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Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 8:59 pm
by Need2stop
I have a gambling addiction - initially it was just a club habit, constant habit, now I am addicted to an online casino. I hate it, I hate myself, I hate how it has a hold of me.

Today I want to start to Stop!

I don't want to be up until 3am playing online when I have to get up at 6am for work. I don't want to take mo eye that isn't mine to play. I hate that I do this and I k ow it is only me who can change that.

I'm sorry to the people I have hurt and continue to hurt without them knowing. I know it will take time but I WANT To stop and stay away from it all. I want the strength and determination. I want to be happy not depressed and self loathing!

Fingers crossed.

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:13 pm
by Mona58
Hi Need2Stop

Install Gamblock, it is an app and it blocks any websites containing gambling content. It can be installed on both your phone and laptop/computers.

It may be worthwhile to Find a GA meeting. Ring GAMB helpline 1800 858 858 talk to a counsellor and they can advice.

All the best on your journey to recovering!

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2018 7:11 am
by Need2stop
Thanks mona58

I have searched the App Store on my iPad and can't find it. There is only one site I frequent and I have requested that the account be blocked for good ;)

I appreciate your support

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2018 6:57 pm
by Need2stop
Day 1 -

Well day one is almost done - I do not feel the need to gamble I am in the self loathing stage. Why did I do it?, why didn't I learn?, how am I gonna recover from this nightmare?

A hellish day at work, didn't think I could make it through without giving up and walking out!

I called and spoke to a counsellor today and realised that I gamble thinking I can win and clear my debts - once they are cleared I won't have to force myself to work in a job I don't love - I wouldn't have that trapped feeling that I have felt for years. Huh we all know that's not how it works!! What type of imbalance is in my brain to think this way!!

How did it all start? because I felt trapped due to certain events - that thing that trapped me no longer exists but the years of self destruction is hard to break. If only I could focus on the positives and claw my way out of this crater!

It's gonna take time but over the coming weekend I want to work out what debts I have and how long it will take me to pay them off - I hope a goal of freedom will keep me on the straight and narrow.

I want and need it to end, enough is enough. There is only one person to blame and I have to see that person every day when I look in the mirror. One day I might not hate and despise the person looking back at me.

Enough ranting - fingers crossed

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2018 8:10 pm
by Mona58
Keep doing what you are doing... you are on the right track. Be strong and surf the urges.... whatever happens just don't give in. keep posting and ranting! it helps.

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:14 am
by Need2stop
One week down and going strong!

Before last week I hadnt gambled in some time so i know acknowledge it as a slip and with any addiction that can happen! I am back on the right road and I am proud of myself.

I had a counselling session this week and I have to stop trying to drag myself down by doing this, acknowledge the past is the past and look towards the future!

Getting back on track financially is hard after the last slip but I know I can do it and I want to.

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 7:12 pm
by Mona58
Well done!

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:02 pm
by Jo-Anne
Hi Need2stop......fantastic the way you are so positive!! You will get there. The great thing about the addiction cycle is a relapse is not the end of the world......and it doesn't take long to move back into recovery mode. You have great insight and clarity and are able to see this ahead for you......well done.....stay strong and keep posting and reading......☺☺☺☺

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 11:12 pm
by Beautyray
Today i made a chose to help myself and take the first step towards healing from gambling

Re: Need2stop - time to try

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:04 pm
by Need2stop
Thanks for your comments - 2 weeks in and i havent had the urge, i did have a dream about gambling last night ans when i woke up i was just hoping i hadnt started again in a haze but then i realised it was a dream and i was so glad!

I am starting to realise that this vicious cycle that was started so long ago is because i hated myself and i was self destructive - i do not want to continue that cycle and then i thought where would i be today had i not gone through that initial imstamce where it all began.... i know what it was and i know it is my own fault. How does someone move on and stop the self destruction - i have things in my life that i am thankful for but where would i be had i taken a different path? A normal happy human being? In some other mess? The things i have missed out on in the past 15 years or so - a life lost

I cant start afresh and leave good things behind me with the bad but a part of me wishes i could - to me this sounds bad but i am trying to be as homest with myself as i can.

My goal is to stay on the right path, pay off my debts and then and only then can i re-evaluate my life. I want to be free but i know only i can do that - it will take me a few years but when i hit that goal i can truly decide what i want from my life.