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  • New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 345
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Sat Jun 26, 2021 11:52 am

    welcome to our newest member @Jim567 These forums are a place for you to share your experiences and goals for recovery. Everyone has lived experience and is here to support each other.

    You might like to have a look through some of the 100 Day Challenge threads here and see some of the amazing journeys some of our members have had!

    When you feel ready let us know what brought you to the forums! :);
    0 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 526
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Sun Jun 27, 2021 1:56 pm

    Welcome to our newest members @Michaelb71, @sisilix090, @Lisa555 and @Pugponhinghoy16!

    Please feel free to post and intro of yourselves by clicking 'Post reply' at the bottom on this page. We would love to hear what brought you to the forums and let us know if you have any questions, we're here to help.

    Looking forward to seeing you around in the forums.
    :);
    0 x
    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 526
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:59 am

    A warm welcome to our newest members @Grt123 and @Panda21!

    Hopefully you'll find the forums useful and a place where you can connect with other people that share similar experiences to yours. Please feel free to post an intro about yourselves. Would be great to know what brought you to the forums and if you have any questions we can help you with.

    Looking forward to seeing you around in the forums.
    :D
    0 x
    Panda21
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2021 9:50 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Mon Jun 28, 2021 11:01 am

    Hi I'm admitting I have a problem and reaching out for help. Speaking with one of the councilors here mid-night last night really helped. I was feeling so guilty and stupid after losing $60k in one day. In total I have lost $210k in two years. It all started when COVID hit. I was sure the economy would collapse so I bet against the share market. I did my research, and between investing in gold/silver and investing in leveraged BBUS, I chose the later coz I thought BBUS would benefit more directly and significantly from a market downturn.

    I rationalised at the time that this move was hedging my portfolio risk, as I have property investments. I put $300k in. It was the whole withdrawal amount from my mortgage. It was money sitting there (including my mother's and my partner's to earn some interest on their savings) and I thought I could earn more than the mortgage rate and pay off the mortgage entirely in one year. It all seemed within grasp at the time. I thought I was making a rational and educated "investment". But then it went the other way. I thought I would just hold out and surely the economy can't be popped up by politicians' irresponsible borrowing forever, but it never did. I even convinced myself that by not cutting my loses I was training my tolerance for fear. So I held on. Until a year later, I had lost $150k. Then I read about those leverage tokens and how they are designed to lose value over time. I wish when I bought it I understood how it worked better, or that NAB Trade would warn me about the risks I was getting into, because I would be less likely to hold on for that long if I knew. I felt so stupid, especially given I have a financial background. Then I decided it's time to cut some losses.

    At the same time, I kept hearing about this potential crypto market collapse. I looked into and thought I could use that to win back the money I lost. It felt like a sure thing, another dot com bubble going bust. I started small, just buying the 4x leverage tokens that bet against the market. I was making small wins, then one day the market moved the other way and my panic selling costed me nearly $8k which wiped out all my previous gains. One day later, I realised if I had held on, I would have gained over $10k instead of losing $8k. Then I thought, why use leveraged tokens which I knew were designed to lose value over time. I entered the cryptos futures market, the holly grail of online gambling, in my experience.

    Again, I started small and responsibly. I was making small gains, and I thought I found a way to reliably read the charts. Then I started transferring more and more money into my futures account. I thought I needed the cushion to protect me against liquidation, then even if the crypto moved a bit too much I won't be liquidated. I thought I found a way to win in this system. On Saturday I was winning a few hundreds dollars in each trade that lasted less than 30 secs. At the end of the day I won over $4k, and won every trade. I was feeling really good. Then I went to bed. Sunday morning when I woke up, I realised my bet was thousands in debt, which means the price has gone up, so I wanted to sell more at the higher price point. I was playing on my phone, still in bed, just woken up. Accidentally I pressed buy instead of sell. This closed my position and realied my losses. I felt so stupid. Then the price started moving up, and I started selling again, each time as a small % of my total balance, I thought. I was chasing it, because price kept moving up so fast and I kept selling at a higher and higher price point. In a matter of 15-20 mins, I had entered $1m worth of bets, without realising it. It is because my leverage from the previous lucky day was set at 50x, and I totally forgot. Then I was trapped. I could either cut my losses, which was quickly going up to $40k USD, or I could transfer more money into the account so that my liquidation price point would move up. I chose the latter. I moved another $40k in. Then the price kept going up and I started using the new money to sell at a higher price point, again and again. It was a good day for bitcoin and a bad day for me. I watched the market nervously for the whole day, and the price almost reached my liquidation price point. Then it came back down at night. I was very happy. I thought the trend had finally reversed back. I was watching it, and thinking whether I would cut my loss as the price went down, and decided to wait and see, as it was possible that I could end up making a profit after all. Then suddenly, out of the blue, the price shot up in a few seconds, which to me meant it could reach my liquidation price and I would lose everything, that's $100k. I panicked and closed the position. I saved $40k. But I lost $60k. I felt so bad and couldn't sleep. I couldn't talk to partner because he trusts me with money. I couldn't bear to lose that trust. Then I thought, I have a gambling problem. I found this website and talked to a councilor. It helped to calm me and made me see that what I thought was investment was actually gambling, because I always picked the riskiest assets.

    My mother is a gambler. She invested in shares, and maybe futures as well, when she was about my age. I think she lost money. Then for the past 20 years, she has frequently visited casinos and played poker. I always tell her not to go. What I realised last night was how much I have become just like her. I have a serious gambling problem. I earn a decent income, I am highly educated, I thought I understood risks and financial market. I thought I was investing. But truly I was driven by the same urge as she experiences, and I gambled, big time. The latest episode with futures market felt like playing a computer game on my phone, it was so easy to use, I think I totally forgot how much money was at stake, what I was getting myself into.

    Looking back now, before COVID, before all this started, I was so content, happy, worry free. I want to go back to be that person.

    I told my partner last night that I would no longer help him invest his money. He previously put money in my mortgage to earn some interest, because we have a loan agreement. But I told him, without telling him the real reason, that I didn't want to take that responsibility any more. I will pay him back fully very soon, and it's his choice how to use or invest it. My partner used to work in a club and saw many people gambling away their savings. He hates gamblers. So discussing this with him is out of the question. It would destroy our relationship and destroy his trust in me forever. He is very black and white.

    I don't know if I should discuss this with my mother. I would lose all credibility in front of her. But she would understand. Maybe I'll confess it to a close friend.

    Having this forum here is really helpful. I saw another person's post about losing $300k (@ervgorh ). We are both educated and both earn a decent income. This person's story truly resonates with me. Maybe losing $60k in futures is a good thing, at least it happened so quickly and I got burnt so much that I wouldn't want to touch it again. I'll tell myself to resist this urge even if crypto goes up again towards the price point that I think is the maximum. I thought I could win back the money I lost in shares, but instead I lost more, so quickly. It almost feels unreal.

    My father is having a surgery today. My work has been stressful. I think all this might have contributed to my urges and my actions. The information on this website is really helping me to understand my problem. I want to overcome this, and go back to being worry free, content, happy.

    If you are reading my story, I hope it will help you. What I learned is that nothing is certain, even when I thought I was so smart I could predict the future.
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    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 526
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Mon Jun 28, 2021 1:23 pm

    Hi @Panda21,

    Welcome to the forums and kudos for writing your first post on here and reaching out for help. Thank you for sharing your story, it's great that you had that conversation with the phone counsellors. Sounds like this has been a big realisation for you. Not sure if you've had a look yet at the 100 Day Challenge. I would also suggest to read some of the Success Stories here for some motivation. I'm really glad you're finding the information on the website useful.

    I also want to introduce you to some of the wonderful members of this community @Damaged_Armour @JinxyWolf @pamela @Anita44 @Menz199 @Kevcollingwood @Mona58 @Jc @Squeaky @spentitallagain @yep123

    Hope all goes well with your dad's surgery today and keep us posted on how you're going.
    :);
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    Lovely Cat Lady
    Moderator
    Posts: 526
    Joined: Mon May 03, 2021 9:30 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Mon Jun 28, 2021 1:27 pm

    Welcome to our newest members @Black Swan and @DeeAurelius!

    Please feel free to post and intro of yourselves. Would be great to know what brought you to the forums and if you have any questions we can help you with.

    Looking forward to seeing you around in the forums.
    :);
    0 x
    Damaged_Armour
    Senior Member
    Posts: 104
    Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 3:17 pm

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Mon Jun 28, 2021 2:54 pm

    Hi @Panda21...
    That's one heck of a back story....
    You can only start from scratch, no time machines here.
    Best of luck on your journey.
    2 x
    There's No such thing as "Just Once"

    You want to stop gambling? Ok great, put your boxing gloves on.
    Printemps
    Moderator
    Posts: 345
    Joined: Tue May 04, 2021 8:12 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Tue Jun 29, 2021 9:49 am

    welcome to the forums to our newest member @Matt_Trip This is a space for sharing your journey with gambling and recovery!

    when you feel ready you can share your story here. Everyone here has lived experience with gambling and its effects and we're all here to support each other! :o
    1 x
    Panda21
    Junior Member
    Posts: 3
    Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2021 9:50 am

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Tue Jun 29, 2021 4:30 pm

    What I also realised today was that my gambling habits started a long time ago.

    20 years ago, started with lotteries, lost $100
    15 years ago, tried sports bet, won small and lost $500
    GFC hit, tried to make money from cheap shares, won small and lost $25k
    COVID hit, tried to make money from shares, crypto and futures, won small and lost $210k

    So, as my income grew, my bets and losses grew exponentially.

    MUST STOP THIS CRAZY TREND!!!
    0 x
    TheTeam
    Junior Member
    Posts: 25
    Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2018 4:38 pm

    Re: New here? Change makers introduce yourself here!

    Tue Jun 29, 2021 4:31 pm

    Welcome to our newest members @maxferg, @Frank777, @northgchome and @Johnny242!

    Please feel free to post and intro of yourselves. We would love to hear what brought you to the forums.

    Looking forward to seeing you around on here.
    :);
    0 x

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