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Re: Check in

Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 2:39 pm
by Keeton
It's Saturday today and I still have some money left from my pay which is great. I did have a bust on thursday but I had some in an online savings account which was good. Just thinking about it I have learned that I can't even play them for fun anymore. My mind tricked me into thinking that I could control it but every time I give in I lose whatever money I have access to. On the plus side this was a venue that was half an hour away so it isn't in close easy access i go there for my rowing. I went there early so I could gamble which is stupid now I look at it, well now I know I can't do that next time and If I get those urges again I will ring the helpline instead. I I haven't gambled at the venues I excluded from though which is great.

each week gets better as I move forward. This week I actually bought groceries with my money and bought fuel. I was even able to buy some internet credit which is awesome. It is amazing how much we can get when we don't gamble it. That $50 note can buy a lot of things in reality but when gambled only goes into a machine with nothing in return.

I didn't gamble today and yesterday which feels great. I don't want those feelings of regret and sadness anymore. It has been a rollarcoaster but I am determined to stop.

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Wed May 13, 2015 6:56 pm
by Keeton
its been a bit over a month since my last post. I'm still trying to quit but it is really hard to not go back to bad ways. I stopped gambling for nearly a month but got caught off guard and went back to the pokies. I keep thinking that I can control when in actual fact I will never be able to because I am addicted to the high.

I made it past payday this week and actually bought things such as fuel and food with my money.

I had a relapse today because I finished work early and gave in to the urge to gamble thinking that i won't lose and if I win i will take it away. All that happens is I end up betting big and losing it all. I just cannot gamble at all. i wish that could sink into my brain already but it will take some trial and error to find what works.

I will not give up! I have had enough and there is nothing to achieve by going back to the pokies again.

This has just made me realised that I can do this I just need to put in lots of determination and control into not gambling because I am the only one who can stop.

tomorrow is a new day

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 4:24 pm
by GameChanger (facilitator)
Hi Keeton, and well done for getting through a month without gambling, an achievement you should be proud of. I happened to pass by your first post on here last year and can't help but comment on the amazing progress you've made since then. it is incredibly frustrating every time you relapse, but I'm wondering if you also discover new insights, learn new things about yourself in the process, that help you manage the urges to gamble for longer and longer. You've managed a month last time, perhaps this time it'll be even longer. Keep up the great work!

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 7:08 pm
by Keeton
thanks for your comment. it help a lot. Having an addiction is just so lonely because my family and other people just don't understand what I am going through so it is good that there are others who understand that It is not as simple as not doing it. It takes a lot of effort and determination to not gamble but it can be rewarding when I get past a trigger day such as payday.

Anyway no gambling today (mainly because i don't have money) but I have come out stronger from the relapse and and even more focused on quitting.

it's just annoying when I get out of the gambling haze from yesterday and come back to reality and realise what a setback it was and that I need to beat this because there is nothing to go back to if I gamble, only disappointment and anger. The pokies have controlled me long enough it is time I control myself and not gamble.

Next week will be better i'm certain of it. I'm not going back to gambling. no positives about it.

til another day


Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 10:07 pm
by Dave68
Keep at it Keeton, i agree for me the big thing to overcome was the sort of machine-generated high and excitement about getting the feature and in my case the temples or buffaloes in the main games i was always playing. Even now, after over 13 months of not playing pokies, i still get feelings where i sort of wish i could go back to the old days of being at the casino..

Until of course i look at myself now, at age 47, working 60+ hours a week just trying to paddle with my nose above water with $70k of debts and a mortgage on a house that is eschewing any sort of capital growth. Gambling took me to where i am, and i know, just have completely told my inner self that those bloody machines just have done their darndest to ruin me. Not a cent more will i give them, the government and the venues who for years were the recipients of my gambling largesse. I still am angry at myself for gambling for so long (15 years on pokies), and not realising the damage i was doing to myself in this time.

Undoing the damage is going to be almost a miracle, if it can be done at all, but at least this anger has helped me stay away this long. Hopefully others though don't need to gamble this long to see the harm it does to you. It's costing myself three ways i reckon....the money i owe, the money i am forgoing which other regular people at my age would be accumulating wealth with, and also virtually ending any real dreams or hopes of anything more than a pretty frugal existence. Holidays, new cars, any good stuff, forget about it. The pokies steal that from sells hope and excitement, but only delivers pain and poverty.

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Thu May 21, 2015 9:08 pm
by Keeton
You sure are right Dave68, they take everything from us. that's why I am trying to quit now before it gets worse. Your support is great inspiration thankyou.

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Thu May 21, 2015 9:12 pm
by Keeton
Well it's thursday and I still have money. It's amazing. I got paid on Monday and got a strong urge to gamble but I grabbed out my phone and finally rang the helpline. It worked. the urge went away and I still had my money. I went straight home and enjoyed myself. It felt great to not give in and get those feelings of regret again. I have found I am becoming stronger at resisting urges and dealing with the thoughts that I get to go and gamble. I just remember all the trouble it has caused and that there is no future in gambling. I'm hoping to end the week without losing any money and keep posting on here so i can let it all out

Today I am grateful for this forum as i would be lost without it

All the best to everyone.

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Fri May 22, 2015 10:03 am
by Neve [admin]
That's so great to hear Keeton. I'm glad you called the helpline when you were experiencing urges, do feel free to call again if you ever need to - that's what it is there for :) and i'm glad this forum helps too - hope you have a great weekend.

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Fri May 22, 2015 7:00 pm
by Keeton
well another day gone and I haven't lost any money today. I had a little urge but I kept myself busy and it went away.

It's incredible to realise how much value money has when I don't gamble it. The possibilities of currency are endless and whatever I choose to buy is worth it because I am getting something in return instead of wasting it on a worthless machine. It does get easier as the days go by but i have to watch out for strong urges to occur again because It is an addiction and my mind will try to trick me into going to have a bet again. It feels like it's been ages but it's only been a weeek. LOL.

Hoping to end this week still having money. That will be a big achievement for me as I usually having nothing left week by week.

Re: Road to recovery

Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 12:42 pm
by AnnaB (facilitator)
Hey Keeton, sounds like a strong week for you.....not giving into urges is great and knowing that everytime you don't gamble you are sending a clear msg to your brain that it doesnt need to gamble any more. Nice work :) .

How's the weekend treating you?