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Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2020 6:23 am
by Mona58
Hi bluetack2

Don't apologise for the "long message", take comfort in knowing YOU are helping many people. It is therapeutic to unload as you say. Its an emotional rollercoaster those first few months. Understanding , knowing and embracing them will help you push through.

Keep posting it is YOUR space !

All the best on your journey to a gamble free living!

Mona

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2020 11:18 am
by pamela
Good on you for making a solid effort.
Each day you dont gamble is a win,and in all honesty,I don't believe recreational gambling is a solution,because to me,it will only take one big win to get that adrenalin pumping again and then the cycle starts again
Sure,its tough watching mates do something you want to ,but look at the bigger picture.
Would you rather watch mates gamble and feel like you have lost something, or would you rather watch people around you build their lives ,make a family, financial security?
I though that gambling was my life,I lived for it,but it turns out ,life passed me by.
I watched people have a life,go on holidays ,build homes,while I sat mindlessly feeding a machine.
Till I realised what I was missing out on.
Was it tough?
Of course
But,once I made the decision to stop,everyday became easier..I fought battles in my head,but common sense won ..it took awhile but I got there and you can to.
There are way more pleasures in life than gambling find some that you like and embrace them

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2020 10:48 pm
by JinxyWolf
Hi BluTack2,

I think that for the vast majority of people with gambling addiction, gambling in moderation is not possible. I know for me it had to be cold turkey, there was no two ways about it. I couldn't gamble without loosing control or being sucked back in once again. I know it is hard to give up something you feel you enjoy. For me giving up gambling was like saying goodbye to an old friend. I'd been gambling since I was 18 and I was 34 when I finally gave it the boot. I found it extremely difficult to say goodbye, Gambling was my safe space, my place to hide when my life got crazy. But I decided that this "old friend" that I relied on so much was doing more harm than good. So I said goodbye and haven't regretted it for a second. Best decision of my life.

You deserve to be free and not have gambling be the driving force in your life. You can do this.

Be well and Stay Strong.

JinxyWolf

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2020 10:31 pm
by Bluetack2
Little update. 10 days without gambling now and haven’t had any major urges yet. As long as I’m busy it doesn’t seem to be a problem at all. That kind of makes it more frustrating and confusing that I lost so much money, but I suppose I’ve learned that as long as I don’t start then I won’t go down the spiral of chasing losses. Can’t change the past.

The challenge will be when I’m not working or I’m bored at home but I’m confident I’ll be able to get through it. There’s a sense of pride in not gambling when others are at the pub too.

I’ve moved the remainder of my savings to a new bank account which has gambling blocks on the linked debit card, makes it a bit harder to use as I can’t transfer the whole amount instantly.

Also saw a counsellor face-to-face earlier this week which helps with the motivation side of things.

Keen to knock over the 100 day challenge now and reassess my situation after that. Definitely feels better being off the rollercoaster at the moment and not having to worry about chasing losses

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2020 6:44 am
by Mona58
Hi

"There’s a sense of pride in not gambling..."

Love that comment!

Well done! 10 days is great!

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2020 10:52 am
by Calvin (facilitator)
Welldone @Bluetack2 !! Even though it may feel difficult, I'm loving the determination that you have! Quitting any type of habit is hard. Remind yourself of those hurt emotions that you felt after gambling next time you feel tempted to gamble. Sometimes that can be enough to stop you in your tracks.
Already by reading all your posts, I can already see some major progress! Keep up the great work!

Its also wonderful to hear everyone responding with such useful insight and support! :D

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2020 8:06 am
by pamela
well done Bluetack..you are taking very definite steps in the right direction.
Keep feeling determined ,take it one day at a time .

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2020 2:13 pm
by Bluetack2
A handful of days short of a month without gambling now which is great. I feel a lot better about things after being paid again and boosting my savings a bit. It’s a bit of a double edged sword because as the regret and anger of my losses subsides, I’m beginning to get some urges to have a small bet on the races again. But I made a commitment to doing 100 days without gambling so I’m determined to stick to that, plus I’d have to go out of my way to open a new account (there aren’t many left) or gamble at a pub. One of my friends won more than a grand today and another was winning when we were at the pub the other night, but I’m glad I decided to stick strong.

I’m beginning to realise it’s not just the actual sport of horse racing I miss. Even though it’s extremely stressful, I kind of miss the rush and nervousness of placing a huge bet and waiting for the outcome. Obviously that feeling is always outweighed by the anger and sorrow when money is inevitably lost though.

I still don’t have any gambling apps or the TAB app on my phone, been trying not to check results, but catching a glimpse of the races gets me thinking about gambling. I guess it comes back to urge surfing and that’s why I’m posting here instead of giving in!

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2020 3:19 pm
by gzy3
Hi @Bluetack2 ,

Good on you that you are aware of the little urges you've been experiencing and you are trying to riding out it by putting your determination on here.

I have noticed your strengths and commitment that you are adamant sticking to your goal of achieving 100 gambling free days, no matter what win stories you hear from your friends and no matter how appealing to you to have a glimpse of races.

Remember how hard it was for you to go through the spiral of chasing losses and imagine where you would like to be at in your life without any gambling concern.

Also don't forget to acknowledge your everyday effort and achievement. One at a time and you are in the right direction!

Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 11:45 am
by Bluetack2
Thanks for the encouragement. Another update - now 38 days down and I’m still having urges to chuck the 5 grand that I’ve saved since my last blowout on a horse at short odds to win back some of the money I’ve lost.

As I type it I know it’s stupid - there’s been plenty of times that I’ve lost huge amounts on short odds horses - even just to place. And I think the fear of having nothing again and being forced to start over has stopped me, as well as not wanting to undo my 38 days when I’ve committed to 100.

But that thought is still there. It doesn’t help when you come across big wins on social media even when you’re doing your best to avoid that content.

The strange thing for me is I’ve lost well over $50,000 I’d estimate including $18,000 earlier this year and $25,000 last year in single sessions. But I found it easier to get over that than losing 10 grand last month. Maybe because last time I was really unlucky and copped a bad beat that would’ve got my money back. So instead of moving on and accepting my stupidity, perhaps deep down I feel like I deserved to win and next time I will? I’m not sure.

As I said my ultimate goal is buying a house which is at least a year or two away, so getting that 10 grand back won’t make that much of a difference to that goal really, but it keeps gnawing at me.

Reiterating the positives to myself (this is like a diary haha) - I paid the remaining 12 grand off my car before blowing my savings last time, so apart from student loans I have no debt. And I’ve worked out that starting from when COVID hit, if I had just saved all my income and then paid off the car I’d still be in a similar position, so I only really lost money I’d won. Still hurts!!!

To wrap up this long post, I’ve been seeing a gambling counsellor but they don’t have lived experience so I don’t think it’s helping me much. And I’ve called the gambling helpline before, told them I was thinking of betting a few grand on one race to win back money and they said “why don’t you do it then?” They obviously outlined it was a terrible idea but saying that didn’t help me. I think they were trying to express that if I wanted to do that then I didn’t really want to change. I didn’t do it, so maybe it worked, but it didn’t feel like I’d received any real guidance