Day 1 - No more Denial

[Amethyst29]

Hi, today is a scary & overwhelming day for me. I have been gambling for close to 10 years now, I guess always believing that I am in control or trying to make myself believe it is the only way to get out of the financial mess I’ve got myself in.
My addiction started with pokies when I played one for the very first time I won a jackpot, and from there it began. In 2021 with help from my Mum, I self excluded from all pokies in my state and that has been the best thing I did.
I then found myself turning to Sportsbet and horse/dog racing where gambling completely took over my life all over again. After months & months of chasing losses, winning then losing it all, borrowing money to gamble, being stressed about money & then not gambling for a couple of months and beginning to feel happy again it all just got too much to cope with.
Today with the help & support of my partner I have self excluded for 1 year from all betting apps that I would be the most likely to use. It took a lot of strength to do because I truly did not want to admit I have a problem and the thought of not gambling again was impossible.
I am broke & in debt, but I am taking this one step at a time to get my life back. I truly am grateful to have stumbled across this site, and have already read through a lot of peoples stories which are inspiring and also bring up a lot of pain for me.
If I could describe my feelings tonight they would be raw, sad & empty. I wish to look back on this day and be proud of myself but I know I have a long hard road ahead.

[Pikachu]

Hi @Amethyst29 ,
Welcome to the Forums~ Thank you for sharing your story with us and well done on reaching our for help! Glade you find some inspiring stories around the forum.

It's good to hear your partner and your mother have been supportive. Just focus on what your want to achieve and what kind of beautiful life you could have, one day at a time and you will get there. Don't hesitate to ask if you need help with anything. You can @ myself or @Printemps and we will try our best to help.

[Amethyst29]

Thank you so much @Pikachu , today felt very long. But I did it.
I have some positive things happening at work for me so I am focusing all of my energy on that this week.
One day at a time. I will continue coming on here daily, fantastic place for support and I am super grateful.

[John933]

Hi all!
I have a similar situation, but no one close to me. How do you fight addiction?

[Andy]

@John933

Gday mate, simply put. You’ve gotta want to make the change. I still am fighting the addiction regularly and miss gambling to an extent but know what’s at stake and what’s good for me. Any sporting code I watch there’s still temptation. 70 days gambling free

[Daphne]

@John you're making a start here and as @Andy said there's still the temptation. I wonder if it's helpful to think about what you can now add to your life, rather than focusing on missing gambling. Keep showing up and connecting with others.

[smokey86]

Hi @Amethyst29

I've only just seen this post and wanted to check in to see how you're going?

I'm currently on day 8 and still early days.

As my 1 week reward to myself yesterday, I went an bought a new Xbox game (I don't normally play but I figured I need some more distraction to keep my mind busy)

It was actually good playing something and still feeling that reward without actually wasting hundreds of dollars and knowing that I shouldn't feel "guilty" for spending said money.

I've also recently bought myself a That's Life magazine to do the puzzles and been focusing on cleaning the house etc.

I hope you are doing well.

[Amethyst29]

Hi @smokey86
It’s been almost 5 months since I have checked back in here. As usually happens, I thought I was strong enough to tackle it on my own but found a way to gamble again and have found myself back at Day 1 all over again
I have a love for horses and genuinely love the horse races, but have realised that I need to put aside that love even just for now while I tackle my addiction.
I had some big wins over the weekend, then lost it all. I am feeling the same sad, empty feeling I have come to know too well all over again.
I am lucky as I have a supportive partner & mother who are willing to help me get through this.
I come on here to talk to others who I feel truly understand how I am feeling, because as much as those closest to me want to help they can never understand what it feels like.
I hope it’s okay I’ve replied and I truly hope you’re doing well, hope you can reply. Thank you for your words of advice, I am joining a social netball club and going to start going to the gym again as my main focuses for now.
I’ve got my boxing gloves ready and I think this time I am finally ready to commit to beating this.

[Printemps]

@Amethyst29 I'm sorry to hear about this weekend. It is painful, feeling in control and then having the rug pulled out from under us. But it does sound like you've done a good bit of reflection and recognise that you need to have that separation from the races all together. It won't be easy but in the long term it will make the world of difference.

It's fantastic t hear that you've got that support from your mum and partner! It does make the world of difference having that support! Joining the netball team is also a great call! Having that social connection and activity can really help work through and over come urges!

Let us know how you're travelling today!


and @smokey86 love to hear from you

[Amethyst29]

@Printemps
Thank you for your response, I checked it after work and cried but also felt grateful I have this space to come to. It’s really helping as I feel like talking to someone face to face is too much right now.
I’m feeling a little better today.
I’ve set myself some goals and just need to be confident in myself that I can do it for myself.
Thank you once again for your support.
I honestly feel heard, and supported and it’s incredibly appreciated.