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100k I wish I never had

Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:10 pm
by Purplepoppy989

I’m 23 years old. I won $100,000 on an Australian online pokies site (literally only a few weeks before all Aussie sites were shut down).

This was life changing. To keep it short - it was like I woke up living a dream. I told my family (who don’t know about my drug addiction) thinking that my life was complete now and that money was going to last me forever. The $100,000 went into a Term Deposit which I organised with my mum.

It stayed in that account for roughly 3 months before I went into the bank (on my own) and transferred it into my Everyday Savings.

I spent the 100k in a year. Mostly on pokies (online and real). I never told my mum, she thinks the Term Deposit still exists. I’m so ashamed to admit I took the money out.

The guilt is killing me and I don’t think I’ve ever hated myself more. I could’ve done so much with that money but I’ve managed to burn through the lot with nothing to show for it.

This is my first post, if anybody reads this thankyou for listening.

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:44 pm
by How the F did I get here
Hi Purple poppy,

Good on you for coming here. First thing you need to realize is that you are never going to get that money back.

Sorry to say but that was your stroke of pot luck in life, so don't even bother trying to chase that or any other money like we all have.

You need to just forgive yourself, realize you have a problem and move on. You are still young so fix this now so you don't come back on this forum in another 10 years telling your story.
If you are 24 you have been playing 6 years that is if you started at 18. A lot of people on here have had bad addictions 10/ 20 and 30 plus years.
That horrible gut wrenching feeling you have atm of the 100k you lost could be 10 times worse in 10 years.
Imagine how much of a ***** loser you will feel if in 10 years you have high debt no savings and living pay check to pay check. And realizing why the ***** did I keep playing after burning through 100k that I won in a year.

You need to come clean to your mum about the money and you need her to take control of your money now, until you are in a good place. Yes she will be shocked, disappointed whatever, but you can't carry that secret around it will make you sick.
I'm sure she will support you and love you unconditionally.

Forget about the 100k, it's gone. Start a hobby, maybe gym, start reading, get counseling if needed, but please don't waste your youth on these devils. I wasted mine , and wish I could be 24 again and change my path.

Be strong, you can do it, you have a lot of support here, everyone will help where they can.
Good luck!

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 11:47 pm
by How the F did I get here

Sorry thought you were 23 when won 100k.
23, you are a baby still! Don't waste anymore time, JUST DO IT!

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 1:19 pm
by Purplepoppy989
Thankyou for your support and encouraging words. My journey to normal life has begun :)

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 1:56 pm
Sorry to hear about the loss of the 100k, but I think it is time to accept it and move on before it becomes 200k or 300k or 400k.

The best thing to do in the short-term is start fresh with forgiveness to yourself and determination to stop gambling. Forget about what anybody else thinks because when you first tell them, they are only grappling with your past. Hence, you need to worry about your present and future because you already know your past, and that you are past your past, and are ready to live.

Over time and when you are 100% free of the temptations to gamble, you may seek to make profits somewhere more ethical and not risky. I mean, something where you are creative and your best talents can be manifest. A career where you can help others through speaking or writing or one-on-one teaching or in arts or culture or whatever is your passion. But unlike gamble, it won't be about the thrill nor the money nor will it be by a lack of patience. It would just be letting your creative talents flow, and if you happen to make money for your endeavours over time, then even better.

I think we as gamblers have a terrible lack of patience in many things that we do, which is why we are not made for gambling to begin with (because we are already playing games stacked against us and throw money at problems to fight the feelings of anger). Instead, do the complete opposite from now on. Do something you love, and that you feel can make the world a better place. Do it slowly and freely and don't even think about the money, but just know passion rewards people in spades one day.

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 9:47 pm
by unitjohnson
Sorry to hear, but hopefully losing that amount of money will teach you a valueable lesson now, rather than it being a slow and devastating addiction for your whole life. You won that money, so believe it or not, I think it's better to lose that than to lose money you know you worked hard for and EARNED. I had about $25,000 saved up at one point and didn't have a gambling problem even close. But suddenly I realised that gambling was a great 'release' for my depression and anxiety, so I did it more and more and developed an addiction. I easily went through all that money very quick, and have been gambling a lot ever since. (That was 4 years ago). I manage to save a bit here and there and add funds to various things where I can't get cash refunds for it, so at least I cover myself for groceries, fuel etc. But any spare money I get, I usually gamble it and it goes very fast. I've probably put 50k through the pokies in 4 years, not including times I go with $50, win $350, then keep going til all my profits are gone. Coming clean to my family that the 25k I saved was all gone, was very hard to do. But they all understood I had a serious problem, so we just dealt with it and moved on, while trying to stop me from going gambling. I think it's best to rip it off like a bandaid and get it done ASAP. Or if you can, try to save up 20k or something as soon as possible, and then tell your mum. So the sting won't hurt as much if you tell her you lost most of it.

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Thu Mar 28, 2019 11:15 am
by Calvin (facilitator)
Really loving the encouraging words everyone !

Providing our own selves with acceptance and forgiveness is key in the beginning stages of tackling the gambling habit.

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Thu Mar 28, 2019 6:28 pm
by Purplepoppy989
Hello everybody, thanks for all the kind words. I’m amazed at how good it feels to get this stuff off my chest and to know I’m not alone in this battle :)
I downloaded Gamban on my iPhone this week and so far I think it is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made - I highly recommend it to anyone who feels like online gambling is a problem!
My current mindset is to focus on work (I have a full time 9am to 5pm job) and focus on saving money. It might’ve felt good to win a lifetimes savings but it’ll feel even better to earn a lifetimes savings.

Re: 100k I wish I never had

Posted: Sun Mar 31, 2019 5:19 pm
by pamela
It was an expensive lesson to learn but I hope you have realised gambling is a losers game..
Good luck