i can get.
    0 x
    SW1
    Senior Member
    Posts: 157
    Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 7:43 pm

    Re: 100 days challenge number two

    Tue Sep 29, 2015 6:33 am

    Ive forgotten the pain that playing the pokies causes, im filled with thoughts of being able to win i will solve my problems by playing them, this is so frustrating and makes me want to scream out loud. They are the cause of destruction not the solution
    0 x

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