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  • How to get over the anger and regret?

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1878
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:18 pm

    Hi ,i really understand how you feel.While you continue to have this battle in your head ,its very hard to think clearly.
    You need to stop thinking about what could have been and what you could have won.or might win or could win.
    To move forward,and you have,38 days is fantastic,you need to let the urges wash over you and try and focus on the positives.
    You have set yourself goals,and thats great.
    Try not to focus on what you have won in the past,but all you have lost..
    I have found one of the best things to do when an unwanted thought enters my head,or an urge,is to find 5 things to touch,5 things to smell.5 things outside and 5 things inside
    It might sound funny,but if you start concentrating on something else those thoughts leave
    Acknowledge them,let them sit there,then let them go
    Don't give in,keep up the good fight,you can do this
    2 x
    Bluetack2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:14 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Fri Aug 14, 2020 2:20 pm

    pamela wrote:
    Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:18 pm
    Hi ,i really understand how you feel.While you continue to have this battle in your head ,its very hard to think clearly.
    You need to stop thinking about what could have been and what you could have won.or might win or could win.
    To move forward,and you have,38 days is fantastic,you need to let the urges wash over you and try and focus on the positives.
    You have set yourself goals,and thats great.
    Try not to focus on what you have won in the past,but all you have lost..
    I have found one of the best things to do when an unwanted thought enters my head,or an urge,is to find 5 things to touch,5 things to smell.5 things outside and 5 things inside
    It might sound funny,but if you start concentrating on something else those thoughts leave
    Acknowledge them,let them sit there,then let them go
    Don't give in,keep up the good fight,you can do this
    Thanks Pamela. Appreciate it. I’ll try that
    2 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1878
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Fri Aug 14, 2020 4:00 pm

    Great ,it really does work as it brings you back to the present
    2 x
    Bluetack2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:14 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Sep 01, 2020 2:40 pm

    For *****’s sake. $5000 gone last week, $4000 gone today including $750 I took out of super. 1st day of the month and I’ve blown every cent to my name. Nothing coming in for a month, no savings at all AGAIN. I went 45 days without gambling and then thought I could do one big bet and win back most of what I lost last time. Then I just wanted to get back what I lost doing that. I’m ***** shattered. Seeing a gambling counsellor did nothing to help, didn’t get any useful advice on the helpline. It sounds dumb but I just wanted to get to $10,000 and then I thought I’d be “happy”. If I hadn’t gambled I would have had $10,000 next month. Instead I have nothing. I’m in an even worse situation than this time last year when I blew $25,000 and had nothing. How have I not learned or progressed AT ALL in a year??? I’ve ***** tried. No house deposit, no holidays - I’ve spent all this time busting my *** at work for absolutely ***** NOTHING. I hate myself and I’ve got no motivation to talk to seek further help because I’ve got no money now so what’s the use?!? I don’t want to go to work for the rest of this month knowing I have no money and my hard work has once again gone to waste. I don’t know what to do. And I know I shouldn’t but the cycle will probably just repeat next month because a few thousand dollars won’t seem like much compared to what I should’ve had if I didn’t gamble and I’ll convince myself that one bet is all it’ll take
    1 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 561
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Sep 01, 2020 3:09 pm

    Hi @Bluetack2
    I'm sorry to hear that things are tough for you at the moment. Its always hard when we fall back into those gambling traps of 'just one bet' or thinking of the losses we can try to win back. As you know already thats a tactic gambling companies use to reel people back into it. I understand that you may be feeling discouraged at this present time, with breaking any habit sometimes it takes a bit of back and forth to eventually reach that point where we cut it out for good. Have a read through some of your previous posts in this thread to remind you what worked and what didn't and tips from other members along the way.

    What do you think you can do next time to help prevent a lapse in the future?
    What can you do to look after yourself at this present moment?

    Any members have words of support/advice for Bluetack2 during this time?
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1878
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Wed Sep 02, 2020 12:43 am

    I understand your frustrations Bluetack.but chasing your wins isn't the answer.
    I'm sorry counselling didn't work,maybe you can try it again.Sometimes you have to "shop around" for the right one,I did.
    When you get an urge to gamble,what do you do?
    Is it to go straight to a venue?
    Thats when you really need to rein your thoughts in to shift that urge,I have found by focusing on 5 things you can see outside,5 things you can see inside.and 5 things you can smell,actually helps you to bring your mind back to the present.
    It might be worth a try
    The trick is retraining our brain
    You can do this..fight the good fight
    2 x
    redv2010
    Junior Member
    Posts: 2
    Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2020 10:24 am

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Fri Sep 04, 2020 1:24 pm

    Hi there, I'm new to this forum and an relate to this post a lot. Since COVID I've saved $10 000 three times and blown it all 3 times. $30 000 down the drain in a matter of minutes through online gambling. I'm left to pick up the pieces and wonder how I keep doing it and having $0.00 to my name again until payday. I'm constantly in a state of having no money because of gambling binges. It really is soul crushing once the moneys gone and the WTF did I just do thoughts kick in. I agree with others who have commented, it's best not to dwell and look back although it's impossible not to. I'm resigned to the fact I just can't save money and anytime I do have it disapears. I understand what your going through and just gotta take it a day at a time, which is easier said then done. Especially when we think what I could of done that was worthwhile with all that money. My family doesn't know about my gambling binges, I'm to scared to mention it because I can imagine the reaction I'd get. I was glad to find this site and post just to know I'm not alone and there are others who are struggling like me that I can share thoughts with freely. Hope you can get back on your feet mate and put your best foot forward.
    1 x
    Wenna (facilitator)
    Member
    Posts: 47
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:02 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Fri Sep 04, 2020 2:23 pm

    Hi Redv210,

    Welcome to the forum, it takes a lot of courage to share your story and I hope this forum can be a support for you as well as a place for you to share freely.

    I am wonder if there are any strategies other members would like to share which they have found useful to help minimizing losses with online gambling?

    Good to see you engaging on this forum.

    All the best

    Wenna
    Moderator
    0 x
    Bluetack2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:14 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:14 pm

    redv2010 wrote:
    Fri Sep 04, 2020 1:24 pm
    Hi there, I'm new to this forum and an relate to this post a lot. Since COVID I've saved $10 000 three times and blown it all 3 times. $30 000 down the drain in a matter of minutes through online gambling. I'm left to pick up the pieces and wonder how I keep doing it and having $0.00 to my name again until payday. I'm constantly in a state of having no money because of gambling binges. It really is soul crushing once the moneys gone and the WTF did I just do thoughts kick in. I agree with others who have commented, it's best not to dwell and look back although it's impossible not to. I'm resigned to the fact I just can't save money and anytime I do have it disapears. I understand what your going through and just gotta take it a day at a time, which is easier said then done. Especially when we think what I could of done that was worthwhile with all that money. My family doesn't know about my gambling binges, I'm to scared to mention it because I can imagine the reaction I'd get. I was glad to find this site and post just to know I'm not alone and there are others who are struggling like me that I can share thoughts with freely. Hope you can get back on your feet mate and put your best foot forward.

    Thanks for sharing mate - hope things have improved for you. It’s a tough situation to be in, but if you were able to save $10k three times over then I’m sure you have the strength to do it again and stick at it. The pain of losing everything and waking up with $0 is unlike anything else, but things can also turn around quickly with the right attitude. It depends what type of punting you’re into, but I’ve self excluded or limited myself from almost online every bookie including ones that have just started up. That way even if I lose money I can’t completely wipe myself out financially. If racing/sports betting online is your vice then it could pay to open as many bookie accounts as possible and exclude yourself so you can never use them.

    All the best legend - and go the dragons!
    0 x
    Bluetack2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 17
    Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:14 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:39 pm

    Hi guys. September was a massive struggle and a huge eye-opener for me, living on nothing and not being able to do stuff with my friends because I’d punted away all my money. Such a **** feeling.

    I’ve been incredibly, incredibly stupid and lucky this month. Please note - the following is NOT intended to glorify gambling in ANY way, in fact it’s meant to highlight just how destructive it is mentally at all times.

    I told myself I would keep to small bets to enjoy the spring racing carnival and stay in control while working to build my savings again. I never wanted to put myself through what happened last month again.

    Of course a few wins occurred, I felt good and “lucky” once more, and long story short I’ve managed to recover all my losses from the past few months. Again please note - I am not writing this to brag or to say gambling is ever the answer. I’m back posting on this site because even though I’ve won recently, I’ve seen how detrimental it’s been for my health.

    I very easily could have lost everything again and I would have been absolutely, totally shattered. At one point - after I’d won a chunk of money back - I lost $10, went chasing that and half an hour later I’d bet $7000 on a random English horse race at 1 in the morning. Incredibly dumb and risky behaviour. Those that love me say they’re always worried I’ll blow my money again.

    I’ve noticed that I cannot stomach losing even $5. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve won - I need to finish ahead for that particular gambling session and I won’t stop until I have. I love my racing but I feel a bit disgusted with myself when I’m doing this. The addiction takes over my interest in the sport at that point. I spent most of my day on Monday chasing losses instead of working and although it paid off I felt like utter ****.

    My mood changes when I lose as little (relative to my other losses) $50 or $100 - even if that was purely profit from gambling. I go from being extremely happy to majorly irritable, antisocial and depressed. I don’t like who I am when I lose.

    Anyway, to wind this up, I’ve been gifted a second (third? Fourth? 20th?) chance but I know I am teetering on collapse. I’ve had a few stunning winning periods before, including earlier this year, and they have all ended in tears and my bank account being empty. I know this all or nothing gambling approach is not sustainable and eventually I’ll lose it all.


    I am determined to avoid that this time. I have limited or banned myself on almost every bookie, so I’d have to try really hard to find a way around that, but I’ve done so in the past and new ones keep popping up. I’ll often scour the web for a new bookmaker when I’ve done my arse and can’t bet with any of my limited accounts. I’ve always found a way so far.

    I know the easiest answer would be to try to go cold turkey again, but I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough to stick to an allotted amount for betting per week and if I lose then THAT’S IT. And as I’ve said I do genuinely love racing and I love being enthusiastic, reading articles, watching shows and talking with mates about it. Even when I had broke last month I would watch every Saturday. But when I have money I can’t resist the temptation not to have even a small bet.

    Does anyone have strategies for not chasing losses - any cues to remember the pain of being broke when that overpowering sensation to risk it all occurs? How do I refrain when that feeling comes over me and I’m already angry with myself for losing money and want to fix it immediately?

    I have seen a select few people say they’ve been able to revert to being a “recreational” punter. Is it really possible or am I setting myself up to fail by thinking that’s the case?

    I keep treating gambling as a means of making money (having lost so much, I get excited about every decent “win” boosting my savings. Which is so dumb considering I usually withdraw some in a few days when I need to chase losses.)

    Thanks for reading. Apologies for the long post - I think I needed to get all these thoughts out to really understand and track my behaviour. And again - GAMBLING IS NOT THE ANSWER. I have pissed away more than $100,000 overall by now and the vicious cycle of being ecstatic when winning and inconsolable when inevitably losing will repeat unless I change.
    0 x

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