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i never learn my lesson

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2021 7:47 am
by Donna78
basically just here to vent.
i'm feeling very low about myself today. since covid hit i have gone through thousands l. I have paid all my bills but left nothing for anything else and have 4000 debt in my partners name which i feel terrible about. He tries to be supportive but doesn't really understand my addiction & will lend me money to gamble if i have a strong urge. He is too soft with me. i feel sick in the stomach. last night i won 1300 then put it straight back through and walked out 800 down. i had 600 left in my account and it took everything within me to not put that in and walk out. I'm so so ashamed of myself. i really hope next year is better as my gambling has really reached a point where i'm totally out of control. I just never learn my lesson. Does anyone journal there feelings here? when is the best time of the day to do it. I really don't know why i gamble over and over & thought this might help me.

Re: i never learn my lesson

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2021 2:01 pm
by massivegamblor
Hi Donna78

Seems to me even though you lost, you did learn some sort of lesson. That is you managed to not gamble the 600 in your account and also you made an effort to type your story here.

I also was out of control and never learnt my lesson. My strategy was to start betting small lose it all, increase my bets lose it all, pull out the last 600 that was meant for something else, lose it all. Something like that anyways. I totally understand the icky feeling and shame feeling.

Gambling sucks.

I think a journal could be a good idea, and you can just do it anytime you like. and as often or as little as you like.

You may also want to consider the 100 day challenge. I recently started and its helping.

Funny about your partner: "he is too soft with me", this gave me a good laugh. I'm not sure what to say about that though, maybe you have to be harder on yourself instead of him. Still pretty funny though.

All the best with whatever you are trying to achieve even if it is just venting.

Massivegamblor.

Re: i never learn my lesson

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2021 4:02 pm
by Donna78
haha yes I need to be harder on myself before going lol afterwards OMG the feelings of shame and guilt make me sick to my stomach. It really does make me feel crazy. I think i just want to have a good run and i will be happy if i get run and win. I think i can relax now and play without guilt then before i know it my winning plus more is gone. I just keep chasing the winning feeling. i started to journal today and i'm feeling more positive this afternoon. I really want to do it this time but a keep getting flashbacks of how great a feel when i win big but then i remember how awful i feel afterwards. I have to keep thinking how i feel when i lose instead of when i win.
thank you for your support i will def do the 100 day challenge. i need to retrain my brain again to a better way of thinking.

Re: i never learn my lesson

Posted: Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:59 am
by Steadly
I do the exact same thing ever week so depressed