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Road to recovery

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2015 6:56 pm
by Keeton
This is the start of my regular diary into my road to recovery. I will stop kidding myself and write about how it is going, the troubles I face, the set backs i may have and generally talk about my gambling.

Starting over today after yet another gambling loss. Spent most of my money today. very angry but still have giftcard so able to buy groceries, thankfully. I'm determined to be rid of the lure of the pokies and recapture the better life I deserve. It won't be easy but everyday I don't gamble will be rewarding.

Been watching clips about gambling addiction and they have helped. Plus using this forum.

My recovery starts today.

Re: Diary

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 12:15 pm
by Charlotte (facilitator)
Hi Keeton,

keeping a diary can be a good way of tracking gambling and noticing urges and impulses. The more you become aware of what's behind the urges, the better you can become at putting strategies in place to deal with them - I think writing is really helpful in this process. And of course sharing your experience with, and learning from others. Thanks for your honesty; keep on going, one day at a time :)

All the best,

Re: Diary

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 5:11 pm
by Keeton
No gambling past two days thankfully. Even though I don't have any money I still experienced an urges today, sort of like the ones i usually get. Constant thinking of going and how to get the money. But after about half an hour it was gone and I realised that that was the first time in months that I have resisted an urges to gamble. It felt good afterwards to know that they do pass and that nothing will happen if you don't give in to them. It's no wonder it's so hard to quit when the urges make you forget that you don't want to gamble. All my focus goes towards trying to gamble and I think of the possibility of winning for that half hour. But hang on, when have I ever won. Never. In the long term (4 years) I have wasted thousands on dollars on a machine that lures me into thinking I can walk away with money, when in fact I may win but keep playing hoping I can win some more and then wallet empty again.

I made a rewards table for myself today to track my progress towards not gambling for 1 month. Every 7 days I am going to reward myself for not gambling because that is a far better thing to look forward to then playing pokies. so that means that it is Day 2; 5 more to go till reward (1st one is a movie).

this diary helps also so I will keep it up.

All the best to everyone


Re: Diary

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:36 pm
by Keeton
day 1 starts again. Had relapse today. Spent wages. Very angry and depressed. at least I won't gamble the rest of the week. I did the math and I spend about $50 a day so I am going to tally how much I save by not gambling because that is the real winning not on a machine.

Re: Diary

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:56 pm
by Aaron
Hi Keeton, I'm new to the forum but just wanted to say its great that you are straight back on here. From what I've seen so far, regular posting is a good weapon in our fight against this affliction. All the best for the rest of the week.

Re: Check in

Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:49 pm
by Keeton
hey Aaron

yeah it's good to let it out. gambling is just pushed to the corner so it's good to talk about it. Everyone on here is very supportive. it's great to know that others understand what I am going through. It's time to get my life back.

Re: Check in

Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:37 pm
by Keeton
Day 2- no gambling

feeling a bit better today because I didn't gamble. Sort of relieved in a way. I don't enjoy losing money but i'm an addict so I can't stop. I've learned through experience that I cannot bet at all, not even once because it sends me off again and those highs come back and I can't walk away until I have no money left or I win ( which rarely happens) and put it back in next day.

I've decided that every time I post I will say something I am grateful for today. Today i am grateful for my loving parents.

$50 saved today by not gambling.

Re: Check in

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 9:25 am
by Neve [admin]
Hi Keeton
Good to hear you were feeling a bit better yesterday - every day not gambling is something to be proud of and you are doing well at focusing on those positives (I noticed your other post where you listed the positives of giving up :) ).
Reading through some of your previous posts I was just thinking, you mentioned how someone was looking after your keycard to restrict your access to money. How is that going? Maybe further restricting your access to cash could help? e.g. only keep a certain amount of cash on you or reducing the daily limit on withdrawals...
Lovely idea you had about posting what you are grateful for, I think we can all benefit from a little gratitude each day :)
Hoping today is a good day for you too.

Re: Check in

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:40 pm
by Keeton
Another day has passed and no gambling still. It feels great to not lose any money and get those feeling of regret and guilt from gambling. Being enjoying others things that give me 'escape' so they say such as games and reading and exercise. they are much better than playing pokies.

thinking of new strategies to put in next time such as a reminder on my ipod to not gamble and also have reasons why not to gamble in my wallet where the money will end up. My relapses I think have given me insight into what doesn't work and what to do next time i'm in that situation. My first action will be to ring the helpline when I get an urge when I have money. I will also only carry limited money everywhere I go so I don't feel tempted to gamble it.

Day 2- $100 saved so far

today I am grateful I didn't spend any money on gambling

Re: Check in

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:52 pm
by Keeton
No gambling today. feel great that I can enjoy things and not worry about my next gamble. It seems I need to focus on the better things in life, not sitting pushing a button hoping it will give me money for doing it. I guess it's hard to let go of that urge to win because i have had it for so long now. But it is time to accept that I cannot make money off a machine programmed to come out in front. If I want to win in the long term I have to not gamble the money. It's as simple as that. I will have more money if it is in the bank earning interest than risking it all for nothing in return.

I know I could of have a lot more money if I hadn't gambled but I can't change the past. All i can focus on is what I do now and what I am going to do next time. It just seems hard to think of not gambling because it has become part of everyday life. It cannot continue because it is destroying my life and my future. I don't want to end up with debt so I need to quit for good before it gets worse.

Day 3- $150 saved

Today I am grateful for my loving pets that give me unconditional love

All the best,