Hopeful thinking... Wanting to control myself and not let gambling control me.

[cardofhearts]

Hi everyone :)

My name is Stacey and I started gambling when I was 17 years old (yes, I was never asked for I.D) and now I'm 26 this Sunday. I gambled my $400 I was earning every week as soon as I got paid (while I was studying at Uni). Now I'm in my dream career which I completed my Masters degree and I'm earning more than quadruple my money. I'm now spending more than ever!
When I was 17, I started off putting in $5 and almost having a heart attack when I lost it. Now I'm spending $2000- $7000 in a night and basically feeling emotionless when I lose it. My partner enjoys a good gamble with me too and we go to the casino for entertainment and to waste time. The casino used to be my happy place to go to - I enjoyed the smell, the atmosphere and the free things I got (which I really paid for overtime) as I have moved up the tiers.
Thinking that I was enough of a gambler, I started watching a streamer who'd gamble large amounts on online gambling websites and winning HUGE money. So of course, being the degenerate gambler that I am, I opened an online account on the gambling website and started gambling $3 then $6 then $15 hits on the pokies (gambling online is much more intense as you don’t realise how much money you’re putting through)... When I'd first log on, I'd win $1000-$2000 within the first 10 minutes and any gambler would hope to win more, so of course I didn't pull out. I thought to myself, if I could win that much in 10 minutes, imagine the pay it's going to give me in the next 10 minutes. But then of course, the money went down to $0 each and every time. When you're in that trance, it's hard to get out of the winning mindset. A week after signing up, I had won $7000 and I withdrew the money and then put it all back in, in hopes I'd win more and more. This is the vicious cycle of gambling I suppose. When will you ever be satisfied? (I asked myself).

Now I'm watching everyone around me get brand new cars, building houses, having babies, getting married and here I am gambling my life away and sending myself into more financial hardship. My car loan should have been paid off years ago, but here I am gambling every cent I have in hopes to get a big win.
BUT tonight I have made the decision and contacted the online gambling website to permanently close down my account with no hopes of my re-opening it again. I have realised that I will NEVER be on top and now I have to push through and get my life sorted in hopes of achieving my life plan.
You can ALL do it too! x

[pamela]

Hello and welcome..good on you for coming here and recognising your problem..Unfortunately no good can come from gambling..when you and your partner go out think of other places you can go..
I wish you luck

[cardofhearts]

Thank you Pamela
Yes, we need to find interesting things that are happening But sometimes there’s nothing on. But I won’t ever let that be an excuse again :)

[Mona58]

Hi Hearts,

l had a bit of chuckle at ''there'S nothing on!"... I remember saying the very same when I used to gamble.

At the start it took a lot of energy to do things ... to change things... even sitting quietly took a lot of effort.

Life takes over when you stop gambling.

All the best on your journey!

Mona

[BrittV (facilitator)]

Hi @cardofhearts great to hear you're taking the steps to make change! You should be proud!

And thank you for sharing your story.

How are things going for you this week?

[cardofhearts]

Hi @Mona58

I feel like I would say “there’s nothing on” because nothing was as entertaining as the casino! Winning money makes me feel good and just sitting there in that environment and lapping in the bright lights and loud noises had me engaged and wanting more.

I’m starting to appreciate the little things in life now like going to the gym and hanging out with friends.

I went the a local pub tonight and didn’t go anywhere near the pokies. Feeling proud. I’m definitely in the mindset to preserve and not return to old habits.

[cardofhearts]

Hi @BrittV (facilitator)

Thank you!
I’m doing quite well actually. Every day I’ve woken up and reminded myself why it’s important to quit. Thought about the positives of quitting so that’s in my head before an urge to gamble arises. I haven’t been near the pokies for almost a week now.

Tomorrow is payday and that will be the real challenge. But I’m going to set myself up to succeed and start bulk paying debt before I can think about spending a lot of money (which I’m sure I can control myself).

Thanks for checking in with me :)

[BrittV (facilitator)]

Sounds great @cardofhearts.

Sounds like you're doing lots of great things to help yourself, how awesome!
And I love the idea of these thoughts being the first for the day - really sets you up for a good day!

Well done and take care!

[Realme]

Hi cardofhearts, it’s nice to meet you, how are you ? Did you succeed in not going on pay day ? It can be tempting to go on that day so put a plan in place to protect yourself. Closing down your online site was a good idea. Keep thinking of other good ideas so as not to go to casino. I was going to casino on weekends with my partner too & last night was an eye opener. I received my member’s card statement in my mail - it shows how much I have won & lost & my hours spent there. I have to say, it’s shocking! I have fed their house 50k in past 5 years & my wins are very small (600 twice, & some smaller ones). I have never won any grand jackpots & even so, it’s all likely to all go back in. Rarely do my partner & I walk out with money, they have ripped so much off us. My partner has probably lost the same amount, so between him & me, calculating about 100k in losses & that’s not counting the venues in between that I have gone to. I could go on about all the negatives here as there’s no good in it at all. In a positive sentence it’s best to keep your money & find new interests. It’s going to be challenging at first, but it will be for the best & you’ll feel better. Keep us posted about your progress. Suzy xo

[cardofhearts]

Hi @Realme

Thanks for your comment! :) I have paid bulk money to my car loan and debt (more than expected) and left myself with enough money for petrol, food and a little extra to enjoy life. I have called the banks to suspend my debt accounts so I can’t use them online or to withdraw. I’m feeling so ready for this chapter in my life. :)

Wow! I didn’t know you could get a statement? I think I would feel sick seeing mine but it would be an eye opener. How long have you stopped gambling for and how do you manage the urge?

I’ll be posting on the 100 gambling free challenge threads to keep everyone updated :)


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