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Day One for Ari
Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2015 3:00 pm
Today will be day one. I have promised myself to get on here every single day and write a post to prove to myself that I am done with gambling. To seek all possible support. I will document my self exclusion, GA meetings and counselling. Two days ago I lost my weeks wage as usual. I had paid my rent but not done any food shopping etc. I figured out that night how I would get more money. So yesterday I make my way to the hock shop and in goes my brand new iphone. Off to the pub I go with the thrilling feelings that I can win back my wage plus the money to get the phone out of hock. 5 or so hours later and out I walk with nothing. And Rather than fooling myself, i should be honest and know that if i had of won anything substantial it would have meant another few hours longer in there anyway.
The thing I also find hard is the safety and escape that i feel in the pokie room. I often try and persuade myself to do something that i enjoy like watching a film or travelling into the city and having a nice lunch. But the pokie room offers me so much more comfort. Maybe it is because i am in the strong grip of full blown addiction at the moment and i can't see past it at the moment. I have isolated so much from family, friends and life over the years that i struggle to be a part of it now.
I will be ringing for an appointment for self exclusion on monday along with the counselling. Hoping i get in asap. I get paid on wednesday and will go and get my iphone out of hock but am really scared of having any money in my possession. Scared **** actually, of ever having money ever again. Scared if all the debts i have to pay and scared of all the family and friends i have ignored.
I wish this website was in an app form where you could easily navigate and post and be in contact with others who need support. A little like a facebook system whilst still maintaining anonymity.
A little all over the place here,but hey it is day one. Walking towards the future where that dark dark cloud will no longer be.
Re: Day One for Ari
Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2015 3:12 pm
Good on you Ari, let us know how you go :)
Re: Day One for Ari
Posted: Mon Apr 13, 2015 10:52 am
Day 3 of no gambling
Lets just be honest, I have not had a chance to gamble. I did have the odd thought that when i get paid i will pay all of my bills and then try again in the pokie room and recover any amount of losses. Instead of continuing those thoughts and dreaming of getting last weeks losses back, I have rung around and booked in my gambling counselling and also self exclusion. The sense of achievement I feel is quite great. It already feels far more rewarding than any money I have ever won gambling. I feel like I have begun to take control. I can also feel the a sense of certainty that any money I get from here on in, will be staying in my wallet and used for the right things.
It feels amazing to know that there are people out there to help gambling addiction and that I wil be able to speak in absolute honesty about the problems gambling has caused me in my life. I am broke, but today is an ok day. What i must realise is that i feel better today than when i have a wallet full of cash and headed to the pub.