Rock bottom keeps getting lower
I have never posted on this website before but after reading others experiences I felt the urge to share mine.
Decided to make a commitment to cease gambling before I lose everything. Though it could be argued I have already lost everything.
Had a really tough Christmas not being able to buy gifts for family. Blew all my wages again. The worst part was I got my wages of $2500 before Christmas and had budgeted to pay bills and keep aside money for gifts. Well after work before catching the train home I thought I’d just try with $100 on the TAB betting app, hopefully hit a winner and have an extra $500 or so to finally give my family some nice things.
Anyway my plan to bet only $100 was subconsciously dependent on me hitting a winner first up. Deep down I knew if I had lost, I would be fighting to win back that lost money. Loss after loss and I’m now $1500 down. Start getting desperate and placing $200 bets on rank outsiders at $30-1 odds in hope. Hit a winner. $200 on a greyhound paying $15. $3000! I’m up for once $1500! I figure I’ll bet for $500 and still have $2500 to withdraw ($1000 profit). $100 a bet, 4 bets down and I’ve only got $100 of my allotted $500 to play with. I decide to back a greyhound paying $8. I try to submit the bet and I miss the cut off by seconds. The greyhound wins. I just missed out on $800 due to network congestion on my phone. Literally ripped my stomach inside out. This triggered me for some stupid reason to keep betting til I hit a winner, maybe the rush? Well $2500 disappears. Again I’m $1500 down. Soon to become $2500 down as I gamble away a further $1000 of my wage. I’ve literally gambled my entire pay before Christmas.
It’s now dark and I realise I’ve been sitting on this bench outside the train station gambling for 3 hours. I walk to the train station an empty empty sole. What has just happened?? I literally search for coins to put together to be able to get a soft drink, but I’m short 40 cents. I was $1500 ahead, now I’m $2500 down and don’t have enough money for a drink.
I get home, not knowing how to explain I have no gifts or money for bills. I’ve hidden my gambling and finances/debts by constantly reborrowing, but my credit is now shot. I’ve got no where to turn. I don’t want to give my family a Christmas worry about my gambling addiction. I call my brother and tell him what I have done tonight. What I have been doing for 15 years. Worked so hard, nothing to show for it but more debt. Isolated myself from friends. Stacked on weight and bad health.
Can’t do it anymore, I look online for tangible ways of getting help, not my usual empty commitments that lead to relapse. I no longer have control of my finances. I will wor hard and finally see my money used to better myself and my family.
Sorry for the long post. I truly wish everyone success from this cruel cruel addiction. 15 years gone, but if I don’t start correcting things today in 5 years I’ll wish I had started 5 years ago. Has to start somewhere.
I beg the universe to allow me to rid this addiction.