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  • Still Struggling Big Time!

    For people making and maintaining change in their gambling. Connect, ask questions, offer advice, and share your story in here. If you are new to the site drop in and say hello!
    Suzy2
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:57 pm

    Still Struggling Big Time!

    Fri Jul 20, 2018 7:34 pm

    This nightmare never ends and I am well aware that I am the only one who can end it!!
    I know I can do 3 months! I've done it before and it was wonderful! There is never ever going to be a good outcome if I continue this behaviour! My dreams of becoming a controller gambler are nonsense and this anguish I endure every day will go on and on and on......
    This forum helped me so much before and the support was amazing! I have tears dripping down my cheeks as I dream of how wonderful feeling free could feel again!
    Congratulations to all of you who are going strong and reached amazing milestones! The rest of us must take comfort and strength together to also beat this destructive demon!!

    Suzy2
    0 x
    Jc
    Senior Member
    Posts: 131
    Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2015 5:13 am

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Fri Jul 20, 2018 10:11 pm

    Hi Suzy,

    I feel your pain when it comes to being a ‘controlled gambler'. It's a delusional state that many of us face during our times gambling. Attempting to be a ‘controlled gambler' is just our brain tricking us to gamble. It took me almost a year to shake off this delusional state. Even after I'd relapse, I'd still persist on being a ‘controller gambler'. It was just a vicious cycle.

    Don't be filled with guilt or self loathing, because the past is cemented. But your present and future is malleable. You can change your future. You can rid yourself of these destructive habits. Youve done three months before, try and draw from that. You felt so good during those months. Replicate that.

    I'm only ond day 83 (I think, Ive lost count) but if I kept gambling, the outcome of my life wouldnt have been very good.

    For a serious and persistent and UNTREATED gambling addiction - there are only 3 possible outcomes of your life.

    Stay strong. You can do this.
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1675
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Sat Jul 21, 2018 6:08 am

    Hey..dont beat yourself up..a problem gambler cannot realistically be a controlled gambler because the urge to play is always there.You have to decide what you really want and then be determined to achieve it.Stopping this viscous cycle is really hard.but.just as you make a conscious decision to gamble ,you have to make the same decision to stop.You have done it before so you can do it again.Pick yourself up and start again..
    0 x
    Mona58
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1024
    Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:44 am

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Sat Jul 21, 2018 8:50 am

    Suzy ... You are much stronger than you think! Keep fighting...
    0 x
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
    Suzy2
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:57 pm

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Sat Jul 21, 2018 2:09 pm

    Thanku JC Pamela and Mona for your encouragement! Pamela you were there for me last time and to see you are fast approaching 3 years GF if so inspiring!! Congratulations!
    This morning I had to pawn a gold bracelet which has been in and out countless times. I am heading to NZ in 2 weeks and yesterday I spent much of the money that was meant for my holiday!!
    Coming on here last night and also watching some real life stories caused a real shift in my thinking. Having said that when I placed the cash from my bracelet in my wallet the voices started immediately!! ' just go bet 20c! You Cld be lucky and have even more spending money'! For the first time in many many months I exercised my gambling restraint muscle!! It was easier than I expected and came home with a new resolve!!
    This demon turns us into zombies!! It is not living it is existing!!
    JC II acknowledge how much harder the sports betting on home devices must be but you have done so well!! You are young and deserve a full happy life!! All of us must want the success of freedom more than gambling!!! Together we can do it!!!!

    Suzy2
    0 x
    pamela
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1675
    Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:38 pm

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Mon Jul 23, 2018 8:33 am

    Hi Suzy2..it really is a tough addiction to give up but you can..it is a hunger to do so just like the hunger to play..you just have to decide what makes you hungrier..you understand and feel the feeling of despair when you walk out of a venue after a big loss and I am sure you dont want to continue feeling like this.I hope you have a great holiday in NZ and use the time to think differently..try not to let poker machines consume your thoughts ..push them away and let your thoughts have a holiday too
    0 x
    Suzy2
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:57 pm

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Mon Jul 23, 2018 5:30 pm

    You are so right Pamela! At this moment I want the freedom and financial benefits of being gf!! And yes as you describe it is a hunger!! I am so over having no money! Working so hard to throw it away in a matter of hours!!! The self loathing and shame is all consuming!!
    The power this addiction has over people is just astounding and hard to believe such evil can consume us!
    Has anybody else experienced excessive tiredness after withdrawing! Feel like Ive been hit with a sledge hammer!! Spirits are good just so so tired!

    Suzy2
    0 x
    Mona58
    Senior Member
    Posts: 1024
    Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:44 am

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:55 pm

    Yes,, the tiredness is par of the course. It will pass Suzy. Take care of yourself... eat healthy.

    The cold weather does play a small part in tiredness ... winter blues is not a myth. ... Winter is a time we can enjoy by snuggling up with a hot chocie in front of the telly... or with a good book, Reading slows the mind... as Opposed to the fast noisy environment of the D-Dens.

    Stay Strong Suzy!!
    0 x
    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~Confucius
    Suzy2
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:57 pm

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Thu Jul 26, 2018 9:43 pm

    I've made it to Day 6 which is amazing given how out of control I was!
    Today I also started 3 weeks holiday travelling to NZ on the 4th to celebrate my birthday with family.
    I feel 'clean' I feel strong and I feel focused! Urges have been minimal but I am very busy which helps
    I am 'feeling' again. I used to cry a lot over my son and that was quite healing but gambling turned me into a rock. I used to Wonder why I didn't get emotional anymore? I now know why! I became a zombie with no feelings!
    The other thing is I now have time! Time to think reflect and just be! I was never at peace while I gambled!!
    Every Day Gamble Free is a good day!!

    Suzy2
    0 x
    Suzy2
    Senior Member
    Posts: 154
    Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2016 8:57 pm

    Re: Still Struggling Big Time!

    Thu Jul 26, 2018 9:58 pm

    I've made it to Day 6 which is amazing given how out of control I was!
    Today I also started 3 weeks holiday travelling to NZ on the 4th to celebrate my birthday with family.
    I feel 'clean' I feel strong and I feel focused! Urges have been minimal but I am very busy which helps
    I am 'feeling' again. I used to cry a lot over my son and that was quite healing but gambling turned me into a rock. I used to Wonder why I didn't get emotional anymore? I now know why! I became a zombie with no feelings!
    The other thing is I now have time! Time to think reflect and just be! I was never at peace while I gambled!!
    Every Day Gamble Free is a good day!!

    Suzy2
    0 x

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