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  • How to get over the anger and regret?

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Bluetack2
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:14 pm

    How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:28 pm

    Hi guys, new here.

    I’m early 20s and have gambled away my savings twice in the last six months - almost 50 grand in total. That’s not counting other bets at the pub or in previous years. I’d hate to know the real figure.

    I’m so angry at myself because I was doing so well, I had different bank accounts set up and was working towards my goals with the ultimate aim of saving a house deposit. That feels unreachable now.

    I now have only 5 grand to my name, perhaps a lot compared to some people but it really sucks being back at virtually square one knowing how long it will take to earn back what I’ve lost. My goals feel out of reach and I don’t see the value in the money I have because it feels minuscule compared to what I had/should have.

    So my question is, how do you stop feeling sick about the amounts you’ve lost and start being grateful and happy about what you have saved in the present and hopeful for the future?

    My attitude has been “f it” since I’ve already lost so much, so I’ve been betting to try to get some if not all of it back. It feels like I’m already broke anyway and I can’t shake that feeling.

    Realistically I’m in no rush to put up a house deposit, to do it by the time i’m 30 would be nice, but having decent savings validated my hard work and made me feel secure and generally good about myself.

    Thanks
    3 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1805
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Wed Feb 19, 2020 12:30 am

    Hi..for a start..dont dwell on what you have lost..you ARE lucky because you still have some savings..so let that be your incentive..dont lose it all...stop and think about what you are losing..when you want to gamble again..really think about WHY you are doing it..you are young enough to get on with life ..is there someone who you could confide in??
    Good luck
    2 x
    User 586f218674e86
    Junior Member
    Posts: 7
    Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:49 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Thu Feb 20, 2020 12:46 am

    Youre young. Dont worry about what you have lost, just move on and start again. Learn from your mistakes. I wish i pulled out in my early 20s. Im 33 now and ive lost over 150k. You will never get it back, and if by the grace of god you did. You will gamble it away again. Time to move on mate. Invest your thousands in something that you have a chance to get a return on
    2 x
    Calvin (facilitator)
    Senior Member
    Posts: 465
    Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 5:01 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Thu Feb 20, 2020 12:02 pm

    Hey @Bluetack2 ,
    I'm one of the forum facilitators here.
    Good on you for reaching out and sharing to everyone your experiences.
    It can be difficult coming to accept the financial losses from gambling, in a way its a particular type of grief. In order to move on and to try to stop gambling, acceptance and forgiveness is key.
    Accept the losses and forgive yourself. That being said these feelings can pop up anytime, where it makes us feel down or frustrated about the outcomes of the gambling issue.

    At this moment maybe create some small short term goals. Ofcourse the ultimate goal for you is the house deposit but it helps to think of something you want to achieve in the short term. Take it day by day, this can help to relieve some pressure and make it feel less daunting.
    Have you considered getting some gambling counselling along the way for some further support for the long term?
    1 x
    Chunkyquitter
    Member
    Posts: 78
    Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:34 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Feb 25, 2020 4:46 pm

    The amount I lost at start of last year is really causing me stress. I had forgiven myself but it’s as if not gambling hasn’t fixed my money woes. I feel sick and it affects my mood thinking about the amount
    0 x
    gzy3
    Member
    Posts: 98
    Joined: Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Tue Feb 25, 2020 6:07 pm

    Hi @Chunkyquitter , it sounds your thought on the amount of loss made last year stays in your mind strongly right now.

    It is okay to feel terrible about what happened. But we all know we cannot take our past back.
    When you feel that way, remember this strong terrible feeling would get less as time goes.
    Do what makes you feel a bit calm and happy meanwhile.

    Let's learn from our past setbacks. Hopefully you can stay looking into the future.
    0 x
    zackawadz
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2019 2:26 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Wed Feb 26, 2020 1:36 pm

    Bluetack2 wrote:
    Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:28 pm
    Hi guys, new here.

    I’m early 20s and have gambled away my savings twice in the last six months - almost 50 grand in total. That’s not counting other bets at the pub or in previous years. I’d hate to know the real figure.

    I’m so angry at myself because I was doing so well, I had different bank accounts set up and was working towards my goals with the ultimate aim of saving a house deposit. That feels unreachable now.

    I now have only 5 grand to my name, perhaps a lot compared to some people but it really sucks being back at virtually square one knowing how long it will take to earn back what I’ve lost. My goals feel out of reach and I don’t see the value in the money I have because it feels minuscule compared to what I had/should have.

    So my question is, how do you stop feeling sick about the amounts you’ve lost and start being grateful and happy about what you have saved in the present and hopeful for the future?

    My attitude has been “f it” since I’ve already lost so much, so I’ve been betting to try to get some if not all of it back. It feels like I’m already broke anyway and I can’t shake that feeling.

    Realistically I’m in no rush to put up a house deposit, to do it by the time i’m 30 would be nice, but having decent savings validated my hard work and made me feel secure and generally good about myself.

    Thanks
    Hi . my story is the same but I'm 37 , its the 2nd time its happened , we just need to accept we will never make money from gambling . simple but hard isn't it .
    I still feel the regret of the savings i worked hard work is gone . My best advice is to attend ga i did it first time and managed to stop for 3 years and i forgot about it , but you can't stop working at recovery go to gamblers anonymous . Im hoping it will change my life.
    1 x
    Chunkyquitter
    Member
    Posts: 78
    Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:34 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Wed Feb 26, 2020 5:44 pm

    GA has always intimidated me. I need to go to a meeting. Can you not speak and just watch first one or what
    1 x
    zackawadz
    Junior Member
    Posts: 6
    Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2019 2:26 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Thu Feb 27, 2020 11:13 pm

    Chunkyquitter wrote:
    Wed Feb 26, 2020 5:44 pm
    GA has always intimidated me. I need to go to a meeting. Can you not speak and just watch first one or what
    Not at all no one will judge and you don’t need to share , you will be fine best advice I can give you is just go , what do you have to loose .
    1 x
    Merle
    Junior Member
    Posts: 9
    Joined: Thu Aug 08, 2013 2:54 pm

    Re: How to get over the anger and regret?

    Fri Feb 28, 2020 2:00 pm

    My friend, you are young, dont let it go into years. Im 60 and Ive been justifying my gambling by saying F*#k it, Ive lost so much, as a barrier to stopping. Oh god if you only knew how bad it feels at 60 saying that. Gambling causes you to become self-defeatist. You beat yourself up so much that you feel pathetic and not worth it. But you are worth it !!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT !!! Being a compulsive gambler is basically a **** life. Ive been struggling to give up after being a 10 year pokie addict. Im in the process of another struggle to give up. Just give up, dont look back look to a bigger and brighter future. Dont become a pathetic middle aged person who hates life, instead of treasuriing it.
    Mel
    2 x

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