Welcome to our online peer support community - A supportive place for anyone making change in their gambling, as well as concerned friends and family.
  • Connect, be inspired, motivate others. Share your experience & strategies.
  • Safe. Anonymous. Professionally monitored. Free of judgement.

    To join the discussion, sign up today.
    Join us Tuesdays at 8pm - 10pm AEST for Chatty Tuesday.
  • Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    How the F did I get here
    Senior Member
    Posts: 380
    Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2018 11:05 pm

    Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:13 am

    How does one become happy within themselves?
    Just feel like I've been at war with myself most of my adult life. And a fair time of teen years.
    20 years on and off of gambling addiction.
    Struggles in the past with recreational drug use.
    25 years of body issues, which have got progressively worse as I've gotten older.
    Disordered eating bordering on addiction, because I'm actually always thinking of food, I eat/binge to make myself feel good.
    I just don't know how to stay happy.

    After a few extra bad years with gambling where I was in a bottomless pit of hell and literally lost my soul, I have managed to save a sizeable amount of money again but yet it doesn't make me any happier. I guess cos money seems meaningless to me now with the amount I've put through.

    The last time I played was literally a week before lock down, I really don't want to go back to it once lock down lifts, I really don't, I hope I can stay on this path.

    I've led a double life the past 20 years, people who know me would be in disbelief to know I've had a gambling addiction 20 years, or that I was a drug user or that I struggle so bad with food and body issues.

    I really don't have friends. Well I have "friends", you know the fb type friends but no real friends if you know what I mean.

    I have family that love me but I still feel I guess lonely, sad and then I get more sad at how much of my life I've spent sad and hating myself.
    Just want to be happy!
    And btw I have a beautiful daughter so it makes me feel even more **** that I can't pull myself together!

    Just seems I've always used things gambling/drugs/food to make me feel good.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1860
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Sun Apr 26, 2020 6:02 pm

    I really understand what you are saying.Having an addiction is soul destroying.
    However..have you considered counselling?
    I know many people scoff at it..but my experience with it has been so beneficial.
    I haven't always had a report with a counselor. But I tried different ones and the one I see now has taught me how to feel good about myself.
    You are lucky that you have a family and a daughter who love you.
    Feeling "happy " is achievable but it also takes hard work.
    Don't give up but feel blessed for what you have.
    Stay gamble free and enjoy the freedom
    1 x
    AGHS
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:43 am

    Re: Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Mon Apr 27, 2020 11:17 am

    Dare to be happy, don't shy away

    Reach out and capture the joy of the day

    Life is for living, give it a try

    Open your heart to the sun in the sky.

    Dare to be loving and trusting and true

    Treasure the hours with those dear to you.

    Dare to be kind. It's more than you know.

    Give joy to others and watch your own grow.
    2 x
    gzy3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 106
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Mon Apr 27, 2020 11:51 am

    Beautiful poem, @AGHS ! I like it.
    How has your gambling been travelling recently?
    0 x
    AGHS
    Member
    Posts: 36
    Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:43 am

    Re: Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Mon Apr 27, 2020 12:22 pm

    Thankyou gzy3, I thought the poem was beautiful also. It was actually written about 100 years ago by a wife whom had lost her husband during the Spanish Flu pandemic leaving her with three children and another on the way.
    In regard to my gambling travels, I am glad to say I have not gambled or even thought about it for may years now. I now use my past experiences in helping others that may be experiencing gambling harm.
    1 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1860
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Mon Apr 27, 2020 12:42 pm

    That's a great poem
    0 x
    gzy3
    Senior Member
    Posts: 106
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: Don't know if I'll ever be happy.

    Mon Apr 27, 2020 12:57 pm

    I am sure that was very sad for her to lose her husband.
    I am glad you are happy and in a better position not gambling for many years.
    Your support to members on this forum is much appreciated, thank you @AGHS , and always @pamela
    0 x

    Return to “Change Makers”